(no subject)
what to say? We feel strange. Outside and alone, but different than ever before. I feel a pain deep within my soul releasing and letting go part of me that i believed would never be free. The mention of her name or memories to keen still strike pain, but somethings changed. I'm changing.
I hear the deefening silence, and it's starting to be more and more welcome. I feel the solitude like a warm blanket and wrap it tight. I don't wish to push others away, but i've been drowning in myself for so long, the backwash is murder.
I've been killing myself these last 6-9 months. I've drank like a fish and cared nothing for my health or wellbeing. I hardly ever eat and i've lost so much weight it's horrid. I don't sleep and when i do it's too much. I've been ill for the last week. I can't keep any food down and i'm plauged with headackes. In this pain of the body, i see the pain of the mind and soul i've been going through for so long. This is enough, i know what i need to do, and that is live. I need to live for me!. i'm worth it. i think? although alot of people don't think so. . . although i've been far to alone for far to long. That's ok, solitude brings understanding and patience. Appriciation and compassion. Who am i, who was i, and who will i become? For these questions i send oblivion and say, i care not of tomorrow, i care for me for now, or at least until i understand this whole, Self-love thing...? puff ~ who knows maybe not Hating Myself will be a positive change for once, nothing else has worked.
i promise i'll write more tomorrow. i need to. i stink. physically and mentally. although, i can bathe and wash the thoughts of self destruction from my mind, and stinkyness from my body, coming out clean, but for the sores of sickness take long to heal.... are mine healing? No reason has come for this to be. So here i wonder at what will be.
sf
surely fox
wait a minite, stop tomorrow, look around and remember. just remember.
I hear the deefening silence, and it's starting to be more and more welcome. I feel the solitude like a warm blanket and wrap it tight. I don't wish to push others away, but i've been drowning in myself for so long, the backwash is murder.
I've been killing myself these last 6-9 months. I've drank like a fish and cared nothing for my health or wellbeing. I hardly ever eat and i've lost so much weight it's horrid. I don't sleep and when i do it's too much. I've been ill for the last week. I can't keep any food down and i'm plauged with headackes. In this pain of the body, i see the pain of the mind and soul i've been going through for so long. This is enough, i know what i need to do, and that is live. I need to live for me!. i'm worth it. i think? although alot of people don't think so. . . although i've been far to alone for far to long. That's ok, solitude brings understanding and patience. Appriciation and compassion. Who am i, who was i, and who will i become? For these questions i send oblivion and say, i care not of tomorrow, i care for me for now, or at least until i understand this whole, Self-love thing...? puff ~ who knows maybe not Hating Myself will be a positive change for once, nothing else has worked.
i promise i'll write more tomorrow. i need to. i stink. physically and mentally. although, i can bathe and wash the thoughts of self destruction from my mind, and stinkyness from my body, coming out clean, but for the sores of sickness take long to heal.... are mine healing? No reason has come for this to be. So here i wonder at what will be.
sf
surely fox
wait a minite, stop tomorrow, look around and remember. just remember.