here comes another mood swing
S'funny actually, these "mood swings" come and go a lot more often than when I didn't think about them or at the very least didn't write about them. But regardless, having some note of them is better reflective material. And that's usually what I'm all about as much as a pain it is, I think it's a beneficial habit I sort of wandered into.
Now, I've been working on two big projects at my job. And I'm actually pretty happy to do them, since it's given something for me to do, to really get obsessive over it like I did back when I was at school. I was actually given help a bit though since I haven't been with the company long and they didn't know my work ethics so they thought it'd be too much for me to handle. Regardless I was on top of it easily enough thanks to the help and cooperation of everyone else. Though, I noticed today as I was putting on the finishing touches of this that my coworker, the one who was hired along to oversee it mentioned to me how I was in a different mood now. I seemed a bit more, I suppose meaner since I said a bit more taunting things. I didn't see it really, though I figured I usually do the whole overly happy guy thing when I'm in new places. Though most people do say I'm a very kind and nice person who apparently always has a smile on (very creepy).
I said to myself an hour or so ago, "yeah, you just seem to have an uncanny ability to push people away without noticing it". I tend to say random things like that since it's usually a way to stimulate ideas and thoughts. This time around, it really did make me think of how I deal with people. Sure, I try and be as nice as I can in the beginning. But as soon as I get comfy around people, I start to let things slip, sort of like revealing more of my cynical side. And really, I don't enjoy doing that. I'm one of those weirdos that doesn't think before saying stuffs when I get to that sort of mentality. After saying that, I soon followed afterward, "you really do deserve to be alone sometimes..." Hah, I really must be crazy, despite how agreeable that statement seemed to me, despite how stupid it sounded as well. I mentioned before I think in my first entry how I don't let people get to know me. And perhaps really this is the major reason why.
Now, I've been working on two big projects at my job. And I'm actually pretty happy to do them, since it's given something for me to do, to really get obsessive over it like I did back when I was at school. I was actually given help a bit though since I haven't been with the company long and they didn't know my work ethics so they thought it'd be too much for me to handle. Regardless I was on top of it easily enough thanks to the help and cooperation of everyone else. Though, I noticed today as I was putting on the finishing touches of this that my coworker, the one who was hired along to oversee it mentioned to me how I was in a different mood now. I seemed a bit more, I suppose meaner since I said a bit more taunting things. I didn't see it really, though I figured I usually do the whole overly happy guy thing when I'm in new places. Though most people do say I'm a very kind and nice person who apparently always has a smile on (very creepy).
I said to myself an hour or so ago, "yeah, you just seem to have an uncanny ability to push people away without noticing it". I tend to say random things like that since it's usually a way to stimulate ideas and thoughts. This time around, it really did make me think of how I deal with people. Sure, I try and be as nice as I can in the beginning. But as soon as I get comfy around people, I start to let things slip, sort of like revealing more of my cynical side. And really, I don't enjoy doing that. I'm one of those weirdos that doesn't think before saying stuffs when I get to that sort of mentality. After saying that, I soon followed afterward, "you really do deserve to be alone sometimes..." Hah, I really must be crazy, despite how agreeable that statement seemed to me, despite how stupid it sounded as well. I mentioned before I think in my first entry how I don't let people get to know me. And perhaps really this is the major reason why.