Light and Shadow
I'm used to being haunted.
When you are depressed and traumatized, the world takes a sinister cast, the world is against you and no one can be trusted, yourself least of all. I went years being unable to trust myself and, because of that, I couldn't trust my judgement of other people. For years I tried to trust other people, to restore the gossamer faith I had in them, only to find that there was no mending it.
Admittedly, I made a mess of things.
Unfortunately, there is no way to address PTSD and a broken relationship with the meager tools I possessed. As I tried to divest myself of fear and apprehension, I found myself in a hole with only one way out. I had unfairly placed my self-worth on keeping another person with me all the time to dispel the haze of fear and mistrust.
In my stunted, adolescent logic, I wanted everything or nothing at all.
I had to pry each finger from the ledge with a crowbar to learn how to fly.
When you are depressed and traumatized, the world takes a sinister cast, the world is against you and no one can be trusted, yourself least of all. I went years being unable to trust myself and, because of that, I couldn't trust my judgement of other people. For years I tried to trust other people, to restore the gossamer faith I had in them, only to find that there was no mending it.
Admittedly, I made a mess of things.
Unfortunately, there is no way to address PTSD and a broken relationship with the meager tools I possessed. As I tried to divest myself of fear and apprehension, I found myself in a hole with only one way out. I had unfairly placed my self-worth on keeping another person with me all the time to dispel the haze of fear and mistrust.
In my stunted, adolescent logic, I wanted everything or nothing at all.
I had to pry each finger from the ledge with a crowbar to learn how to fly.