Shifters, Chapter 37
Summary: Differences are what made them outcasts, but it’s those differences that also bring two outcasts together. Farel is released from a ten-year prison sentence and left to find his own way in a human-dominated world, a world that only sees shifters as criminals. So he heads to Nos Bathan, a name given to the White Forest by his people centuries before humans arrived. Now it is the largest city in the country, and the only place a shifter can go to disappear.
These days Sunny mostly avoids people, not only because of her natural introversion but because she’s learned that people are not kind to women like her, women born in bodies the world does not accept. With a disappointed father and few friends, Sunny retreats into her beloved books, losing herself in fantasy worlds where nothing is complicated. Her own adventure starts when she comes upon a homeless shifter named Farel, who has more secrets than words. They come from two completely separate worlds, yet together they learn that while bodies change, souls remain the same.
Includes: "Werewolves" (shifters), MtF transgender character, bigotry, violence, sexual misunderstandings, and lots and lots of angst
Chapter Thirty-seven
A week later, Sunny said her goodbyes to Farel before Rocky drove her to the train station. Farel was still weak and in mild pain, but the embrace he gave her was strong. Sunny promised she’d be back in five weeks, when he was feeling better. By then he could probably shift without injuring himself, and then he and Sunny both would head back to Nos Bathan. In the meantime, they’d both have to wait apart from one another.
“I’d assure you that I will take care of him, but Farel seems like the kind of guy who doesn’t want anyone taking care of him,” Rocky said as they pulled into the parking lot of the train station.
“He’s pretty proud.”
“Name me a shifter that isn’t.” Rocky gave her a crooked smile. She was so grateful to him for the week, as he’d fed her and paid for a few new clothing items so she wasn’t forced to wear the same underwear a week straight. Sunny wasn’t quick to call anyone a friend, but she felt safe in giving Rocky the title. He reminded her of Maura-they had the same compulsion to be nosy yet generous.
“I’m just afraid that he’ll be bored.”
“Oh, he’ll be bored, but there’s nothing anyone can do about that. I’d entertain him if he had an bisexual tendencies . . .?”
Sunny snorted, then shook her head. “I don’t think so. But he’s full of surprises.”
Rocky escorted her to the station where he bought her a one-way ticket to Nos Bathan for fifteen payt. She gave him a fierce hug before they parted.
“Thank you so much for everything. When I come back I’ll write you a check or something.”
“Don’t worry about it. Honestly. It’s the least I can do.”
Sunny nodded. In the distance, a train horn blared.
“Good luck then.” Rocky gave her shoulders one last squeeze before heading back to his truck, which was easily the largest vehicle in the parking lot. Sunny watched him go for a minute, then buried deeper into her coat and waited with the three other stragglers for the train to pull up to the platform. After finding her seat inside, she pressed her forehead against the window and watched Rocky’s truck drive out the parking lot and vanish around a corner. She felt a pang of longing; since rooming with Farel, she’d never been so long without him. It would feel empty and lonely without him there, even if it meant no cleaning his hair out of the shower drain or pushing aside chunks of meat clogging up her freezer.
“I’ll miss you,” she whispered to her foggy window, then sighed and folded up her jacket to use as a pillow. She’d have plenty of time to sleep before she reached the city.
*
After three days at home, Sunny was sick of hugging people and assuring them that she was okay. She appreciated the fact that so many people cared, and it was a nice reminder that despite all her failings, she had made quite a few real friends in the past year or so. She’d even gotten closer to her existing friends, like Phoebe. But three days of lunches out and heartfelt conversations on the phone left her social engine out of gas and puttering on the side of the road. Eventually she decided that the next few days would be hers, and she’d spend them wrapped up in a blanket reading a book when she wasn’t at work, Tizzy purring in her lap. It was the only thing that regenerated her strength.
Of course, once she was alone she began to wonder if the apartment had always been so quiet. Of course it had. Even with Farel here, they’d spent long stretches of time not talking, and that had felt perfectly comfortable. But he’d still breathed, still moved around, still took up a disproportionate amount of the couch and left the cushions sad and saggy. Now that it was just her, all she could hear was the rhythmic ticking of the clock, a clock that hadn’t worked before Farel arrived in her life.
She missed him more than ever, and they’d only been apart for a few days.
It was unlike her to feel any desire to use the phone, but she eventually picked it up and called Rocky.
“Rocky speaking.”
“Hey, Rocky, this is Sunny.”
His voice instantly brightened. “Heya! What’s going on? You want to talk to Farel? Not sure what he can tell you, but maybe he can make some sounds for you.”
Sunny smiled. “I just wanted to make sure everything is okay.”
“Oh yeah. He’s been walking around outside, actually. He doesn’t like to ask for help, but I still head down there to bring him food. I think he’s a fan of salmon the most. Shit, he inhales that.”
“He does like fish.” Sunny reached out to scratch a meowing Tizzy, who had jumped on the counter to beg for attention. “Well, I’m glad he’s doing okay. I just wanted to call. Um. Tell him I miss him.”
Rocky’s voice softened as he replied, “Sure thing, Sunny. I’ll let him know.”
“Thank you.”
The call didn’t help her miss Farel any less. She couldn’t even talk to him, so it felt empty. Still, she wanted Farel to know that she was thinking about him at least.
After work that night, Sunny got home late and exhausted. Phoebe had talked for at least two hours about her skiing trip with Miles and a few buddies, and while Sunny was glad she was having fun, Sunny wasn’t in the mood for chatter. Luckily Phoebe hadn’t expected her to talk much, so Sunny listened half the time and pretended to listen for the rest. On the way home, she felt like a zombie. She let out an audible sigh once she closed her front door behind her, then crossed the living room to cheap particleboard dresser that Farel had bought to keep his clothes in. She withdrew one of his heavier sweatshirts and took it with her to the bedroom. After shoving her face deep into the cotton, she collapsed on the bed, wrapping her arms around the sweatshirt like she would a stuffed animal. Even if she had inferior human senses, she still recognized Farel’s scent, and it hadn’t yet faded from his clothes.
Loneliness was not something Sunny was accustomed to. She was a rather extreme introvert, and usually time spent alone was time well spent. But after spending time alone with someone else for so long, it hurt to be without him. She was like a teenager going off to college, separated from her parents for the first time.
She decided she’d write him a letter.
Maybe it was because she was tired and sad and altogether not in the right mind, but she figured a letter was a better way to communicate than over the phone. She wasn’t sure if he could write back, as holding a pen might be difficult for his true form hands, but she supposed it didn’t matter much either way.
Sunny went to the living room to retrieve her typewriter, then sat on her bed and wondered what she could write without sounding totally desperate and unhinged. Farel wasn’t the most sentimental person she’d met, so he probably wouldn’t appreciate several pages of poetry. Perhaps straightforward honesty was the best option.
She began to type:
Dear Farel,
I don’t know why I feel like writing you a letter is necessary. I will see you in a month or so, so the situation is not terribly desperate. However, I just want to let you know that I miss you. I know I just told Rocky to tell you, and maybe there’s no point in repeating myself, but I couldn’t exactly express myself properly over the phone, as that would have been awkward. This way seems a little bit more private, a little more intimate.
So I don’t know if you heard me say it before, but I love you. It feels weird to type it, but I know I have to. I’m not sure how many people or shifters in your life have told you that they loved you. I’m not sure if that’s something shifters regularly express or if it’s one of those unspoken things you just pick up on. I figure if you spend a lot of your time without the ability to speak, you find ways to express yourself at a deeper level. But I’m human, and language is my first instinct for expression, so I suppose writing it is necessary: I love you.
I never really knew why until I got here and remembered what it was like to live in this apartment without you here. I can’t explain the difference. It wasn’t like there was never silence when you were here, and you were gone a lot too so it’s not so much your absence. I guess the only difference is how I feel-the knowledge that I when I get home at night, you won’t be there. Right now all I want to do is cuddle up next you and go to sleep, because I don’t think my sleep has ever been as deep and peaceful as it is when you’re here. I can’t even explain it without resorting to clichés that compare you to a rock. So I’ll go there-you’re my rock. You’re strong, solid, silent and dependable, more than anyone else I’ve ever met. I didn’t know how much I needed someone like that until you showed up. Now that you’re not here, it feels like I’m sitting in this big crater you left behind.
Maybe I shouldn’t admit this, but right now I’m holding your sweatshirt and just smelling it. I don’t smell you the same way a shifter would, but know that this human woman loves your scent and it’s the only thing that’s bringing me much comfort.
I miss you more than I thought I would. At risk of sounding like your mother, be nice to Rocky and don’t do too much too fast. I know you’ll want to get out and hunt and do all those mountain man things that you’re so good at, but please don’t hurt yourself. I want you back sooner rather than later so that I can replace this sweatshirt with the real thing.
Love,
Sunny
Sunny read it over to make sure it didn’t sound too sappy. Before she could chicken out, she shoved it into an envelope along with her bracelet, as she figured he might appreciate something with her scent. She then scribbled down the address that Rocky had given her and headed out of the building and down the block to the mailbox at the corner. She hadn’t even bothered with a coat, so she shoved her hands into her armpits for the trek back to her apartment. Regret bubbled up by the time she reached her front door, but it was too late. She had bared her soul and summed up the courage to mail it, so all she could do was wait and hope Farel appreciated her brief moment of emotional weakness.
*
“Did you just move in?”
Sunny looked up from her keys to a young man standing a few strides away, pulling several envelopes from his mailbox.
“Oh, no. I’ve lived here a while.”
“Huh. I don’t recognize you.”
Sunny didn’t recognize him either. It was a large building, so Sunny didn’t know why it was such a shock to meet strangers. But he seemed nice, so she smiled.
“No, I’ve lived here a couple of years.”
“Well, I’m Cody, by the way.” He extended his hand for Sunny to shake. Sunny had to move her mail from one
hand to the other in order to greet him.
“Sunny,” she replied.
“That’s a pretty name.”
“Thank you.” Sunny didn’t want to assume he was flirting, but she also was pretty sure he was. Outside of Miles, no one really flirted with her, so she was usually slow on the uptake.
“It suits you.” He smiled, then closed his mailbox. “It was nice meeting you.”
“Yes, you too.”
Cody headed up the stairs and out of sight, leaving Sunny confused and vaguely flattered. She had to be passing easily by now, enough that decently attractive men called her “pretty”. With a small smile of satisfaction, Sunny looked down at her mail, shuffling through the bills until she came upon a small envelope with shaky handwriting. The return address was Maura and Tima’s country house.
Sunny didn’t waste time racing up the stairs to her apartment. Only once she was spread out across her bed did she tear the envelope open and look inside. It was a letter hastily folded to fit inside, written in a barely legible scrawl.
Sunny smiled and pressed a kiss to the paper before reading it. It wasn’t long, barely more than half a page. But it warmed her heart nonetheless.
Sunny was overwhelmed by how much she loved him at that moment. She kissed the letter once more and suffered a bout of such longing that it felt like an ache beneath her ribs. He was such a terrible writer, but he was so adorable too. She imagined it had taken him a while to write this letter, and one paragraph was written in a different ink color, so it meant he’d come back to it later. Had it meant he’d taken time to think about what to say? Sunny hoped so.
She couldn’t wait to see him again.
*
“Your ribs look good,” Katherine said as she returned to the room where she’d left Farel and Rocky in order to process the x-rays. “The fractures have mended, so I’d say you’re good to go on that front.”
“Do you think he can shift then?” Rocky asked, which was exactly what Farel would have asked had he the ability.
“I don’t see why not. The only thing I’d worry about is the wound in your shoulder, but . . .” She crossed the room to Farel and rubbed at the skin around the laceration on his shoulder. She’d already taken the stitches out two weeks ago,
and while Farel knew it would leave a scar, the skin had already healed over. “It hasn’t been bleeding or anything has it?”
Farel shook his head.
“Looks clean to me. I’m not an expert on shifters, so I can’t tell you if it’ll re-open or not. But I don’t see why it would re-open.”
“Maybe you can try now, Farel,” Rocky suggested, then turned to Katherine. “You wouldn’t mind?”
“Of course not. I’m intellectually curious, actually. I’ve never really seen it done.”
Farel stood, though he hesitated before going for his trigger. The last time he’d been drugged up on something to hinder his shifting, his change had been extraordinarily painful. Of course, he’d been on those drugs for ten years in prison. This time it had only been a few days. Still, he wasn’t excited to try, knowing what the consequences might be. It was even more difficult with Rocky and the vet watching him like some kind of lab rat.
Taking a deep breath, Farel pulled his trigger. There was a flash of pain, but for the most part it work seamlessly, and within seconds he had shifted back to his cloaked form. He ran a hand along his ribs and found no stabbing aches, then checked his shoulder for tears. There was a small trickle of blood in the corner where one end of the wound had re-opened, but the blood quickly coagulated and dried.
Rocky clapped in triumph. Katherine inspected the wound on his shoulder but gave him a clean bill of health. Rocky tossed Farel a duffel bag he’d filled with clothes in case Katherine gave them the green light on shifting. Because of the cold, Farel was quick to dress. It was odd wearing clothes after a month of running around naked, but he was surprised how relieved he felt to be back in his cloaked form. He’d always believed his true form was the best form, but he also liked being able to speak and communicate easily. He could see the benefits of both forms, really. He didn’t know how humans only lived with one.
After thanking Katherine for her kindness and generosity, Farel and Rocky headed back to the truck.
“You want to go somewhere to celebrate?” Rocky asked as they both slid into the cab.
Farel thought about saying no, but then he changed his mind. “Maybe I will have a beer.”
Rocky laughed and punched the air. “That’s the spirit!”
Rocky’s constant good mood had a way of being grating, but for once Farel didn’t mind. They drove a few miles to the closest bar, because in these parts there were no bars made especially for shifters. While some humans stared when they entered, they quickly looked away, as if they were ashamed for looking. Farel noticed that the hostility against shifters was much more subtle here, even if it was equally as present here as it was down south. People were too polite to be rude, though Farel almost preferred they be outwardly ignorant so that he knew what he was dealing with.
Rocky grabbed a stool and asked for four beers, then slid them all in front of Farel.
“This is equal to one shifter drink, I think,” Rocky joked, then patted Farel on the back. “Go to town, bud.”
Farel almost told Rocky to stop calling him bud, then decided not to. The hybrid had gone to great lengths to make Farel feel welcome, so he had to appreciate his compassion and warmth, even if he was occasionally annoying. Besides, Sunny would be angry to hear that Farel was rude to his host, and she was showing up in two days. He’d rather not spend that time arguing.
“Do you smell that?” Farel asked, sniffing lightly.
Rocky sniffed too. “No. What is it?”
“Heat,” Farel muttered.
Rocky sniffed more loudly this time. “No, I don’t smell it.” He turned back to Farel. “Is it a problem?”
“No, it’s fine.” Farel shrugged and took a swig of his drink.
“If you want to, we could check it out.”
Farel snorted. “Why would you want to?”
“I don’t know. For the sake of adventure?”
“Nothing adventurous about it.”
“I wouldn’t know. I’m not much into that kind of scene.”
By now Farel knew Rocky was gay. He wondered if everyone Maura knew was gay, if that was some sort of prerequisite for being friends with her. He’d never met a gay male shifter, let alone a gay male hybrid. He didn’t think much about it either way-it wasn’t his business, though Rocky certainly wasn’t shy about it.
“Is that ever a problem with you and Sunny?” Rocky asked, because a minute of silence could not pass in Rocky’s company.
“What?”
“Heats.”
“No.”
“Not ever?”
“It is complicated.”
“I figure she’s human, right? I’ve had human boyfriends, but it’s different with me. Men are a little bit less strict about monogamy, you know? I know most shifter tribes where you’re from are pretty open in their relationships.”
“How do you know?” Farel asked.
“My mother came from down south.” He frowned and turned away. “Though her family disowned her, so it’s not like I know much about shifter culture beyond what my mother’s told me.”
“My relationship with Sunny is a private matter,” Farel replied.
“Alright, alright. I’m just asking, that’s all.” Rocky grabbed the beer the bartender plunked down in front of him. “Sheesh. Prickly.”
Farel resisted the urge to roll his eyes. If he thought Farel was prickly, he probably wouldn’t have lasted long with
Farel’s mother. That was a female who knew how to put a male in his place. Thinking of his mother coaxed a few pangs of sorrow within him, so Farel put her out of his mind.
Rocky was not silent for long. “You gonna surprise her when she comes down?”
“Yes.”
“You excited?”
“Of course.”
“Well hey then.” Rocky lifted his beer. “To you and Sunny.”
Farel clinked his bottle against Rocky’s. After downing six beers, Farel decided he’d had enough and headed back to Rocky’s truck.
“How are you feeling?” Rocky asked.
“I’m fine.”
“Not drunk at all?”
“A little bit.” There was a pleasant buzz in the back of Farel’s mind that made Rocky’s garrulous nature more tolerable.
Rocky whistled in appreciation. “Man, it must take two dozen beers to get you hammered.”
“I weigh as much as a horse, so I should think so.”
Rocky asked a ton of questions on their drive home, mostly about his family and Green Hill and Hoku traditions. Farel provided curt answers, but it didn’t seem to deter Rocky. After an hour of inquisition, Rocky switched gears.
“So hey, I was wondering if you were looking for a job at all.”
Farel’s ears perked, and he turned back to Rocky. “A job?”
“Yeah. It’s just that I know a guy who runs a construction company in the area, and he’s always looking for guys during the summer. The pay’s pretty good, and he actually prefers to hire shifters because they’re taller and stronger than humans.”
“I have a criminal record.”
Rocky barely paused, as if he’d been expecting this. Maybe Maura had told him, or maybe he’d simply made assumptions. “He’s hired a few kids out of juvie before. It’s worth a shot. I’m actually going to this community dinner Saturday night, and I figure you and Sunny can come and meet the guy. He’s a really cool dude, and I’m sure I could talk him into hiring you, even with the record. Especially if Sunny’s with you. I think he’ll be more impressed if you have a cute and sweet girlfriend with you, you know?”
“But this means I would have to live here.”
“Yeah. You could live in the boathouse if you wanted to and then just chip in for rent.”
Farel’s imagination ran wild. The week and a half he had spent up here last summer had been paradise, with no one around and a clean lake full of fresh fish. Not to mention all the wildlife that made for great hunting. It would be much like being back home in Green Hill, where the air was sweet and no humans bothered them. Construction wasn’t such a bad job; Farel would get to use his hands, and he liked physical labor more than anything intellectual. The prospect filled him with more hope than he’d felt in a long time.
The only downside was Sunny. Sunny would never leave Nos Bathan-that city was her home. Just as he thrived out here, she thrived out there.
“It’s an offer,” Rocky said, breaking through Farel’s thoughts.
Farel nodded. Tonight he would have much to think about.
*
Rocky picked Sunny up at the train station when it arrived just after nightfall. Snow had fallen pretty heavily, and the train had been delayed a few hours to get the tracks cleaned off. Whatever snow had fallen in Nos Bathan had been doubled up here near the mountains, and Sunny was shocked Rocky had even made it.
“I’m no stranger to driving in shitty conditions,” he said when she expressed her concern. “Come on, let’s go before it gets any worse.”
There were a few close calls as they headed into more remote areas, but eventually they managed to get to Maura and Tima’s country house without ending up in a snowdrift. Sunny’s boots were not meant for shin-high snow, so much of it ended up thawing and soaking her socks. She and Rocky had just started their trek back to the lake when there was a snapping of branches and a shadow moving quickly through the darkness.
“ . . . bear?” Sunny whispered, then shrieked when Farel’s true form came leaping out of the bushes, toppling her over and then landing a few strides away. Seconds later he was licking her face, and Rocky laughed as Sunny squealed in protest.
“Farel, stop!” she giggled, shoving him away. “There’s snow inside my jacket-Farel!”
Farel put a cold hand up her jacket, so she grabbed a fistful of snow and threw it at his face. With a playful yip, he
darted away, his laugh a breathy snort. Sunny climbed out of the snow and brushed herself off, but not before kicking more snow in Farel’s direction.
“Don’t laugh,” Sunny told Rocky, who covered his mouth with a hand. Farel sat beside him and pulled at the duffel bag with his teeth, so Rocky handed it over and let Farel carry the strap in his mouth. Then Farel bent down, offering Sunny his back to climb onto.
“I guess you’re no longer required as my escort,” Sunny joked to Rocky as she swung her leg over Farel’s back.
“I guess not,” Rocky chuckled. He saluted her. “Have a good night you two.”
Farel carried her swiftly down to the boathouse, then unceremoniously dumped her back into the snow. She was so happy to see him that she didn’t even care. In fact, for a moment she made a snow angel, then threw more snow at Farel when he approached. Her aim was poor, but one of her snowballs hit him between the eyes. After she was thoroughly wet and frozen, she slipped into the boathouse, Farel trailing behind her with her duffel bag. The house was warm and well lit, if not a little messy. Sunny couldn’t help but notice two of her letters and her bracelet in a stack by the foot of Farel’s mattress. Seeing it made her heart swell. She turned around to face Farel, who was silent and still behind her.
“I missed you,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his thick furry neck and digging her face into his coat. Now that he was here she realized just how much she’d missed him: missed his smell, missed his warmth, missed the way his arms fit around her.
“How do you feel?” Sunny asked softly as she pulled away. Farel gave her a thumbs up, and she laughed.
“That’s good.” She reached over and ran her hand along the scar on his shoulder. “This looks like it healed up nicely.” For a moment her hand paused, swiping across the gash a few more times than necessary. Eventually she ran her hand down his chest, watching the fur part as her fingers made paths through it. She felt Farel’s hot breath in her hair, then his tongue against her ear. It jarred her out of her reverie.
“Have you eaten?” she asked, pulling away.
Farel nodded.
“Well, I drank too much and I have to pee. Give me a second.” She went into the bathroom and closed the door, taking a second to make sure she didn’t look too disastrous. Her hair was wet along the edges from the snow, her cheeks flushed from the cold. Her dark red lipstick was still in tact, though one of her false eyelashes had come a little loose. Instead of worrying about re-gluing it, she simply pulled them both off, deciding that Farel wouldn’t care either way. Her eyes looked strangely naked without them, so she added a few more swipes of eyeliner to remedy it. After relieving herself of the three bottles of water she’d drank on the way over, she exited the bathroom, only to have her eyes covered from behind.
“Guess who.”
She let out a shriek of elation before spinning around and embracing a now shifted Farel. She’d nearly forgotten what his cloaked face had looked like, but she was instantly reminded of how handsome he was. She pulled away to run her hands along the high cheekbones, distinguished nose and wide lips that she hadn’t seen in more than a month, at least until Farel pushed past her fingers to kiss her. His mouth was hot and hungry, devouring hers like he might a flank of steak. Normally it would have given Sunny pause, but instead she just moaned and kissed him back with all that she had, grasping him behind his neck to bring them closer. He didn’t stay at her mouth for long. His lips began to trail down her cheek and along her jaw before landing on her neck, moving around until he was practically at the nape. He dug his nose into her hairline and inhaled in a way that got Sunny’s entire body thrumming. She didn’t even care that his grip on her arms was bordering painful. She had never wanted anyone so badly as she did then.
“Farel,” she whispered as his mouth returned to hers. He didn’t respond, so she said his name again. “Farel.”
“Hmm?” he murmured, lightly nipping at her bottom lip and pulling until it slid from between his teeth and snapped back into place.
“I want-” He cut her off abruptly with another kiss.
“Anything,” he hissed, his hands already sliding up beneath her jacket and along the dip in her spine.
It was difficult to navigate her thoughts through the lusty haze, so Sunny pulled back briefly. Farel wasn’t deterred, instead dropping his mouth to the dip in her collarbone.
“I want you inside me,” she whispered. She never would have said something so bold had she not been so insanely horny.
Farel paused, then pulled back, catching her gaze for the first time. His lips were swollen and stained with her lipstick, and Sunny wasn’t sure she’d seen anything so sexy.
“Really?”
Sunny nodded, her usual reserve creeping back.
“Have you ever . . .?”
“No.” She reached out and placed her hands over each of his pecs, realizing that while she was fully clothed, he was completely naked. “Do you want to?”
Farel made a sound of indignation deep in his throat. “Of course! But . . . do you have condoms or lube?”
Sunny flushed. In the moment she really hadn’t thought about that. Of course she hadn’t packed any of it, as she’d assumed they wouldn’t need it, since they’d never gone so far before. It wasn’t until now that she’d realized how much she wanted to try.
“No.”
“Oh. Well. I’m sure Rocky has some. Just ask him.”
“Are you crazy? I’m not asking Rocky for condoms!”
“Why not?” Farel appeared genuinely confused.
“Because! That’d be awkward.”
Farel lifted his eyebrows. It was nice to see he hadn’t changed, because he could still wield expressions with such accuracy. “It’s just sex, Sunny. Everyone does it.”
“Then you ask him.” When Farel moved toward the door, she grabbed his arm. “Wait, don’t.”
“Why not?”
“That would be so embarrassing. Obviously not for you but . . .” She looked down at the ground, biting her lip. Even if Rocky was supportive-she was sure he would be-he’d probably give them a wink and nudge in the morning, and Sunny would just die. “Maybe I can go buy them.”
“That’s ridiculous. Rocky will have condoms. If not condoms, then at least lube, unless he’s a celibate gay man. And even then.” Farel’s eyes narrowed. “Every man and male masturbates.”
“Okay, okay! Stop. I don’t want to think about that . . . that.” She inhaled sharply. “I’ll just ask Rocky to drive me to the store and I’ll pick something up.”
“So you’re not okay with Rocky knowing you’re having sex, but you’ll buy them off of some stranger.”
“At least I don’t have to ever see that stranger again.”
“If it bothers you so much, I’ll just buy them.”
“No, you-you stay.” Sunny put her hand on his chest, but doing so distracted her, so she pulled it away. “I need to
learn how to handle this. Um . . . what kind of-I guess extra large?” She looked downward. “Do they sell double XL?”
Farel snorted. “Extra large is fine, though thank you for the compliment. And water-based lubricant. It should be in the same area.”
“Have you-I mean. I know you’ve had sex with girls, but . . . this is different.”
“I’ve had anal sex before.”
“With . . . females?”
“No.”
Sunny’s eyes grew. “But you’re not-maybe I shouldn’t assume. We’ve never really discussed it, but you’re not . . . bise-”
At this, Farel bristled, and Sunny quickly figured out why. “I was in prison, Sunny.”
“Oh. Oh.” Sunny blushed and looked away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Let’s just say I know how it’s not supposed to be done.”
Sunny was embarrassed before, but her embarrassment was quickly replaced with horror. “Was it consensual?”
Farel didn’t say anything. His cheek bulged as he pressed his tongue against it. Sunny supposed that was her answer, and she felt the bottom of her ribcage fall out. Perhaps she shouldn’t have assumed that Farel was always the toughest, biggest guy in the building. If the fight club had taught her anything, it was that Farel was not invincible, and there were plenty of shifters who were both vicious and without a conscience.
“Farel . . .” Sunny whispered.
“Don’t.” He closed his eyes a moment, took a deep breath, then opened them. “I don’t want to talk about it. Not
tonight. Right now I just want to think about you. Do you want me to go get the condoms?”
“No, no I’ll go. I hope the roads are okay, but we’ll see.”
“If they’re not, I have no problem just asking Rocky for them.”
Sunny could just imagine the smug look on Rocky’s face at that request. No, she’d much rather get them from a stranger.
Burdened with the knowledge of what she’d just learned, she leaned forward and pressed a firm kiss to Farel’s lips.
“I’ll be back. Then it’ll be just you and me all night.”
“Looking forward to it,” Farel replied with a smile, though it carried traces of tension.
“I love you.” Sunny ran her knuckles along his bearded jaw, then kissed him again. The kiss slowly deepened, and if Sunny didn’t extricate herself now, there was no chance of her ever leaving. So after pressing one last kiss to the side of Farel’s nose, she headed back out into the snow, whimpering as more snow fell into her boots.
Chapter One