(Untitled)

[countertopmagic]

ATTENTION DENIZENS OF THIS LAND.

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU ARE SPENDING NEEDLESS HOURS IN THE KITCHEN WITH BULKY APPLIANCES. I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR DAYS OF SLAVERY ARE AT AN END.

BEHOLD! I AM THE MAGIC BULLET AND I WILL ACCOMPLISH ANY CULINARY TASK IN TEN SECONDS OR LESS!

GIVE ME ALL YOUR INGREDIENTS! GIVE THEM TO ME. NOW!!

Comments

[suitedforcoffee]

YOU CAN'T MAKE COFFEE. AND IF YOU CAN, IT ISN'T AS GOOD AS MINE.

[countertopmagic]

I CAN GRIND COFFEE IN THREE SECONDS! PERHAPS I CAN ASSIST YOU IN MAKING BETTER COFFEE.

[suitedforcoffee]

...CAN YOU ADJUST HOW FINELY YOU GRIND IT?

[countertopmagic]

IF YOU HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF TIMING, YES.

[suitedforcoffee]

I HAVE AN EXCELLENT SENSE OF TIMING. HOW MUCH DO YOU COST?

[countertopmagic]

THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF $33.33 (PLUS SHIPPING & HANDLING AND YOUR FIRST-BORN CHILD)

[suitedforcoffee]

I DEMAND A DISCOUNT. AND YOU SHOULD KNOW I'M NOT HAVING CHILDREN.

[tiemcockagent]

IT'S YOUR CREAM THAT MAKES IT.

[suitedforcoffee]

JACK, I THOUGHT WE AGREED YOU WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE!

[tiemcockagent]

I CAN'T BRAG ABOUT YOU NOW? BUT I THOUGHT IT MADE YOU FEEL SPECIAL :(

[suitedforcoffee]

IT DOES. <3 BUT IF EVERYONE KNOWS THE SECRET TO MY COFFEE, IT WON'T BE SPECIAL ANYMORE.

[tiemcockagent]

IT WILL ALWAYS BE SPECIAL TO ME ...

[suitedforcoffee]

JUST FOR THAT, YOU GET AN EXTRA SPECIAL CAPPUCCINO.

[tiemcockagent]

OH YOU COULD REWARD ME IN ~OTHER WAYS JS

[suitedforcoffee]

DON'T I ALWAYS? THERE ARE MANY REWARDS IN YOUR FUTURE, JACK.

[tiemcockagent]

AH YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR ME ;)