(Untitled)

[countertopmagic]

ATTENTION DENIZENS OF THIS LAND.

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU ARE SPENDING NEEDLESS HOURS IN THE KITCHEN WITH BULKY APPLIANCES. I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR DAYS OF SLAVERY ARE AT AN END.

BEHOLD! I AM THE MAGIC BULLET AND I WILL ACCOMPLISH ANY CULINARY TASK IN TEN SECONDS OR LESS!

GIVE ME ALL YOUR INGREDIENTS! GIVE THEM TO ME. NOW!!

Comments

[theoncomingears]

TEN SECONDS OR LESS? JACK'LL BE PISSED SOMEONE'S FASTER THAN HIM.

[tiemcockagent]

IT'S ALL LIES, NINE. LIES AND FALSEHOODS

[theoncomingears]

WHAT? I WAS TRYING TO COMPLIMENT YOU, LAD.

[tiemcockagent]

NO ONE IS FASTER THAN ME.

AND WTF LAD?

[theoncomingears]

SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF, FOR SURE.

IT'S A TERM OF ENDEARMENT. YOU USED TO LIKE IT. *FEELS A SULK COMING ON*

[tiemcockagent]

I CAN PROVE IT IF YOU'D LIKE.

OH. I JUST DON'T REMEMBER YOU USING IT ...?

[theoncomingears]

*LOOKS AROUND FOR IANTO* WHERE THE HELL IS THAT DAMN SHIELD?

YOU WERE RIDING A BOMB AT THE TIME.

[tiemcockagent]

WELL I WOULDN'T CALL HER A BOMB...

OH YOU MEANT DURING THE LONDON BLITZ. WHOOPS.

[theoncomingears]

YES, CAPTAIN, THE LONDON BLITZ. PEOPLE WITH CREEPY GAS MASKS, 'ARE YOU MY MUMMY'?

IS CAPTAIN STILL OKAY? OR ARE YOU GONNA GIVE ME SHIT FOR THAT TOO.

[tiemcockagent]

YEAH YEAH I REMEMBER NOW. THAT WAS 150 YEARS AGO FOR ME OK.

YES CAPTAIN IS STILL OK

[theoncomingears]

150 YEARS OF MEMORIES? BOO FUCKING HOO. TRY 900.

WHAT ABOUT SWEET CHEEKS?

[tiemcockagent]

YEAH OK BUT THAT WAS LIKE YESTERDAY FOR YOU AND YOU'RE A TIME LORD NOT A HUMAN OK YOU'RE BUILT FOR THAT.

DEPENDS ON WHICH CHEEKS YOU'RE REFERRING TO.

[secretive_belle]

ARE YOU THAT FAST IN EVERYTHING? THAT'S NOT ALWAYS GOOD...

[tiemcockagent]

NO I DO HAVE CONTROL. I TIMED IT ONCE TO WIN A BET WITH A FRIEND.

[secretive_belle]

AND WHO WON?

[tiemcockagent]

I DID, OF COURSE! CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT I WON?