LETTERS ADDRESSED TO THE TARDIS

[suitedforcoffee]

MISS POND

Comments

[iwearafeznow]

HEY.

I WENT TO VISIT YOU. I WENT TO VISIT YOU LAST WEEK. IT WASN'T MY FAULT YOU WERE DEAD.

[suitedforcoffee]

THIS ONLY CONFIRMS WHAT I SAID ABOUT YOUR TIMING. I WAS DEAD LAST WEEK. I'VE SINCE HAD A "WORD" WITH THE WRITERS.

[iwearafeznow]

WELL THEN YOU SHOULD'VE DIED A WEEK EARLIER SO YOU COULD'VE BEEN AROUND WHEN I WAS THERE.

...WHAT WAS AMY ORDERING, ANYWAY?

[suitedforcoffee]

LOOK, I'M HAVING ENOUGH TROUBLE WITH THIS WHOLE STAYING ALIVE THING WITHOUT BEING PICKY ABOUT THE SPECIFICS.

I DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T PEEK. THE LABEL LOOKS SORT OF GIRLY AND ALIEN.

[iwearafeznow]

STOP PRETENDING. YOU'RE IN TORCHWOOD. IT'S PRACTICALLY YOUR JOB TO OPEN PRETTY GIRLS' PRIVATE MAIL.

[suitedforcoffee]

I DON'T THINK I LIKE WHAT YOU'RE INSINUATING. THAT WOULD BE ILLEGAL.

*HE ACTUALLY MANAGES TO DELIVER THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE AND HOLD IT FOR A PAUSE BEFORE HE SNERKS AND BREAKS INTO LAUGHTER*

[iwearafeznow]

SO WHAT IS IT?

[suitedforcoffee]

WHY DON'T YOU ASK AMY?

[iwearafeznow]

BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND HER.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME? I AM GOING TO FIND OUT EITHER WAY, AND YOU COULD EXPEDITE THIS WHOLE THING BY JUST SAYING IT.

[amyface_macpond]

YOU MUSTN'T HAVE BEEN LOOKING VERY HARD, DOCTOR.

GO ON, OPEN IT, IANTO. I COULD DO WITH A LAUGH.

[suitedforcoffee]

...I REALLY HAVEN'T OPENED IT, ACTUALLY. I'M AFRAID IT MIGHT BE A SEX TOY, AND I REALLY DON'T NEED TO KNOW CERTAIN THINGS ABOUT YOUR COMPANIONS. AND IF JACK SEES IT, HE'LL COMMANDEER IT FOR HIS OWN USE. OR MINE. OR POSSIBLY-- WELL, YOU GET THE PICTURE. AND THEN AMY WILL SHOW UP LOOKING FOR IT AND I'LL HAVE TO REIMBURSE HER AND I IMAGINE SHE MIGHT HURT ME.

[amyface_macpond]

I DON'T THINK IT WOULD FIT YOU.

THEN AGAIN... *TAKES A FEW STEPS BACK TO CONSIDER* IT JUST MIGHT.

[iwearafeznow]

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO INAPPROPRIATE

[suitedforcoffee]

*WELL, IF AMY SAYS SO. HE OPENS IT CAUTIOUSLY AND IT'S ACTUALLY A SET OF TARTAN LINGERIE -- BRA, CORSET, GARTERS AND PANTIES -- AND A PAIR OF OVER-THE-KNEE PATENT LEATHER BOOTS.*

VERY CLASSY. STILL MIGHT HAVE TO HIDE IT FROM JACK.

[iwearafeznow]

I DO RATHER LIKE TARTAN

[amyface_macpond]

IF YOU WANT TO SEE, I'LL BET IT LOOKS EVEN BETTER ON ME THAN IN THE BOX.