Long Time....
Long time no chat kids. Man it's been a while since I have typed this much on my keyboard. So, today is mother's day. I got my mom this foot spa. It's pretty awesome. Anyways, a lot has happened with me since I have last written. Mostly good stuff. My grades are doing well which is awesome because that means I will get to go to England. I only have 2 more weeks before I know for sure. You know, I pretty much have to go because I have already raised money for it. It's not like I can just hand it back. Well, I could, but that would be bad. Anyways, I sang at my school talent show recently and like everyone wants me to sing for them now. It's kind of annoying. There was no winner because not everyone got to perform. STINK! The whole talent show has been a big struggle for me though. All of these people telling me how great of a singer I am is not a great thing for my ego. I seriously hate when people tell me that kind of stuff. I mean, I like it because its nice of them, but I hate it because I don't want to be prideful. I know way too many cocky people that I don't like and I don't want to be one of them. I have really been working on myself spiritually. Like, this whole pride thing. I really need to find temperance in my life. It's like, I am really jealous of everyone's voice and I hate mine, or I am really prideful about my voice. There is no happy medium. I mean, in the real world, I don't see anything extremely special about my voice, but when people tell me all these great things, I feel like I am a rock star or something stupid like that. I have no idea if anyone knows how I feel, but that's the real me. I probally sound like the biggest jerk right now, but I just wanna be real. There is another area I need to find temperance in. Like, lately I have been all about looks and boys. I am obsessive about the way I *should look*. It's like, I can never find true beauty in myself. I feel like I have to look like every other girl to be beautiful. I think pretty much every girl feels this way. But this is what I am confused about. If everyone is trying to look the same, eventually there will be no variety. Everyone wants to look like a super model. But when I truly think about it, yeah, I want to be as pretty as *those girls* but I don't ever want a guy to like me for my looks. So I lose either way because first impressions are everything, and if a guy doesn't think I am pretty, I am sure he wont want to approach me. Right? I really don't know. Maybe I think about this stuff too much. Oh yeah, and the whole guy thing. I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING! I am finding myself attracted to all of these guys who I KNOW don't fit my standards. First of all, I am not dating. I can't seem to grasp that. And second of all, these guys are like not even close to what I would consider *boyfriend material*. I mean yeah, it's okay to have crushes and like guys, but what's the point? Why am I wasting time on liking these guys if they are not what I truly want? You know? I am so frustrated with myself right now. I need to go chill. Thanks for listening. Later.