Dance's Half Empty
I love this, and I love that. He sits at home and watches my twitter updates, reads my blogs and watches me from the stands. Maybe? He loves me. I think? He types things he knows I will read, he says things he knows I will feel. Why are we apart? We are always apart, we have been apart for a long time. He knows I watch him, he knows I know he watches me. Why can't you just front me and say Hello?
He lives a few hours away. So it seems. He doesn't live that far from me. But, it feels that way. We are dream lovers. We are nightmare lovers. But we are lovers. I have forgiven him. I think? He makes me angry and I cry. cry. cry. I wonder if he cries too? He is creative, his words flow through me like a magick snap with the fingertips. Do my words tickle his insides?
My heart feels half empty. Not the glass half full-half empty, but just empty empty. This is real life but our love is not real. I wish it was real. It used to be real.
He doesn't know my secrets anymore, nor do I know his. But I know his deep inner thoughts. They are not the same. The music that plays from my laptop makes me tear up. Can he hear it? I cry. cry. cry.
Be mine!. Please. please be mine! I start to kneel down on my bed and beg for him to see me, to love me, to sing to me. I feel this urge to dance. We danced once upon a time in my bedroom. In the middle of the room. Mom was sleeping, my brother was gone....but he was there with me. His thoughts were of me, his heart was for me, he was really really there, only for me. We danced.
I get up from my warm bed. I walk to the door, out the door, down the elevator, to the bus stop. I wait. .......
The bus comes, I walk on and sit in the back. I sit in the dirty, nasty, bacteria infested bus seat. But I don't notice the smell, I don't look back at the stares. I just think. Dance. The bus stops in front of the water front and I walk to the park bench where I have so many memories. I sit there and wait. I don't know what I am waiting for. But I am waiting for something.
He walks by. He doesn't look down at me nor do I look up at him.
I love you~I whisper
I love you~he whispers
Another million years of daydreaming and wishing to be together, another billion years to say those words again
I shiver. It is cold.
Goodnight sweet dream lover. Goodnight.