Dexterity Sincerity
Hello, and welcome to another show. This week we will be talking about hands, not the lefty crap one (unless your left-handed), but the good one, the right one, the righteous one. We've had lots of letters from viewers asking our in-house jester, Dr. Jeremy Beadle what he would give for this right hand. Well we thought we would dedicate this programme to the things that you can do with your right hand, following with a light-hearted discussion afterwards about what it would really take to give it. I've donated my very own for this cause. Let's take a look...
This is my right hand. The thumb and pinky finger at opposite points to each other, this is known as a Common Hand
As you can see, through the process of evolution, the wide array of digits, profused across a maximum span via a minimal paw breadth allows the human mind to extend it's otherwise banal process into a limbed interplay. It could be argued by some, that without the hand, the human mind could simply not develop a level of intelligence beyond the impasse of a jellyfish, because of lack of due expression. On the other 'hand' it is also believed that the human hand could simply not be without the complex emotional nature of the mind, a chicken-and-egg paradox, if you will. To illustrate the debate, here are some of the things for the former argument.
Like many human beings, I have:
1) Blamed everything on the cat. A simple pointed gesture removes all sense of guilt and undue emotional process from the mind, clearly demonstrated in this iconic image.
As opposed to the sense of pre-fabricated innocence however, the power of guilt can be overwhelming upon one's mind by the homeostatic tendencies of the hand, the simple act of touch, delivered in full explicit Taschen-quality as shown below:
And the now first stage of truth - Denial. By "uneventful" regard to the actual accused feline, mind and hand unite to create an assymetric view of the actual events, by way of cartoonising the situation. A few pastels, some ingres paper, a little work, and the mind has purged itself from it's own status, without realising the consequences of awareness:
Stage Two of Truth - Self-abuse. I give you, The Wanking Claw:
Mild substance abuse. As depicted here, the vehemence of outwardly-projected turmoil exacerbated by a Lambert & Butler (Gallaher Tobacco LTD, all rights reserved, 2007)...
...And my proud sponsors "Hoegaarden" [sniff-sniff] If it wasn't for you guys, stage Two would never have happened...
Stage Three - Turning In On Oneself While In A State Of Stage Two Intoxication . "It's all my Goddamn fault [Sob! Oh sob!] Oh Poor Kitty, if only I had said the chicken came before the egg! Karma, here I come! Eggghhhhh! (in glorious Technicolor, as below)
But then, Stage Four appears, in a desperate bid for self-preservation, the human mind reaches out, like The Force, through the ether of reality's fabric, and escapes itself through homeostatic impulse: Stage Four - Epiphany, The Door Of Oppurtunity (Adore the splendid attention to wooden door fabric, you will):
Stage Five - To Conquer The World. Finding the emergency escape route from the perils of one's own treacherous mind in Stage Four (A New Hope), I now feel like I could "take the entire empire on myself". Or crush neighbourhood Chimneys with a renewed sense of God-sized pathetic tyranny. Behold! My thumb and forefinger's deadly grasp, wretched chimney!
And now, the conclusion. Is Jeremy Beadle's reduced hand the reason for his impertintent audicity? With shows such as "Beadle's About", "You've Been framed" and "Oooh Doctor, My Cock's Girth Is Wider than Your Wrist" ? Or does his brillo-bonced cranium cradle a diabolically deviant mind of potentially Taliban-plotting proportions?
For the answers you seek, talk to The Hand.
This is my right hand. The thumb and pinky finger at opposite points to each other, this is known as a Common Hand
As you can see, through the process of evolution, the wide array of digits, profused across a maximum span via a minimal paw breadth allows the human mind to extend it's otherwise banal process into a limbed interplay. It could be argued by some, that without the hand, the human mind could simply not develop a level of intelligence beyond the impasse of a jellyfish, because of lack of due expression. On the other 'hand' it is also believed that the human hand could simply not be without the complex emotional nature of the mind, a chicken-and-egg paradox, if you will. To illustrate the debate, here are some of the things for the former argument.
Like many human beings, I have:
1) Blamed everything on the cat. A simple pointed gesture removes all sense of guilt and undue emotional process from the mind, clearly demonstrated in this iconic image.
As opposed to the sense of pre-fabricated innocence however, the power of guilt can be overwhelming upon one's mind by the homeostatic tendencies of the hand, the simple act of touch, delivered in full explicit Taschen-quality as shown below:
And the now first stage of truth - Denial. By "uneventful" regard to the actual accused feline, mind and hand unite to create an assymetric view of the actual events, by way of cartoonising the situation. A few pastels, some ingres paper, a little work, and the mind has purged itself from it's own status, without realising the consequences of awareness:
Stage Two of Truth - Self-abuse. I give you, The Wanking Claw:
Mild substance abuse. As depicted here, the vehemence of outwardly-projected turmoil exacerbated by a Lambert & Butler (Gallaher Tobacco LTD, all rights reserved, 2007)...
...And my proud sponsors "Hoegaarden" [sniff-sniff] If it wasn't for you guys, stage Two would never have happened...
Stage Three - Turning In On Oneself While In A State Of Stage Two Intoxication . "It's all my Goddamn fault [Sob! Oh sob!] Oh Poor Kitty, if only I had said the chicken came before the egg! Karma, here I come! Eggghhhhh! (in glorious Technicolor, as below)
But then, Stage Four appears, in a desperate bid for self-preservation, the human mind reaches out, like The Force, through the ether of reality's fabric, and escapes itself through homeostatic impulse: Stage Four - Epiphany, The Door Of Oppurtunity (Adore the splendid attention to wooden door fabric, you will):
Stage Five - To Conquer The World. Finding the emergency escape route from the perils of one's own treacherous mind in Stage Four (A New Hope), I now feel like I could "take the entire empire on myself". Or crush neighbourhood Chimneys with a renewed sense of God-sized pathetic tyranny. Behold! My thumb and forefinger's deadly grasp, wretched chimney!
And now, the conclusion. Is Jeremy Beadle's reduced hand the reason for his impertintent audicity? With shows such as "Beadle's About", "You've Been framed" and "Oooh Doctor, My Cock's Girth Is Wider than Your Wrist" ? Or does his brillo-bonced cranium cradle a diabolically deviant mind of potentially Taliban-plotting proportions?
For the answers you seek, talk to The Hand.