A time to love
Sometimes i can't help but question my passion for writing because i don't seem to write very much for someone who has an intention to pursue a career in writing. And lately it seems that time is no longer a luxury i can afford spending on writing, at least not on my blog.
I wanted to write about something different today, about several thoughts i had related to academic matters that i came upon in my modules that i wanted to explore, but not today.
Not when i just came upon the most heartwrenching reality that got me realising what i could have done, but did not do as a friend. Not when my dear friend is going through something so troubling and yet i've never been there for her. For the past month, i've missed her at school. More so than i actually realised, until i saw her blog. And then i saw a part of myself in her reflection and what i'm heading towards. Now that i look back, i should have done my part as a friend. And perhaps if i did that, then we wouldn't be where we are today, and i wouldn't have come so close to losing a friend whom i only just realised means a lot to me.
All these emotions i'm feeling now, regarding friendship, regarding self-image, regarding self-worth - all a result of what's been happening around me that i've chosen to push aside for the longest time.
All these questions i've had about my friends, my best friends, my closest friends, and what exactly do i mean to them. What am i to you? Just a friend to call when help is needed? A friend to call out when bored and in need of some form of companionship, and then cast aside when more important things come your way? A friend to go to only when in need of advise and encouragement, and never to offer encouragement to when down herself? The list is endless - i've felt all of these and more. I've battled with my self-worth, of wondering if i'm just not good enough for my friends to notice.
Then i realised that i'm doing the same to some friends of mine. I can say for a fact that i always try to be there for my friends, i've always voluntarily offered words of advise and encouragement, and a hand in their darkest times. But not for all. I can't deny that i've left out people who have taken a backseat in my life, who are important but somehow seemingly not important enough for me to make that effort for them, and now i feel terribly guilty about it.
How can i blame my closest friends for not realising what i'm going through when i haven't done the same myself?
Reading her blog just brought flashbacks about the past few months. About my own weight issues, about my own perceptions of my body. About how it took losing 3kg to finally begin to accept my reflection in the mirror again. And even now, i admit that it still isn't enough. And NOW i really feel her.
And i realised i need to do something before i lose that chance altogether.
Have you all done your part for your friends? If you haven't, what are you waiting for?
I wanted to write about something different today, about several thoughts i had related to academic matters that i came upon in my modules that i wanted to explore, but not today.
Not when i just came upon the most heartwrenching reality that got me realising what i could have done, but did not do as a friend. Not when my dear friend is going through something so troubling and yet i've never been there for her. For the past month, i've missed her at school. More so than i actually realised, until i saw her blog. And then i saw a part of myself in her reflection and what i'm heading towards. Now that i look back, i should have done my part as a friend. And perhaps if i did that, then we wouldn't be where we are today, and i wouldn't have come so close to losing a friend whom i only just realised means a lot to me.
All these emotions i'm feeling now, regarding friendship, regarding self-image, regarding self-worth - all a result of what's been happening around me that i've chosen to push aside for the longest time.
All these questions i've had about my friends, my best friends, my closest friends, and what exactly do i mean to them. What am i to you? Just a friend to call when help is needed? A friend to call out when bored and in need of some form of companionship, and then cast aside when more important things come your way? A friend to go to only when in need of advise and encouragement, and never to offer encouragement to when down herself? The list is endless - i've felt all of these and more. I've battled with my self-worth, of wondering if i'm just not good enough for my friends to notice.
Then i realised that i'm doing the same to some friends of mine. I can say for a fact that i always try to be there for my friends, i've always voluntarily offered words of advise and encouragement, and a hand in their darkest times. But not for all. I can't deny that i've left out people who have taken a backseat in my life, who are important but somehow seemingly not important enough for me to make that effort for them, and now i feel terribly guilty about it.
How can i blame my closest friends for not realising what i'm going through when i haven't done the same myself?
Reading her blog just brought flashbacks about the past few months. About my own weight issues, about my own perceptions of my body. About how it took losing 3kg to finally begin to accept my reflection in the mirror again. And even now, i admit that it still isn't enough. And NOW i really feel her.
And i realised i need to do something before i lose that chance altogether.
Have you all done your part for your friends? If you haven't, what are you waiting for?