Fic: Don't Even Want To Talk About It (Alex) 17/17
Title: Epilogue (Chapter Seventeen)
Character: Alex
Word Count: 1300
Disclaimer: Don't own anything...
Story Summary: Another intern stumbles onto something from Alex's past with disastrous consequences.
Epilogue Summary: Alex is okay...well he will be...
xxx
Izzie had retreated, leaving Alex alone in the bathroom with nothing more than his own reflection and a head full of jumbled thoughts as company. He lowered himself down onto the edge of the bath, still tall enough to look up into his own bloodshot eyes that seemed to be daring him to do something stupid and dangerous and final.
He forced himself to look away, lowering his forehead heavily into the dry palms of his hands and biting down angrily on an urge to scream or put his fist through the mirror...something.
Instead he stood, deliberately keeping his eyes averted from his reflection and moved towards the exit back out into the long hallway. He stopped with his fingers just touching the handle, preparing to yank it open and stalk back to the relative safety of his bedroom when he found himself turning instead, back to stare hard at himself in the smudged silver, quietly strengthening his resolve and steeling his determination to get on with his life.
“You can do this...” he muttered, slightly perturbed by the fact that he was talking to himself but also acknowledging that this was something he needed to do,
“You are going to be fine and you can do this...”
He grinned hugely, falsely, the movements feeling old and unfamiliar, as though he'd not used those muscles for months and hell...maybe he hadn't, not really, not used them and meant it. He scrubbed his hands over his face, reddening his cheeks and making his eyes water before sucking in a lung full of air that he then expelled slowly and steadily.
“You can do this.”
He grinned again, his muscles warming up to the motion, skin creasing naturally into a once remembered pattern before turning with purpose and walking away. His bedroom door was open and he looked in on his way past. Despite an intention to head downstairs Alex found himself stepping across the threshold and fighting a desire to pull the door closed and to hibernate behind the relative safety of those four strong walls, the fact that he'd let his own emotional barriers crumble to barely recognisable ruins in the last few weeks creating an uncomfortable desire to be ensconced between four physical ones.
His guitar was still lying discarded on the bed, a rough hand print in the thin layer of dust that still covered it the only evidence that he had picked it up at all. He stood over it now, still apprehensive and unsure but also determined to try. He picked it up resolutely and started quickly towards the stairs putting immediate distance between himself and his bed.
Only steps before he reached the kitchen Alex detected the sound of muffled voices, deliberately hushed, as though whispering and he stilled in an attempt to make sense of the rumblings. The voices were recognisable, Izzie and Meredith but the words were not and though he knew without even having to think about it that it would be Izzie filling Meredith in on the events of the afternoon he decided to repeat his you can do this mantra and take the first step towards getting his life back.
And step one was convincing his very difficult to fool house-mates that he had decided he was now fine and that they no longer needed to whisper about him in closed kitchens or have covert phone calls with his old friends in other states...or worry that he was going to drink the dish-washing liquid or use one of Meredith's mother's good silver knives to open the veins on his wrists. They would be a good first test on his way to reclaiming his sanity.
Alex stood in the doorway and watched their exchange intently for a moment. So wrapped up in their hushed conversation the girls had not noticed him approach and he took the time to examine them both closely, the way their eyes shone when they thought they were being clandestine, the way Izzie talked so flamboyantly with her hands and the way Meredith scrunched up one eye more than the other when she was listening intently. It was a fascinating study in female interaction but seeing them at it only confirmed his belief that he was the topic of debate today and he suddenly found himself wanting to put a stop to it right away.
He lifted the guitar into its familiar place against his chest and strummed loudly, relishing in the way it caused both women to jump and Izzie to shriek a little before coughing loudly in an attempt to cover up her fright.
“Hey, it's Bon Jovi!” Meredith exclaimed while Izzie's face broke into a wide grin as he locked his eyes on hers to convey the silent meaning in his actions that he was sure she had detected and understood.
“No...” Izzie replied, disagreeing with her and rising from her seat slowly, “it's Alex Karev...finally.”
He shared a look with her, grinning easily and leaning laconically against the door frame, softly strumming a rhythm he didn't even have to think about, a rhythm as familiar as the beat of his own heart in his chest.
“Well, I don't care who it is...” Meredith retorted, snaking her body across the kitchen table with her arms outstretched, “...'coz wooo weee Alex, that is one sexy look you've got going there...”
“Well, I 'spose the bloodshot anorexic look is very rockstar these days,” Alex commented, knowing his current appearance was far from sexy.
Alex watched as Izzie sunk back into her seat again and he stilled his fingers and moved further into the kitchen with them.
“So...you're okay then?”
Alex nodded slowly, to himself first and then more forcibly to show the girls as well.
“Yeah, I am I think and...while you're both here I just wanted to say thank for...well, you know...” Alex struggled slightly to get the words out in a coherent sentence, shrugging his shoulders and lowering his eyes to the table top.
“Hey, you don't have to thank us Alex...”
“No, no I do. I do need to say thanks and I mean it okay? I really do...and I know I don't say stuff like that very often but it doesn't mean I don't think it and I know you both have much more important stuff to be worrying about than whether I'm going to freak out and...” Alex stopped to take a shaky breath and was cut off again by a hand closing over his and a chorused Alex.
He let the rest of his monologue pause for a minute as he pulled his hand back and out of Izzie's reach before continuing.
“I know, I know okay, it's just...I'm not used to girls like you two!”
Meredith and Izzie exchanged a confused look and a raised eyebrow.
“No, I mean, my mom well, you saw her Izz, and in alot'a ways Kelly was the same, both of them were victims I guess and I was always looking after them and I'm not used to girls who can do the looking after and I'm definitely not used to being looked after so...”
He grinned and shrugged his shoulders.
“...oh and by the way, while we're in the sharing caring mood, Izz...George? Seriously? Bambi?”
Izzie groaned, deep in her throat and lowered her forehead to the kitchen table, banging it lightly against the wooden top and raising her hands skywards as Meredith tried to stifle her giggles while pulling a face and covering her eyes with her fingers.
“Don't okay? Please don't talk about it...I'm in denial and it's working very well for me...”
“Well, I just can't believe Bambi's slept with the both of you...what's with that?”
The End
Author's Note: Thank you everyone who is still reading! I hope you've enjoyed this journey as much as I have, it's been a lot longer and a lot more winding that I originally planned.
To everyone who was kind enough to tell me what they thought along the way, extra special thanks...