[chicago fire] fic | What I Got Wrong

[waltzmatildah]

Title | What I Got Wrong
Fandom | Chicago Fire
Characters | Kelly Severide + Leslie Shay
Word Count | 1000
Rating | MA [language]
Summary | An AU for immediately following the fight between Kelly and Leslie in episode 1x10
Author’s Note | This is for citron_presse for her prompt what if you should decide, that you don’t want me there by your side… for the chicagofire_tv

Comments

[citron_presse]

OMFG!!!!

Oh, you wanted something more intelligent?

Yeah . . . you'll have to wait for that until my brain comes back on line.

In the meantime, it's FABULOUS AND BEYOND! I LOVE IT! Thank you!

ETA:

So . . .

First of all, just . . . the format is incredible - like, intrinsically aesthetically pleasing, visually and verbally. Then, I am so impressed by how you used it to really get at Kelly's essence and essence of his situation - pared down, no padding, as it were.

Just wow!

It's an interesting process to be (once again, because you are so good at this) lost in Severide's (because I have to use his last name at least once every time I write about him - I think it's beginning to be a fetish!) consciousness; and, at the same time captivated by the form. And they feed into each other so perfectly!

I like this so much better than the episode. It's bleaker. He's not living up to his "A Good Person" label - which, that whole passage is amazing; and also amazing how you distilled down your theories into something so succinct; but it's much more realistic. He's fucked up - he was never going to make the first move, probably even under the (arguable plot device) circumstances they put him in on the show. But he would want to, because, as Shay pointed out in the drug test episode - this is not who he is. But, right now, as you indicate in the end, he's not capable of anything better.

Okay, I love the last line. My heart went out to him on all kinds of levels because, throughout this, it's like you're peeling back his layers until you show the childhood insecurity that led to all this. e.g. Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I’ll go eat… / a handful of narcotic painkillers. Also, the scene where he's not sleeping, in the dark, and instantly relaxes when he hears Shay's key in the lock. And, of course, the last line,
“Please don’t leave me again.” . . . oh, wow.

Finally, section 15. How is something so straightforward and unembellished so totally heart-rending? This may actually be my favorite section, I think, and it's the definition of masterly writing for me!

HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS?! This is beyond remarkable and I adore it!

[waltzmatildah]

Firstly, I AM SO GLAD THAT YOUR FIRST RESPONSE WAS THAT YOU LOVED IT! I was a little worried about the style working but I figured (following a conversation with Catteo) that considering I (and LOTS of other people) freaking loved it in the book I referenced, there was a chance it could work in fanfic too?

So, on to your ETA. Your point that the format was incredible allays all my above fears. WOOOT AND MORE PHEW!

pared down, no padding, That's exactly what I wanted. Raw and sparse.

because I have to use his last name at least once every time I write about him I must admit that I did enjoy getting to use the name quite a few times in this fic! HEEEEEE!

I like this so much better than the episode. It's bleaker. To many people it would probably sound weird for me to say that I FREAKING LOVE that you thought this was bleak, but I think you know me well enough by now to know that bleak is where I LIVE! Haha! So, yes, that was EXACTLY what I wanted to do with this. And you're exactly right re. the episode. I think that's partly why catteo and I were somewhat "meh" about the whole thing (and why I made the comment yesterday about them potentially backing off on the storyline). There was great scope for them in the episode to really get at the heart of things (and maybe they're going there so I don't want to sell them short just yet but...). I think the whole thing with Kelly approaching Dawson and then, bam, the next scene there's this brilliant plan and he's already got access to an EAP sorted out and an appointment with the surgeon and suddenly Shay's moving back in with him and just... it was all too neat and too much of it happened off screen. And you know what happens to my dark!fic loving brain when things happen off screen!!! It goes a little crazy.

it's like you're peeling back his layers until you show the childhood insecurity that led to all this YES YES YES!!! YESSSS! THIS! The reference to the 'nobody loves me' rhyme and the counting were definitely meant to indicate child-like insecurities, or, at least, adult insecurities that are embedded in childhood beliefs that have become so engrained they're now fact. IF THAT EVEN MAKES ANY SENSE. I'm just glad that you picked up on that.

[It's a little bit embarrassing how much thought and analysing and evaluation went into every line of this. I think it's why it's relatively short to be honest! It was kinda exhausting to write!]

This is beyond remarkable and I adore it! THANK YOU AND I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT! And that I FINALLY got something finished for you!