list of lights and buoys.
Currently, I am sick. First it was just flu-like symptoms, then cold-like symptoms, and then it kind of looked like strep throat. But it wasn't - just an infection, and my fever is back. So we got antibiotics (amoxicillin! wee!) and I'm resting in bed. I found out that I'm not going to transfer this fall. There's an extra english class that I have to take that I didn't know about, and my computer class didn't fit the requirements. Also, two classes from San Diego I'm still unsure about - they transfer to UCCS, but don't transfer to PPCC for their associate of science to transfer. Also, I have to do eighteen credits worth of elective classes on top of the requirements. I've basically got a couple more semesters to go. I want to do right this time though - I'm going to try and do better. I don't know why, and I don't know what will happen to me... but it will make everyone else happier. I'm going to go full time in the summer, and stock up on classes in the fall as well. I have to go through all the paperwork to see what classes I'll be taking...
I had been talking to my mom, although delirious with fever and crying like a baby which certainly didn't help my congestion issues, about life's cycles. How I understood that life came in cycles. How I wait patiently for the good stuff. It only seems to me, that, the good stuff is fleeting, and then it just comes right be around to the bad stuff. Like some sort of evil elliptical orbit. I've quite possibly killed my car. Only because it decided to not really show any symptoms to me. And I was supposed to know. It's still running but it's kind of on life support. Fluids being checked every week and all that. My Dad tries to help me while I was sick, but he ends up just yelling at me, throwing vitamin D and expectorant at me. Still have a bruise from him on my shoulder when he decided to punch me for accidentally giving something away in a TV show Brandon was watching...
Mom told me I had to start letting people help me. I'm basically physically incapable of being helped. I can't let it happen. I don't understand it, I don't understand why I need help. Need assistance in...anything. She says it's okay. She kept telling me, repeatedly, that I was allowed to receive help because they loved me and I just kept crying. My Dad kept saying throughout my childhood that "you're almost [insert upcoming age], you should know how to do [whatever task]". Over and over. Made me feel stupid for not knowing already how to do things. I want to be able to do things on my own, because then maybe, finally, one day, he will stop saying that to me. But then Mom tells me I don't have to. And it just confuses me. The wiring in my brain that was implemented throughout my childhood is very hard to sway.
But I still have a fever, and I'm babbling, and this coughing is keeping me up. I'm still hopelessly hopeful and I'm waiting for the good stuff to come by again. Even if fleeting.
I had been talking to my mom, although delirious with fever and crying like a baby which certainly didn't help my congestion issues, about life's cycles. How I understood that life came in cycles. How I wait patiently for the good stuff. It only seems to me, that, the good stuff is fleeting, and then it just comes right be around to the bad stuff. Like some sort of evil elliptical orbit. I've quite possibly killed my car. Only because it decided to not really show any symptoms to me. And I was supposed to know. It's still running but it's kind of on life support. Fluids being checked every week and all that. My Dad tries to help me while I was sick, but he ends up just yelling at me, throwing vitamin D and expectorant at me. Still have a bruise from him on my shoulder when he decided to punch me for accidentally giving something away in a TV show Brandon was watching...
Mom told me I had to start letting people help me. I'm basically physically incapable of being helped. I can't let it happen. I don't understand it, I don't understand why I need help. Need assistance in...anything. She says it's okay. She kept telling me, repeatedly, that I was allowed to receive help because they loved me and I just kept crying. My Dad kept saying throughout my childhood that "you're almost [insert upcoming age], you should know how to do [whatever task]". Over and over. Made me feel stupid for not knowing already how to do things. I want to be able to do things on my own, because then maybe, finally, one day, he will stop saying that to me. But then Mom tells me I don't have to. And it just confuses me. The wiring in my brain that was implemented throughout my childhood is very hard to sway.
But I still have a fever, and I'm babbling, and this coughing is keeping me up. I'm still hopelessly hopeful and I'm waiting for the good stuff to come by again. Even if fleeting.