Today's Total Body Workout
Best done when it's about 110 degrees out.
1) Detect low rumbling of heavy-trash-pickup vehicle.
2) Scramble to find shoes.
3) Roll old wagon out of the garage while compensating for two flat tires.
4) Drag wagon through gravel.
5) Open gate.
6) Drag wagon through more gravel.
7) Roll wagon across back patio.
8) Rearrange patio furniture to make way.
9) Finish rolling across patio.
9) Turn corner and drag wagon across gravel.
10) Drag wagon through grass.
11) Drag wagon uphill through gravel.
12) Open another gate.
13) Drag/roll wagon through dirt.
14) Tip dead A/C backwards with one hand and try to jam wagon under with the other.
15) Next idea: point wagon to the sun.
16) Shimmy A/C over to wagon.
17) Work a corner of the A/C over what was once the back edge of the wagon.
18) While balancing on right foot, place one hand on the far edge of the A/C and the other on the handle of the wagon. Pivot the wagon back to its standard orientation with the A/C on top of the wagon, using left foot to maintain pressure between the wagon edge and A/C bottom so that wagon edge doesn't simply pop away in the face of hoisting the A/C.
19) Grasping the handle of the wagon between ones knees, wrap arms around now prone A/C and try to distribute its weight such that it won't tip over wagon on the left side or fall off the wagon on the right side (due to the two flat tires).
20) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through the dirt.
21) Stop after one foot and again try to resituate the A/C.
22) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through the dirt.
23) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through the gate and down the incline (yes, pull down the incline -- it was a professional grade workout wagon. Rookies are advised to start out with a wagon with four well-inflated wheels, and as always, consult your doctor before beginning any exercise regimen).
24) Turn the wagon with A/C on top upon meeting the grass.
25) Dump the A/C on the grass.
26) Face the sun and shout "Eli Eli lama sabachthani!"
27) Repeat steps 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 and 21.
28) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through the grass.
29) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through the gravel.
30) Pull the wagon with A/C on top up on to the patio.
31) Pull the wagon with A/C on top across the patio. (This was actually harder than through the gravel).
32) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through a very, very long stretch of gravel.
33) Pull the wagon with A/C on top up onto sidewalk and orient.
34) Balancing on the left foot(note the symmetry in the onefootednesses of the A/C-on / A/C-off steps -- chicks don't dig a guy with one really buff calf and one really wimpy one.), use right hand to press DOWN on the A/C in the middle of the cart, use left hand to pull up on the wagon handle, and maintain right foot at the back of the wagon to prevent rolling, thereby inducing a moment.
35) Jump the fuck out of the way as gravity kicks in at the end of step 34.
36) Return wagon to garage and collapse just as heavy-trash-pickup vehicle arrives.
1) Detect low rumbling of heavy-trash-pickup vehicle.
2) Scramble to find shoes.
3) Roll old wagon out of the garage while compensating for two flat tires.
4) Drag wagon through gravel.
5) Open gate.
6) Drag wagon through more gravel.
7) Roll wagon across back patio.
8) Rearrange patio furniture to make way.
9) Finish rolling across patio.
9) Turn corner and drag wagon across gravel.
10) Drag wagon through grass.
11) Drag wagon uphill through gravel.
12) Open another gate.
13) Drag/roll wagon through dirt.
14) Tip dead A/C backwards with one hand and try to jam wagon under with the other.
15) Next idea: point wagon to the sun.
16) Shimmy A/C over to wagon.
17) Work a corner of the A/C over what was once the back edge of the wagon.
18) While balancing on right foot, place one hand on the far edge of the A/C and the other on the handle of the wagon. Pivot the wagon back to its standard orientation with the A/C on top of the wagon, using left foot to maintain pressure between the wagon edge and A/C bottom so that wagon edge doesn't simply pop away in the face of hoisting the A/C.
19) Grasping the handle of the wagon between ones knees, wrap arms around now prone A/C and try to distribute its weight such that it won't tip over wagon on the left side or fall off the wagon on the right side (due to the two flat tires).
20) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through the dirt.
21) Stop after one foot and again try to resituate the A/C.
22) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through the dirt.
23) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through the gate and down the incline (yes, pull down the incline -- it was a professional grade workout wagon. Rookies are advised to start out with a wagon with four well-inflated wheels, and as always, consult your doctor before beginning any exercise regimen).
24) Turn the wagon with A/C on top upon meeting the grass.
25) Dump the A/C on the grass.
26) Face the sun and shout "Eli Eli lama sabachthani!"
27) Repeat steps 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 and 21.
28) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through the grass.
29) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through the gravel.
30) Pull the wagon with A/C on top up on to the patio.
31) Pull the wagon with A/C on top across the patio. (This was actually harder than through the gravel).
32) Pull the wagon with A/C on top through a very, very long stretch of gravel.
33) Pull the wagon with A/C on top up onto sidewalk and orient.
34) Balancing on the left foot(note the symmetry in the onefootednesses of the A/C-on / A/C-off steps -- chicks don't dig a guy with one really buff calf and one really wimpy one.), use right hand to press DOWN on the A/C in the middle of the cart, use left hand to pull up on the wagon handle, and maintain right foot at the back of the wagon to prevent rolling, thereby inducing a moment.
35) Jump the fuck out of the way as gravity kicks in at the end of step 34.
36) Return wagon to garage and collapse just as heavy-trash-pickup vehicle arrives.