Some thoughts.....
Over the past couple of days I have become to realize things about life. I have realized that some people only care about you sometimes and then there are others that are always there for you. I guess saying that some people only care sometimes is a bit harsh. Maybe it is more like, they show their emotions when it is convenient for them. I have been throwing this thought back and forth in my mind for quite a while now. It is because I have been rather upset with one of my friends. I know it is difficult because we do not live as close anymore, but I feel like she doesn't even care about me. The only time we really talk is when she is upset and needs to talk to someone. It hurts that this is the only time we talk. We used to hang out all the time and just talk about stupid stuff. Now, if I invite her over or ask her to do something I will never get a straight answer or she won't come at all. I understand that people are busy but not that busy. I feel that our connection has been completely lost. It really hurts. It hurt that I was so close to someone, we had so much in common, and now we barely even talk. It hurts me to talk to her because I have all of these thoughts floating through my head. It hurt so much the other day when I saw her, she told me that she hoped I had a good week. That is horrible. We used to talk everyday and now she is wishing me a good week. What is that? That makes me incredibly heart broken. I know it sounds like I just won't go talk to her about this but I have tried and I can't. I will try to talk to her about it and all that happens is we talk about something else. Then, one night I was definitely going to tell her and then something really unfortunate happened in her life, so there was no way I was going to burden her with my feelings. I so badly want to tell her what is going on in my mind. Hopefully soon, there will be a time that will present itself and I will be able to get my feelings out into the open.
On a happier note, this weekend I have also realized how much I truly mean to some people. I have realized that I mean a lot to Ryan. He has been here since Wednesday night, he just left yesterday, and I would not trade that time for anything. We went to the Pub on Thursday night. It was so much fun. I haven't had that mich fun at the Pub in a long time. I know I say that i haven't had that much fun in a long time a lot, but this time it was soooo much fun. Ryan seemed to be having such a good time there. I haven't seen him that happy in a while. He seemed to feel comfortable, right at home. We danced forever and it was wonderful. He made me feel so special and loved that night. All he wanted to do was be with me, it was the greatest feeling in the world. The rest of the weekend has been a blur. We have been hanging out, making dinner, watching movies and just bonding. On Friday night we went out to dinner just the two of us. It was nice to go out, have a relaxing dinner and just talk. No one else was around to bother us, just one on one time. Then on Saturday night we had a gathering of people for Jean Ann's 21st birthday. I felt kind of bad because I know she was mad at us. Krysta and I told a lot of people about the gathering but not a lot of people came that we invited. A lot of people from her work came but I think she was kind of pissed off about that. Then, since I didn't really know any of those people and I wanted to just spend time with Ryan, him and I went upstairs. I know that Jean Ann was mad about it but there is nothing that I can do about it. She gets mad at me for a lot of things and most of the time I am joking around with her. It seems as though she can never take a joke. Anyway, on Sunday, Ryan and I had breakfast and just watched movies. It was fun cuddling on the couch and spending quality time together. I love when he was here he would take me to my classes and then pick me up from them. I just loved that. I felt so special. I felt that he really cared about me because he would go out of his way to drop me off and then come back and pick me up. While Ryan was here him and I had some serious talks and I feel really close to him now. When he left this time I think it was the hardest for me. I have never wanted him this badly to stay here. I always wanted him to stay here but this time I want to lay in front of his car so that he would not leave me. We have become so close these past couple of days, I just cannot describe it. I want him to be here. I want him to come to school here and be here all the time with me. I think that if he did the two of us would be so much happier. I miss him so much right now and it hasn't even been 12 hours without seeing him. When he called last night I told him that I felt lonely. I truly did. I just wanted to turn over in my bed and see him sleeping peacefully next to me. I wish that he was here with me. I get to see him soo soon which makes me incredibly happy. This week/weekend was the most amazing time I have ever had. I love Ryan more than anything in the whole wide world. He makes me feel so special and loved. There is nothing I would rather be doing the spending time with him. Ryan, I truly love you. I am such a better person with you. You brighten up my life. I love you. Thank you for this amazing time we shared.
On a happier note, this weekend I have also realized how much I truly mean to some people. I have realized that I mean a lot to Ryan. He has been here since Wednesday night, he just left yesterday, and I would not trade that time for anything. We went to the Pub on Thursday night. It was so much fun. I haven't had that mich fun at the Pub in a long time. I know I say that i haven't had that much fun in a long time a lot, but this time it was soooo much fun. Ryan seemed to be having such a good time there. I haven't seen him that happy in a while. He seemed to feel comfortable, right at home. We danced forever and it was wonderful. He made me feel so special and loved that night. All he wanted to do was be with me, it was the greatest feeling in the world. The rest of the weekend has been a blur. We have been hanging out, making dinner, watching movies and just bonding. On Friday night we went out to dinner just the two of us. It was nice to go out, have a relaxing dinner and just talk. No one else was around to bother us, just one on one time. Then on Saturday night we had a gathering of people for Jean Ann's 21st birthday. I felt kind of bad because I know she was mad at us. Krysta and I told a lot of people about the gathering but not a lot of people came that we invited. A lot of people from her work came but I think she was kind of pissed off about that. Then, since I didn't really know any of those people and I wanted to just spend time with Ryan, him and I went upstairs. I know that Jean Ann was mad about it but there is nothing that I can do about it. She gets mad at me for a lot of things and most of the time I am joking around with her. It seems as though she can never take a joke. Anyway, on Sunday, Ryan and I had breakfast and just watched movies. It was fun cuddling on the couch and spending quality time together. I love when he was here he would take me to my classes and then pick me up from them. I just loved that. I felt so special. I felt that he really cared about me because he would go out of his way to drop me off and then come back and pick me up. While Ryan was here him and I had some serious talks and I feel really close to him now. When he left this time I think it was the hardest for me. I have never wanted him this badly to stay here. I always wanted him to stay here but this time I want to lay in front of his car so that he would not leave me. We have become so close these past couple of days, I just cannot describe it. I want him to be here. I want him to come to school here and be here all the time with me. I think that if he did the two of us would be so much happier. I miss him so much right now and it hasn't even been 12 hours without seeing him. When he called last night I told him that I felt lonely. I truly did. I just wanted to turn over in my bed and see him sleeping peacefully next to me. I wish that he was here with me. I get to see him soo soon which makes me incredibly happy. This week/weekend was the most amazing time I have ever had. I love Ryan more than anything in the whole wide world. He makes me feel so special and loved. There is nothing I would rather be doing the spending time with him. Ryan, I truly love you. I am such a better person with you. You brighten up my life. I love you. Thank you for this amazing time we shared.