Blueberry body butter.
The reason I make my mother my date so often is that she uses mentally damaging blackmail on me, to get me to invite her. She will seriously withhold her love and friendly ear by playing the I'm so tired card and "you know, Katie, I don't enjoy LA that much." Why? "Oh, no reason, I'm getting old." She'll make those huffing and puffing sounds so I feel bad when she will be no doubt running a marathon up and down the streets of San Francisco with me on her hands-free. In her sweats and like with her head and wrist bands on mouthing, 'she's such a sucker' to her joggerthon fiend friends. That's my mom, she's a firecracker. She once set her hair alight, referring to herself as "The Human Candle" for six days and tried to burn a poor woman's faux fur coat when sat behind her in church. So yeah, she's doing all of this, I've got out of the bath, my legs all shaved and ready for whatever event I've conned my way in to next. I'll take a Sofia Coppola flick -- HEY BEN -- if it ever has a premiere, free booze and mild 80's pop tunes, and now I've seen the way this woman types her e-mails, she's even mastered the art of instant messaging and can use ty/ysvw better than I could ever imagine doing so. And I hear her typing, she'll say she's watching TV and playing the handheld electronic Sudoku my sister put in her Christmas stocking, when I know she's telling her Internet buddies that her daughter is going to the new Coppola flick for free booze and music, but that she's invited and she's going too. And even though I know it's coming, I ask her anyway. Ask being too strong a word. I tell her anyway, mom. I'm going to the new Sofia Coppola movie even if I don't like her work, because of the free drinks and she'll stop me, smile, type 'hehe ;)'. Yeah, it's going to be big, Oprah's gonna be at the bar there, licking the insides of shot glasses. Then it's quiet until she speaks up, agrees to go with me and take my spare ticket without asking, she's had her outfit picked out for the last two weeks, and already got a haircut. Suddenly Los Angeles is cool, and she's down with it. She'll call in to my brother's the day after and stay there, saying not. one. word. about the smog. Once I've agreed, then she'll tell me she loves me, so I can sleep at night. It's the formula to bring families together. Today!!!
Anyway, now I'm over my shallow trivialities, body covered in blueberry butter, I can take time to reflect over the last two weeks of the show and draw up an extended list of why I should run the joint. The same list I wiped my mouth on after the pasta I ate last night. Keep watching, I won't tell if you squeal.
Anyway, now I'm over my shallow trivialities, body covered in blueberry butter, I can take time to reflect over the last two weeks of the show and draw up an extended list of why I should run the joint. The same list I wiped my mouth on after the pasta I ate last night. Keep watching, I won't tell if you squeal.