(no subject)
Heart aching, I'm home from lifegroup. I really really want to be there tonight, whoever was planning on showing up. I miss those quiet, so very demure kiddos over there, and even worshipping to the cd! And telling your life's ups and downs of the last week to a ring of girls on a cushy perfectly tucked bed and after praying in a cirle, I still get nervous, everything feels so washed white and free. I have to jump to get on that tall bed. I would love to be there, know that friends, but responsible Ash jumped in and told sentimental me that I have a speech to give tomorrow. So I'm home, mix tape on, updating! I'll start the homework I'm home to work on, soon enough.
I just woke up from a headache induced nap and I dreamt like real life. I was driving on a bridge with no side walls and swerved, overcorrected like I do in real life, and went soaring off the edge. AH! It was terrifying. And so real how the heavy car sucked itself down and down and down and the rush of water smacking before I could get a good breath, and fiddling with the seat belt desperately in cold green water. I remember watching the other cars and filing cabinets and floating now green with algae sneakers rush by as I went deeper, deeper, deeper. It was terrifying and Profressor Wysong's fault for going into too much detail when we talked about earthquakes today. Then I was out and dry and nehemiah and I were trying to get through customs to get to Thailand and all our luggage had spilled down the conveyor belt, like that pesky change jar, and little asian men were screaming at us that we were just gonna have to go without all that stuff. Stressful, as we tried frantically to jam sweaters and panties and toothpastes back in the suitcases as they whizzed by. Just so dang realistic, no surprise my headache's worse now. My little brain was going to town.
My third favorite Shins song just came on the tape. "Since then its been a book you read in reverse so you understand less as the pages slowly turn, or a movie so crass and awkwardly cast that even I could be the star".
When I woke up I sat on my couch, right in the middle and propped up my legs on the coffee table. I was still half asleep and just sat there for a good 30 minutes, slowly sipping water and listening to the silence of an empty house. I was perfectly still but my mind was spinning circles and I was aboard that endless chain train ride that thoughts go on, you're riding at a dizzying pace and not knowing the destination. I got off at station love and was immersed in thoughts about how much I love people in my life right now. I stopped at this realization and just enjoyed. I guess I should tell people these things more often. I don't have hands to hold, wandering such a romantic place as Sarasota turned out to be, but I'm in so much love! With so many people! Some people I hardly see and I realized sitting on that couch suddenly I love them! It was a good meditation, I have the greatest friends in my life, so no main squeeze is fair enough, my love is spread pretty thin these days, he wouldn't get much. But maybe love's not a measurable amount and just goes on as far and wide as you allow it.
Now your new loved dido-esque song. I looked it up and it definitely (I can only spell that right because of Fran) says bubble wrap. Annoying, I was hoping it was something else. I was about to say the lyrics are nothing to look up, they're just bad. Meaningless jabber, but as it was playing and I was typing I heard something within those simple words, another level. It works! Let go, just jump in, cus He's there and waiting and has so much in store for you, just give up control! Life so abundantly, whatcha waiting for? Its even better now.
There's a flip side to this apartment complex crowded little town I love and hate, with lakes and docks and grass. Behind dingy Spanish delis with no name, just DELI on the side of the building. Such a tresure hunt, this place.
I was going to talk about stale candy I got free with a pack of pens at Walmart (...?) and how crappy my mom treated me tonight, we'll just say she's over at his house now instead of rare family dinner together at home as was the plan, another reason I stayed home from lifegroup, but I want to end on a pleasant note and this entry was pretty happy so far. So, night good friends, my loves!
Its true, once you get in the comfortable niche of updating, nothing is too minute to type, so sorry about my longwindedness. I just wanted you to know exactly what my Monday was like.
I just woke up from a headache induced nap and I dreamt like real life. I was driving on a bridge with no side walls and swerved, overcorrected like I do in real life, and went soaring off the edge. AH! It was terrifying. And so real how the heavy car sucked itself down and down and down and the rush of water smacking before I could get a good breath, and fiddling with the seat belt desperately in cold green water. I remember watching the other cars and filing cabinets and floating now green with algae sneakers rush by as I went deeper, deeper, deeper. It was terrifying and Profressor Wysong's fault for going into too much detail when we talked about earthquakes today. Then I was out and dry and nehemiah and I were trying to get through customs to get to Thailand and all our luggage had spilled down the conveyor belt, like that pesky change jar, and little asian men were screaming at us that we were just gonna have to go without all that stuff. Stressful, as we tried frantically to jam sweaters and panties and toothpastes back in the suitcases as they whizzed by. Just so dang realistic, no surprise my headache's worse now. My little brain was going to town.
My third favorite Shins song just came on the tape. "Since then its been a book you read in reverse so you understand less as the pages slowly turn, or a movie so crass and awkwardly cast that even I could be the star".
When I woke up I sat on my couch, right in the middle and propped up my legs on the coffee table. I was still half asleep and just sat there for a good 30 minutes, slowly sipping water and listening to the silence of an empty house. I was perfectly still but my mind was spinning circles and I was aboard that endless chain train ride that thoughts go on, you're riding at a dizzying pace and not knowing the destination. I got off at station love and was immersed in thoughts about how much I love people in my life right now. I stopped at this realization and just enjoyed. I guess I should tell people these things more often. I don't have hands to hold, wandering such a romantic place as Sarasota turned out to be, but I'm in so much love! With so many people! Some people I hardly see and I realized sitting on that couch suddenly I love them! It was a good meditation, I have the greatest friends in my life, so no main squeeze is fair enough, my love is spread pretty thin these days, he wouldn't get much. But maybe love's not a measurable amount and just goes on as far and wide as you allow it.
Now your new loved dido-esque song. I looked it up and it definitely (I can only spell that right because of Fran) says bubble wrap. Annoying, I was hoping it was something else. I was about to say the lyrics are nothing to look up, they're just bad. Meaningless jabber, but as it was playing and I was typing I heard something within those simple words, another level. It works! Let go, just jump in, cus He's there and waiting and has so much in store for you, just give up control! Life so abundantly, whatcha waiting for? Its even better now.
There's a flip side to this apartment complex crowded little town I love and hate, with lakes and docks and grass. Behind dingy Spanish delis with no name, just DELI on the side of the building. Such a tresure hunt, this place.
I was going to talk about stale candy I got free with a pack of pens at Walmart (...?) and how crappy my mom treated me tonight, we'll just say she's over at his house now instead of rare family dinner together at home as was the plan, another reason I stayed home from lifegroup, but I want to end on a pleasant note and this entry was pretty happy so far. So, night good friends, my loves!
Its true, once you get in the comfortable niche of updating, nothing is too minute to type, so sorry about my longwindedness. I just wanted you to know exactly what my Monday was like.