Not an Update
This is an old post that was (half)written in - *looks up the date* - March, and posted around 4.19 Red: Part Two, while I was still so aggressively boycotting the show and shutting out any information because anything about LA was stressing me out. It was incomplete and not ready to post, but I was writing it in scheduled post (idk, I was obsessed with writing in scheduled post at that time because I thought it helps me to write fast and post quickly), forgot about and it got posted, I woke up in the morning, saw such a mess went in public (even though it's most likely nobody's seen it. If you did see it, I'm sorry you had to witness the mess), locked it so fast and left it untouched for a long time - nearly 7 months ohmygodhowfasttimeflieswhathaveibeendoingishouldthrowmyselfoffcliff.
I was back on LJ for the first time after forever, browsing my LA tag and read the post, and it's a... nice? surprise to me that I haven't changed - no it's not surprising that I haven't changed, it's that I still want what I wrote down here over half a year ago. But it also depresses me more given the poor state of the show right now (even though I'm still refusing to watch current season I know what's going on and what the problems are).
BUT I LOVE THIS SHOW. I love it so much, maybe too much and take everything too seriously, I think it's because LA is still the only tv show on air and my non existent part of fucked up fandom I follow after all this time. It's the only thing I really fell in love since forever and still in love. So um, I really wanted to post it, want to start talking about it again, if only for and to myself.
The post is still incomplete because 1) some part I can't figure out what I was trying to say, 2) so I took that ????? part away, 3) also even if I know what I wanted to say I can't remember how to write in English after not writing/talking or even reading for so long. But 98% of it is still unedited, there's things I want to add but I also want to have it as it was back then. Any new information/S5 bits are of course not added (because I so want to write about those too, but not today) so it's spoiler free too. It's illogical and doesn't conclude BUT I REALLY WANT TO POST IT OKAY.
[TL;DR]
NCIS LA: The Things I Don't Want for The Season Finale, or, Ever.
I wanted to post this before 4.17 aired but couldn't. I said I'm not going to watch it anytime soon and this is why, I've got some things I think I need to address before going any further with this show. They are 1) my issue (not the show's?) with Sam/G situation with Michelle (Quinn), 2) things I have to say about 4.13, 3) things I don't want for the season finale (or ever). Today I'm going to take care of 3).
I also have to confess I'm only up to 4.14, and I didn't actually watch the ep even. I skipped the most part to cap and made a Sam/G gif I posted previously, and that's kind of worrying, because I never do that even when watching the most boring TV shows/films - if I decide to check something out I stick with it until the end and never skip. I know the reason why, it's 4.13. That ep got me stuck, also makes me wonder if I'm doing this season and fandom wrong. Same old me, I don't know why I do this to myself - being killjoy, thinking and taking things way too seriously.
Anyway, the list of things.
- I don't want G to get (back)/find out/know his first name.
- I don't want Amy Callen/Hanna Lawson to turn up alive.
- I don't want G's father to turn up alive.
- Basically I don't want any of G's family member to turn up alive, and G to get them 'back' at all.
- And oh, I don't want anyone getting killed. Ever.
I don't think that's everything, but at least those cover the essential part.
Also, believe it or not, I don't need G or Sam centric eps to get me excited for the show; I love them - it's kind of apparent, right? - but I simply love the whole show and cast and every character. (Maybe on various degree of affection, but I do love them all - if I don't I wouldn't bother to watch, I'm not the kind of fan who follows the TV show for only one character or pairing they like.) What matters to me is the ep/show is good or not - I'm not even talking about 'good' in general terms; good in NCIS standard and I'll be a happy camper. I can take filler episodes, or dull or silly, or boring ones even, if we get some good ones once in a while. 24-ish episodes for a regular season is a lot of numbers, and making/doing it all spectacular! is impossible also probably too much, and this show is not that kind of show either. But with the half of the season over, I haven't got any episode I can say that really got me. There are balanced out, fun, lukewarm-ish good (not actually) episodes, but not a single one that drives me NUTS.
(What I also love about LA is they can do serious/intense pretty well and don't hold back. And they started screwing even that up... :()
Um, where was I? Oh so, about the list. Thinking about it, for some reason, this highly acclaimed manga Antique Bakery suddenly came to my mind (I think English wikipedia doesn't do justice to it but it's not bad either). It was over a decade ago when I read it, but I really liked how it ends and still remember it. And I think that's what I want with LA. (Will spoil the whole series under here so don't read if you want to check it out, I'm pretty sure it's available in many countries and languages.)
[Spoiler (click to open)]It's an ensemble character story of four men and the people around them, but the main protagonist is a super rich, arrogant and charismatic and pure genius who can beat everyone on every field thirty-something guy A, who'd been kidnapped for about a month (? or so) when he was twelve or something, and remembers nothing about during the days he was missing except that the kidnapper fed him the cakes, only cakes. Although he lives a perfect life everyone wants on surface, his life is haunted by the kidnap and the fact he can't remember anything. After the countless heartbreaks and failed relationships (and still A+++++ in school and business), he opens the cake shop with the super star pâtissier B who's gay and whom A rejected in high school, the young ex-champion boxer boy C who's the injury forced him to give up the boxing (also orphan), and the guy D who's the son of the housekeeper of A's family and has lived together with A since their childhood, and moves in with A when A moves to new place upon starting this new 'business,' because he's the only one knows A's broken and the only one A lets to see it, even though A doesn't quite admit it. (And what makes it so funny is A is Mr. Perfect, and D can do *nothing* right even boiling the water, and still everybody loves D, and he's still the only one who A allows to see real him and take take of him.)
In the end of the series, they catch the kidnapper who's been kidnapping boys and feeding them the cakes before killing them - kidnapper isn't the one who abducted A, not exactly a copycat either, just doing the things similar way coincidentally. But it does seem to help A come to the terms and get over it. D moves out of their flat, telling A that he doesn't need D anymore, he'll be alright without him, and they all start their lives new way.
Only it turns out it isn't quite alright, and the next morning A wakes up having nightmare and screaming, just like he's been doing for last twenty years. For a moment he's upset and like 'WTF! Nothing has changed! It still ISN'T okay!' But then he catches himself, stands up and walks to the window, opens it and looks around, and it's a sunny, perfect day - then he smiles a genuine smile we never saw before and just says 'Oh, well.' And starts the day as always.
And that's it. Maybe something's changed, or nothing at all. Maybe he'll find out what really happened, but probably never will. Still life goes on, they just keep going on and continue to live.
And that is the kind of life I want G to have, the one I want him to -- how should I say it, accept? Choose?
Maybe there's never going to be a conclusion, no answer and no name and no family by blood. And even if (should I say 'when'?) he finally gets his first name, I hope he take G as his name by choice over his 'real' name. He's G Callen, always has been, and always will. What defines him is himself and what has made him who he is is him. Not having first name and any family is a biggest, daunting part of it and he or anybody can't change what he had to go through and it hurts, won't stop hurting ever, but he's still here and never stops fighting, surviving. He's been doing all of it but I want him to actually -- I don't know, acknowledge it? It's okay to be hurt and you don't have to get used to pains to make it easy?
And when he gets there, I want Sam standing by next to him. And Hetty. And Kensi and Deeks and Eric and Nell and Nate and the whole team. And it would be hard for him to actually call them his family or home, but they are the people he cares about and do anything for and they do the same for him and that's what all matters.
But I know it's all wishful thinking. There's only so many subtle/nuanced things can be done on the TV, and nobody can really control or predict things on ongoing TV shows, even the creators. It's not like the film they can think thoroughly before deciding what to do, plan and 'time' everything out. And as the series progresses, the more shocking revelations, biggest explosions, giant killings and the twists for twisted twists are going to be there, because that's what TPTBs think the TV shows have to do to please the viewers and keep them interested, and probably it's true too. I don't think many people are like me, who'd prefer to be stuck with routine and not learning new information, being left in mystery. And I also know there's too many (vocal, active) people who think the show's dragged G's so-called mystery for too long.
And the reason I don't like changes other than being a boring person is when TV shows do character backstory, most of the time I ended up very much disliking it, and there's no way reversing it back once it's done. Gibbs's backstory they started to hint in S3 and then blew in finale and kept dragging since then is one of the main reasons drove me away from the show. (But I love Gibbs & G, so my opinion is pretty much invalid. It's lame to sneak that new information in to Gibbs' history at that point (S6!) and there must be tons of people who are pissed by that.)
I'm not forgetting I did say I liked what they did with Sam's family situation in this season but that's mainly because it had to be dealt with sooner rather than later, and if it had to be done what they did was probably the best way out we could have. I'd have much preferred if they didn't make Sam a family man in the first place, but all agents being single is probably too unrealistic so he had to have a family? I don't know. So far the writers haven't exactly done anything to G that would make me absolutely hate them, and I *love* Romania and Comescus bits, still I wish they haven't restrained/paralyzed themselves by hinting . I just generally like to keep any possibilities open to explore, rather than having the characters and good story lines messed up beyond repair.
I was back on LJ for the first time after forever, browsing my LA tag and read the post, and it's a... nice? surprise to me that I haven't changed - no it's not surprising that I haven't changed, it's that I still want what I wrote down here over half a year ago. But it also depresses me more given the poor state of the show right now (even though I'm still refusing to watch current season I know what's going on and what the problems are).
BUT I LOVE THIS SHOW. I love it so much, maybe too much and take everything too seriously, I think it's because LA is still the only tv show on air and my non existent part of fucked up fandom I follow after all this time. It's the only thing I really fell in love since forever and still in love. So um, I really wanted to post it, want to start talking about it again, if only for and to myself.
The post is still incomplete because 1) some part I can't figure out what I was trying to say, 2) so I took that ????? part away, 3) also even if I know what I wanted to say I can't remember how to write in English after not writing/talking or even reading for so long. But 98% of it is still unedited, there's things I want to add but I also want to have it as it was back then. Any new information/S5 bits are of course not added (because I so want to write about those too, but not today) so it's spoiler free too. It's illogical and doesn't conclude BUT I REALLY WANT TO POST IT OKAY.
[TL;DR]
NCIS LA: The Things I Don't Want for The Season Finale, or, Ever.
I wanted to post this before 4.17 aired but couldn't. I said I'm not going to watch it anytime soon and this is why, I've got some things I think I need to address before going any further with this show. They are 1) my issue (not the show's?) with Sam/G situation with Michelle (Quinn), 2) things I have to say about 4.13, 3) things I don't want for the season finale (or ever). Today I'm going to take care of 3).
I also have to confess I'm only up to 4.14, and I didn't actually watch the ep even. I skipped the most part to cap and made a Sam/G gif I posted previously, and that's kind of worrying, because I never do that even when watching the most boring TV shows/films - if I decide to check something out I stick with it until the end and never skip. I know the reason why, it's 4.13. That ep got me stuck, also makes me wonder if I'm doing this season and fandom wrong. Same old me, I don't know why I do this to myself - being killjoy, thinking and taking things way too seriously.
Anyway, the list of things.
- I don't want G to get (back)/find out/know his first name.
- I don't want Amy Callen/Hanna Lawson to turn up alive.
- I don't want G's father to turn up alive.
- Basically I don't want any of G's family member to turn up alive, and G to get them 'back' at all.
- And oh, I don't want anyone getting killed. Ever.
I don't think that's everything, but at least those cover the essential part.
Also, believe it or not, I don't need G or Sam centric eps to get me excited for the show; I love them - it's kind of apparent, right? - but I simply love the whole show and cast and every character. (Maybe on various degree of affection, but I do love them all - if I don't I wouldn't bother to watch, I'm not the kind of fan who follows the TV show for only one character or pairing they like.) What matters to me is the ep/show is good or not - I'm not even talking about 'good' in general terms; good in NCIS standard and I'll be a happy camper. I can take filler episodes, or dull or silly, or boring ones even, if we get some good ones once in a while. 24-ish episodes for a regular season is a lot of numbers, and making/doing it all spectacular! is impossible also probably too much, and this show is not that kind of show either. But with the half of the season over, I haven't got any episode I can say that really got me. There are balanced out, fun, lukewarm-ish good (not actually) episodes, but not a single one that drives me NUTS.
(What I also love about LA is they can do serious/intense pretty well and don't hold back. And they started screwing even that up... :()
Um, where was I? Oh so, about the list. Thinking about it, for some reason, this highly acclaimed manga Antique Bakery suddenly came to my mind (I think English wikipedia doesn't do justice to it but it's not bad either). It was over a decade ago when I read it, but I really liked how it ends and still remember it. And I think that's what I want with LA. (Will spoil the whole series under here so don't read if you want to check it out, I'm pretty sure it's available in many countries and languages.)
[Spoiler (click to open)]It's an ensemble character story of four men and the people around them, but the main protagonist is a super rich, arrogant and charismatic and pure genius who can beat everyone on every field thirty-something guy A, who'd been kidnapped for about a month (? or so) when he was twelve or something, and remembers nothing about during the days he was missing except that the kidnapper fed him the cakes, only cakes. Although he lives a perfect life everyone wants on surface, his life is haunted by the kidnap and the fact he can't remember anything. After the countless heartbreaks and failed relationships (and still A+++++ in school and business), he opens the cake shop with the super star pâtissier B who's gay and whom A rejected in high school, the young ex-champion boxer boy C who's the injury forced him to give up the boxing (also orphan), and the guy D who's the son of the housekeeper of A's family and has lived together with A since their childhood, and moves in with A when A moves to new place upon starting this new 'business,' because he's the only one knows A's broken and the only one A lets to see it, even though A doesn't quite admit it. (And what makes it so funny is A is Mr. Perfect, and D can do *nothing* right even boiling the water, and still everybody loves D, and he's still the only one who A allows to see real him and take take of him.)
In the end of the series, they catch the kidnapper who's been kidnapping boys and feeding them the cakes before killing them - kidnapper isn't the one who abducted A, not exactly a copycat either, just doing the things similar way coincidentally. But it does seem to help A come to the terms and get over it. D moves out of their flat, telling A that he doesn't need D anymore, he'll be alright without him, and they all start their lives new way.
Only it turns out it isn't quite alright, and the next morning A wakes up having nightmare and screaming, just like he's been doing for last twenty years. For a moment he's upset and like 'WTF! Nothing has changed! It still ISN'T okay!' But then he catches himself, stands up and walks to the window, opens it and looks around, and it's a sunny, perfect day - then he smiles a genuine smile we never saw before and just says 'Oh, well.' And starts the day as always.
And that's it. Maybe something's changed, or nothing at all. Maybe he'll find out what really happened, but probably never will. Still life goes on, they just keep going on and continue to live.
And that is the kind of life I want G to have, the one I want him to -- how should I say it, accept? Choose?
Maybe there's never going to be a conclusion, no answer and no name and no family by blood. And even if (should I say 'when'?) he finally gets his first name, I hope he take G as his name by choice over his 'real' name. He's G Callen, always has been, and always will. What defines him is himself and what has made him who he is is him. Not having first name and any family is a biggest, daunting part of it and he or anybody can't change what he had to go through and it hurts, won't stop hurting ever, but he's still here and never stops fighting, surviving. He's been doing all of it but I want him to actually -- I don't know, acknowledge it? It's okay to be hurt and you don't have to get used to pains to make it easy?
And when he gets there, I want Sam standing by next to him. And Hetty. And Kensi and Deeks and Eric and Nell and Nate and the whole team. And it would be hard for him to actually call them his family or home, but they are the people he cares about and do anything for and they do the same for him and that's what all matters.
But I know it's all wishful thinking. There's only so many subtle/nuanced things can be done on the TV, and nobody can really control or predict things on ongoing TV shows, even the creators. It's not like the film they can think thoroughly before deciding what to do, plan and 'time' everything out. And as the series progresses, the more shocking revelations, biggest explosions, giant killings and the twists for twisted twists are going to be there, because that's what TPTBs think the TV shows have to do to please the viewers and keep them interested, and probably it's true too. I don't think many people are like me, who'd prefer to be stuck with routine and not learning new information, being left in mystery. And I also know there's too many (vocal, active) people who think the show's dragged G's so-called mystery for too long.
And the reason I don't like changes other than being a boring person is when TV shows do character backstory, most of the time I ended up very much disliking it, and there's no way reversing it back once it's done. Gibbs's backstory they started to hint in S3 and then blew in finale and kept dragging since then is one of the main reasons drove me away from the show. (But I love Gibbs & G, so my opinion is pretty much invalid. It's lame to sneak that new information in to Gibbs' history at that point (S6!) and there must be tons of people who are pissed by that.)
I'm not forgetting I did say I liked what they did with Sam's family situation in this season but that's mainly because it had to be dealt with sooner rather than later, and if it had to be done what they did was probably the best way out we could have. I'd have much preferred if they didn't make Sam a family man in the first place, but all agents being single is probably too unrealistic so he had to have a family? I don't know. So far the writers haven't exactly done anything to G that would make me absolutely hate them, and I *love* Romania and Comescus bits, still I wish they haven't restrained/paralyzed themselves by hinting . I just generally like to keep any possibilities open to explore, rather than having the characters and good story lines messed up beyond repair.