more open than most of you will ever get me to be in person...

Jan 04, 2007 17:27

So last night a 19-year old girl from my church, who used to date one of my friends from high school, died in a car accident. I didn't know this girl very well because her and my friend dated after I'd graduated, but still I find myself shaken by her death. This is not for the normal reasons, however. Hearing about car accidents tends to bring up old memories of my own. Even worse is when someone dies in said accidents. I can't fully express how guilty this makes me feel. It may be ridiculous... but I feel guilty for living. I feel guilty for surviving, virtually unscathed, from a car accident that served two people with very serious injury, and very well should have a killed all three of us. I feel guilty because I get to continue on with my life, walking about as though nothing ever happened to me, when some poor 19-year girl doesn't. I feel guilty that I could walk away, and they couldn't, and she couldn't, and so many people haven't. It makes me wish I could have been at least injured, could have suffered somehow... There... that's all I can say...
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