eh... fake smile

[wall_baby]

i don't know, this holiday season has me all confused, maybe its just that everyones all happy and excited, and i just want to oppose peoples joyous feelings for unconscious spiteful reasons. but i don't feel very gleeful or w/e crap feeling i should be in, my moms feeding me this crap about being happy and friendly to people and shes been dragging me to these crap parties, when i have to force a smile and be a poster child for my moms good parenting techniques, and show how she raised a good son. but w/e i don't know... i feel wierd, and theres this emptyness thats plagues me, i've been feeling like this for a while.but i always hide all signs of emotion, i really don't know what it is, and just going off and getting wasted isn't really helping me out, but sometimes it feels like its the only thing that i can do.. just drown everything. that or the good old fashioned suppression, its worked wonders. oh and to make things better i have a stranger in the house, its family supposedly, but w/e its still a stranger to me, and apparently i have to be all happy and nice,w/e maybe its just a male period, w/e

oh btw its ANA'S BDAY! say happy bday to that cockblocker! lol HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANA! her LJ thing is Indie_Annie so just drop her a message or something =D