New Year's Resolutions

[wall2k4]

Here are my resolutions going in to 2007.  I intend on taking them all very seriously.  Sure there are a lot of them, but honestly I think I can pull them off.  I would appreciate you all helping me stay on track.  Have a Great NEW YEAR's EVE!

• Stop watching porn ...  on week days
• Finally take sword fighting lesson so that I am ready for when the world is over run by Pirates and/or Ninjas. 
• Pay for sex.  It is no different than paying for a haircut.  You can do a walk-in, someone touches your head, there are mirrors, and it can take less than ten minutes. 
• Eat Healthier.  Note I didn't say less.  Cuz fat kid has gotta eat.
• Stop gambling on bum fights. 
• Beat Super Mario Brothers in less than five minutes.  And in case you are wondering, YES, warp zones are legal.  If they weren't, they wouldn't be in the game.  So quit your bitching before you even start.
• Ask Chris G's mom out on a date.
• Make at least one visit to Dapper Dogs per week.  Even if it is just for some water.  It is single handedly the greatest establishment in Walworth County.  If you think otherwise, you are probably a facsist.
• Remove the images from that Saddam hanging video from my memory forever.
• Continue to avoid drinking any and all soft drinks.
• Clean the poop out of that cage.
• Finish or destroy any of the several dozen screenplays I have written.  Somehow I doubt the one about the robot running for president would ever get picked up anyways.  Oh, wait..  Disney might want it.  They like crap.
• Buy some new socks.  (Thanks for nothing, Santa)
• Finish watching season 1 of Supernatural on DVD, so that I can sell the damn thing to someone.
• Come up with a new snappy catch phrase so that I can put it on t-shirts, buttons, hats and such.  I like money.
• Stop fighting bums.
• Gain the balls to officially stalk Rachael Ray or Katherine Heigel.
• Win at least $4,540 on Playmania, the GSN show.
• Spit on a gypsy.
• Get arrested for something.  Now I am not looking for anything big, just maybe a disorderly conduct or failure to obey an officer.  I don't want to be one of those aging guys who doesn't have any good stories, so I want to at least have spent a night in the slammer. 
• Hang out with Bud Schwaller more so that I can achieve that last resolution.
• Get around to finally watching Apocalypse Now.
• Buy a fancy digital camcorder to make movies with.
• Make out with some girl in the men's bathroom at Pumpers.
• Win the Nobel Prize in Economics or Physics.  I think I have a chance for Economics if I can finally market that damn Pornata that I have been talking about for years.  Hell, if I could get Bush booted from office I bet they'd award me the Peace Prize too. 
• Go back to Valders for a visit and turn that town upside down when I bring my crew of hooligans with me.  I will only bring minorities though, because that shit will upset the hicks back home.  Although they might be a little confused at first because they have never had to do any more than just harass the one black family in town.
• Kick my horrible cough syrup habit.
• Watch LOST without reading spoilers.  Never mind, that'll never happen.
• Figure out a way to work on the couch from home.
• Discover how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
• Let Eliza Dushku out of the cage in the basement.  I honestly no longer have a use for her.
• Catch every episode of Scrubs.
• Quit Smoking