(no subject)
Okay well right now, I'm in pretty low spirits. Though all the "problems" that made me upset today were supposedly fixed, I'm still upset. Normally I can get over things really easily. Today, I just don't know what got over me. I think that I'm finally beginning to explode. Things aren't always the way they seem when you see me. Okay, I've been through a lot and it really hasn't ever overwhelmed me. It's just that once in a while, I have some huge breakdown. I know that I can't keep everything to myself but I always do. It just seems that telling people my problems are a huge inconvenience to them. Sometimes I'm just too considerate. Sometimes I just let everyone walk all over me. I want to be my own person but i am a follower. I realize all the problems with in myself and I seem to never want to fix them. Why doesn't anyone ever take me seriously?. I just want it to get into everyone's mind that I too, can be serious. There's just so much in me that's yelling to be heard. Not many people seem to want to listen. I just want everyone to know: I'm not always happy. Yeah I know, I'm always so happy-go-lucky. There's just so much more of me beyond that. I'm loud, okay? Do you ever want to go really into that? I have this family....and they just don't seem to want to hear me out. The only way that ever works is to be louder. I really want my mom realize how her actions affect her children's lives. I want to be heard. I want people to see me. I'm an attention wanter. I hate that my mom thinks that everything I do, is just to go against her, or be "rebellious". I know, life isn't fair. I'm dealing with my life you know? I hate having low self-esteem. I hated being tormented because of the way I look. I want to feel good about myself. I want to be happy. I want to be understood. I cry and I laugh. I have more than just one side. I want everyone to know that.