this is my prize-winning photo of a black hole, taken with the lens cap on.

[walkingshadow]

in which i ramble on and on and ON about stargate: atlantis, conveniently cut-tagged and labeled for your skimming and skipping pleasure!

Comments

[charlidos]

What a fantastic write-up and description of everything SGA! I've read and enjoyed every word. Your "portrait" of John, in particular, rings very true and it makes me want to crack him open, even more. Because me, I do believe there are secrets to be found there. He's probably been like this for while, yes, but I don't believe he has been forever. Then again, people who hide like that too long tend to lose themselves.

I thought the last episode Conversion even more accentuated how controlled John is. Not even turning into a bug made him lose (much) control or open up. He didn't even show any real distress. Just a very deep-seated sadness that made my heart break. He's just so alone.

I could comment on so much, but I'll spare you. Me being a complete stranger and all.

[walkingshadow]

thank you! and dude, please feel free to comment on anything at all.

oh god, i love john sheppard *so much* and there is so much going on inside his little head that he would like us never, ever to even get close to approaching. i just watched "conversion" and wow. WOW. it reminded me of "home", a situation where you expect to finally see something of him revealed, and instead he goes into lock-down mode and he's a thousand times more tightly controlled than ever.

He's probably been like this for while, yes, but I don't believe he has been forever. Then again, people who hide like that too long tend to lose themselves.hmm, probably not forever. but i don't think there was some catastrophic event in early childhood that convinced him to never share his heart with anyone. necessarily. that's such a good point about people like that losing themselves; i think that's what makes me skeptical of stories where rodney pokes a little and pokes a little, and then boom! floodgates open, john can share again, he's a real boy. not only *wouldn't

[charlidos]

No, there's no catastrophical event, I don't think so either. I think he's learned - most likely from his family (one common fanfic "explanation" is of course the stern military father, demanding strict control of feelings from his son) and the military - to be in control. He probably thinks it's his duty - particularly in Atlantis - to keep himself under wraps. That he as a leader shouldn't let anything distract him from his duties. At least, I think that contributes to the way he acts.

But still, he's human, he has feelings. The question is, can he bring them out? And when? I'm a rather big fan of the h/c-scenario, myself, where John - maybe drugged, in serious pain - just HAS to be vulnerable. And it's not about letting things hidden deep down out, it's just about being able to be weak and unguarded. I think that scenario IS possible. I just read this story which I think is a great example of how that could work. Rodney would just have to know to take advantage of the situation. :)

[walkingshadow]

He probably thinks it's his duty - particularly in Atlantis - to keep himself under wraps. That he as a leader shouldn't let anything distract him from his duties. At least, I think that contributes to the way he acts.

i think you put your finger on it there, with the military (and possibly a military father demonstrating and demanding closed-off emotions) and john's interpretation of what it means to be in the military, in command of troops (and now civilians), all contributing—exaggerating what i think was always a private personality. all that, *plus* whatever relationships went wrong, and whatever went down with his parents, and all the friends who died, created the uber-controlled john sheppard we see today. in my head it's always about nature + nurture.

i am a huge sucker for h/c fic. also for any fic that forces john outside of his control, e.g. under the influence of drugs/alien tech/telepathy. this story made me a little nervous though: i get sympathetically uncomfortable when we creep up on the line between making john

[charlidos]

john's so clear in warning people off that anyone who seizes an opportunity to open him up a little when they know they wouldn't ever be allowed to otherwise is running the risk of violating a whole lot of trust.

Yes, absolutely. Rodney would very much be taking advantage in such a situation and it could indeed be a very fatal choice and end up pushing him away forever. But I also think that it may be the only way in. John doesn't seem like he'd let him in voluntarily and Rodney can be clumsy enough and oblivious to social niceties in a way that could leave John open for attack. Rodney probably wouldn't do it on purpose, though. Because like you say, I'm not sure he'd notice... And John probably WOULD be horribly ashamed and humiliated - but I think he'd get over it.

This is one reason why I love Oblivious by shalott so much. Because it's a scenario that I can actually believe, even though it's wild.

Could be I've been completely brain washed by fanon, though...