(no subject)

[walking_in_time]

these question i poder over and over agian and yet i never figure out what they mean. what am i suppose to guess that you love her yet you say im the only one for you. you hjave my heart in the palm of your hands i swear your crushing it. why cant you tell me the fucking truth that you want her know i will understand dont i always.. is there something im missing she says yall are together and you say your not im so confused. i lost my breathe when i heard what happened that night at the train depot but i want tell you. i lost my heart to you almost 6 months ago. but do you care? i dont know. im sick of racting my brain for the answers for these questions because you hold me in the palm of your hand. people tell me im stupid for holding on for so long. people tell me that i should move on do i no. i cant. i just want to be able to hold you in my arms and say im sorry that i hurt you and that im sorry that you are being towrn between me and her. but tell when i should let go. for i think that day is coming soon. you told me once that i filled your heart and no one else. you said you didnt want anyone else in there. but shes beating my love. you said she was an easy fuck. yea i laughed cuz i agree but know i look at you and you dont seem to smile. i know you havent writen anything about her yet i dont think. but you probably have i guess im scared to loss you. i dont know why im writing this when i should tell you to your face. i guess im scared cuz we get so hooked into each others eyes and i fill whole. am i suppose to fill this way? am i suppose to fill so completly loved that i would kill for it. i dont know what to think any more. i so fucking confused and pissed off that she dangles you in my face. she told me you would wait for her. you told me the samething i guess you want her. i dont know anymore. im sick of racking my brain for answers im never goin to get with out you. you told me that we need to talk about our future. did you say that to her i dont know. i wish i could go somewhere alone with you so i can just tell you everything i worry about, like im scared im goin to loss you to her. but shes a whore who takes it in the ass. so ive heard. i dont know what to say anymore ive lost my thought. everyday for the past month or less ive been listening to emo. i swear i feel like a fucking emo child agian. you gave me happiness and told me you loved me so much. the night i told you i needed a break i cryed my fucking eyes out i told my friends that it was because i dont like hurting people but really i didnt want to loss you. it seems im not making any since. ive got that i love you song that you sent me stuck in my head. you know the one with the cat singing. yea i read all old emails last night and cryed for a long while. my dad asked me if i was ok but i wasnt. well im sick of podering and racking my brain for the answers of these questions so i guess im done.

yea that is how i feel right know. i dont know if i should send it to him im scared of what he will say. i dont know why i wrote it in here i guess i needed to get it out of my head. im telling that its like im being a childish person but hey im scared and dont know what to do anymore. well im through wasting your time im out.

casey