Brigit's Flame Week 3 - Storyteller
o/` "In the evening when the sun is down
In the last hour of day
I'll entertain the ones wishful to hear
These medieval tales
And then in their sleep, they'll remember days
When lived the kings
in their heroic times." o/`
-- "The Storyteller" performed by Fairyland ( Read more... )
In the last hour of day
I'll entertain the ones wishful to hear
These medieval tales
And then in their sleep, they'll remember days
When lived the kings
in their heroic times." o/`
-- "The Storyteller" performed by Fairyland ( Read more... )
I love this story!!
I'm not very good at providing content criticism, however, only have positive feedback to give, that mostly relates to how colorful and exotic you make this story.
I always like how you begin your pieces with a song that fits the topic you are writing on. It is an instant hook, that makes me want to keep reading.
she pranced and capered while laughing in sheer feminine delight
over the marvelous feeling of Egyptian cotton and Oriental silk. The small gold coins in the hem tinkled melodically with each movement and the gem outlined
flowers caught the dusty afternoon sunlight.
I love this description, both of her outfit, but also Lauren's demeanor! It gives the piece color, and a playfully cheerful feel, which is kept up excellently throughout the story.
I really like how you work introducing and describing Alison into this story. In the doorway to the common room stood a compact woman wearing a black and red abaya. Only her eyes, warm
and the color of good golden sherry in a smooth coffee-and-cream complexion with delicately arched black eyebrows, showed above the veil. She sounds gorgeous, and so wonderfully exotic- I think I'm in love with her myself! *grins*
She sounds like my friend Laila, who came from Afghanistan. Laila has long dark hair, the exact complexion described here, and the most wonderful way of speaking.
“The camels are fat and the pastures are green. What more can one ask in life?
I love how this line speaks of focussing on the simple and enjoyable things, which is something I wish I could focus on more.
Oh, how you tease by ending this piece like this! ;-) I hope there will be more!
The way you ended it is perfect, letting the reader know that there is a story, but making them wait for what may or may not come later.
Beautiful, sensual, and very well written as all your pieces are!
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This is part of an ongoing project. A friend and I got to talking about what would happen if Lawrence of Arabia had been reincarnated as a female and Ali as same and whether or not they'd have a chance to make the relationship right this time. This story resulted.
It also weaves in my own experiences with Model League of Arab States and with the summits afterward, to which I was invited for my work in the Model League.
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