Brigit's Flame Week 1 - Starting Over
o/` "I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter" o/`
-- "I Don't Know You Anymore" performed by Savage Garden
My husband and I have known one another for nearly fifteen years. You would think then, starting a new relationship, that I would have some game plan or blueprint of how things are supposed to go. Actually, it's more like starting over and naturally I went about it all wrong.
The circumstances under which Dee and I came together were never ideal. He'd been injured and had refused standard medical treatment; the damage and subsequent illness were far beyond our mutual friend's abilities and so she called me. My healing abilities include an extensive array of alternative methods as well as traditional herbal remedies and plain old medical common sense. As a healer, I cannot ignore such a call when it is given; I have to help.
I did not particularly care for the patient in question; I'd met him once before and the encounter proved so explosive that I vowed never to see him or speak to him again. Diagenou Marouche was simply not the type of person in whom I would ever be interested. He was, I thought at the time, more like the type of person who would use me, hurt me badly, and throw me away when he got tired of me.
I fell in love with him anyway.
Prior relationships are of no help here. The rules simply don't apply. Dee and I stepped on one another's toes, resulting in incredible verbal fencing matches and monumental hurt feelings, many times. Friends who could evidently see the future better than either of us mediated. Often mediation consisted of sitting us both down in the same room where we would scream obscenities at one another until the insults got so silly, so unbelievably childish, that Dee and I would start laughing.
His highly offended "Well, excuse the piss out of me!" said in that proper, cultured accent brought out a smile and broke the tension. He extended a hand, smiling, and I was lost.
Of course, we then committed one of the worst sins in the manual on new relationships; we skipped the preliminaries and tumbled into the sack without further thought. The experience, the intimacy turned out to be absolutely mind blowing; in short order he knew my body intimately --- what it could handle, what turned me on, what wasn't possible, what would frighten me and destroy the moment...but he still didn't know why because we hadn't really talked. Dee knew a lot about me through our mutual friends but he didn't know about any of it in context.
Later, of course, we would talk. I learned about his childhood, preferences, likes, and dislikes. He learned about my past and how to avoid some of the triggers which could potentially cause misunderstandings. We would sit for hours, hands entwined as we cuddled beneath the blankets, as we exchanged confidences. Some of those things took us to dark places, but we emerged on the other side shining and renewed. It's the little things which matter: he hadn't known that I was allergic to sage and raw shellfish; I didn't know why leeks and lentils repelled him to the point of active nausea. The egomaniacal personality he put forth to the world disappeared around me; it wasn't even his normal mode of operation. Dee learned that my silence did not equate with agreement; it meant he'd touched a raw spot and I'd withdrawn with hurt feelings.
These were all things my husband of nearly fifteen years knew, had memorized like a favorite song. Dee didn't have that advantage and it was one I needed badly to give him if we were going to make it as a couple.
When you begin a new relationship, you are starting over. It's so very important to remember that your lover doesn't know you and to take the time to know the small things that make the relationship blossom and thrive.
I can guarantee Dee and I will lock horns again; we're still learning one another. However, I'll never again assume that he just knows something...or ought to know.
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter" o/`
-- "I Don't Know You Anymore" performed by Savage Garden
My husband and I have known one another for nearly fifteen years. You would think then, starting a new relationship, that I would have some game plan or blueprint of how things are supposed to go. Actually, it's more like starting over and naturally I went about it all wrong.
The circumstances under which Dee and I came together were never ideal. He'd been injured and had refused standard medical treatment; the damage and subsequent illness were far beyond our mutual friend's abilities and so she called me. My healing abilities include an extensive array of alternative methods as well as traditional herbal remedies and plain old medical common sense. As a healer, I cannot ignore such a call when it is given; I have to help.
I did not particularly care for the patient in question; I'd met him once before and the encounter proved so explosive that I vowed never to see him or speak to him again. Diagenou Marouche was simply not the type of person in whom I would ever be interested. He was, I thought at the time, more like the type of person who would use me, hurt me badly, and throw me away when he got tired of me.
I fell in love with him anyway.
Prior relationships are of no help here. The rules simply don't apply. Dee and I stepped on one another's toes, resulting in incredible verbal fencing matches and monumental hurt feelings, many times. Friends who could evidently see the future better than either of us mediated. Often mediation consisted of sitting us both down in the same room where we would scream obscenities at one another until the insults got so silly, so unbelievably childish, that Dee and I would start laughing.
His highly offended "Well, excuse the piss out of me!" said in that proper, cultured accent brought out a smile and broke the tension. He extended a hand, smiling, and I was lost.
Of course, we then committed one of the worst sins in the manual on new relationships; we skipped the preliminaries and tumbled into the sack without further thought. The experience, the intimacy turned out to be absolutely mind blowing; in short order he knew my body intimately --- what it could handle, what turned me on, what wasn't possible, what would frighten me and destroy the moment...but he still didn't know why because we hadn't really talked. Dee knew a lot about me through our mutual friends but he didn't know about any of it in context.
Later, of course, we would talk. I learned about his childhood, preferences, likes, and dislikes. He learned about my past and how to avoid some of the triggers which could potentially cause misunderstandings. We would sit for hours, hands entwined as we cuddled beneath the blankets, as we exchanged confidences. Some of those things took us to dark places, but we emerged on the other side shining and renewed. It's the little things which matter: he hadn't known that I was allergic to sage and raw shellfish; I didn't know why leeks and lentils repelled him to the point of active nausea. The egomaniacal personality he put forth to the world disappeared around me; it wasn't even his normal mode of operation. Dee learned that my silence did not equate with agreement; it meant he'd touched a raw spot and I'd withdrawn with hurt feelings.
These were all things my husband of nearly fifteen years knew, had memorized like a favorite song. Dee didn't have that advantage and it was one I needed badly to give him if we were going to make it as a couple.
When you begin a new relationship, you are starting over. It's so very important to remember that your lover doesn't know you and to take the time to know the small things that make the relationship blossom and thrive.
I can guarantee Dee and I will lock horns again; we're still learning one another. However, I'll never again assume that he just knows something...or ought to know.