You Get What You Give.
Imagine the world at it's very most humble beginning. Not even one materialistic item is even in existance. During this time, when humanity was still in it's infancy, the only purpose in life became trying to stay alive for as long as it was possible.
Now depending on what you believe.. Man than Woman.. Primates that have yet to evolve.. or even that a collision of stars in the nights sky produced human life, we all are now forced to live on this earth together searching for the easiest way to continue until we are eliminated.
I would have liked to have been present for the creation of life. It's the only point in history that not one soul believed that money could buy happiness. Forgien oil didn't have the compacity to regulate the mentality of a whole fucking nation. Without these precious nessicities of mondern day living.. the only thing mankind had to offer was allowing human emotion to express the need for the basic insticts that are nessecary for the bodies survival.
If man and woman were the very first species to exist.. the only way to continue the production of other human beings would have depended on their ability to communicate interest in one another. With no items of value to exchange.. at least one of them had to demonstrate the desires of intamacy without the luxary of buying a gift to try and impress the opposite sex; which in the world we live in today is usually this first thing men and women do to prove their dedication to the other. Somehow the simplicity of affection towards one another had to have been estiblished to continue the gift of human life. The survival of modern civilization at one point did depend on how well we are able to express simple emotions.
So that's just it. I have spent a countless number of hours consumed in the notion that I am probably the only person in my life that gave a damn if I was satisfyed and then in turn resenting everyone who surrounded me for being so selfish and not catering to the needs that I despretely wanted fulfilled. It's taken me all 18 years of my life to realize that I have been going about seeking attention in completely the wrong way.
Over the course of the past several months I have been blessed with a gift that I believe that I could not possibly find a way to show just how truely thankful for. The day I offered love, compassion, reassurance ,support,companionship and understanding without assuming that I desearved these needs to be met because people should just automatically feel towards me, was ther very same day I learned a valuable lesson. The truth that I had been hunting was very simple... If I offer love to every single person in my life that I felt this particular way about.. and if I took a chance that I would not receive love in return.. than ironically I received love. The more I made it apparent that I had cared..again without assuming people should care for me.. the more I started to feel cared about. When I allowed myself to take a risk... allowing myself to hand out the things that I had been craving most without believeing that I would instently be returned the favor.. the more satisfying even my worst days began to feel. I forgot that I had ever believed it was better to not care about a fucking thing in life, than to love praying that I wasn't loveing in vain..and also finding out not one fucking thing cared about me.
I have been fortunate. I have one person.. and one person only that I trust so much with even my most vunerable moments. I should try even harder to let him know that even being in the same room as him makes the quality of life triple.. but I would sound silly saying things like "Thank you for allowing me to be next to you when I wake up and the very first thing I can do is kiss you.. knowing that you have stink breath and scum on your teeth." Even morning breath has become something that I can celebrate. Who..quite honestly.. could have seen that one coming.
But.. I am proud to say that I am so thankful for even the body soil that he produces.. because he loves me in the very same strange way and I never had to give him a reason to...he does it because this is how he genuinly feels. I am convinced now that compassion for another is a very powerful thing...I know it is because there is absoulutly no reason for me to have faith in him. This incredible sense of comfort that has forced me to become more nurturing just all of a sudden happened..and I have continued to feel this way instinctively..or to be quite honest.. naturally.
Now depending on what you believe.. Man than Woman.. Primates that have yet to evolve.. or even that a collision of stars in the nights sky produced human life, we all are now forced to live on this earth together searching for the easiest way to continue until we are eliminated.
I would have liked to have been present for the creation of life. It's the only point in history that not one soul believed that money could buy happiness. Forgien oil didn't have the compacity to regulate the mentality of a whole fucking nation. Without these precious nessicities of mondern day living.. the only thing mankind had to offer was allowing human emotion to express the need for the basic insticts that are nessecary for the bodies survival.
If man and woman were the very first species to exist.. the only way to continue the production of other human beings would have depended on their ability to communicate interest in one another. With no items of value to exchange.. at least one of them had to demonstrate the desires of intamacy without the luxary of buying a gift to try and impress the opposite sex; which in the world we live in today is usually this first thing men and women do to prove their dedication to the other. Somehow the simplicity of affection towards one another had to have been estiblished to continue the gift of human life. The survival of modern civilization at one point did depend on how well we are able to express simple emotions.
So that's just it. I have spent a countless number of hours consumed in the notion that I am probably the only person in my life that gave a damn if I was satisfyed and then in turn resenting everyone who surrounded me for being so selfish and not catering to the needs that I despretely wanted fulfilled. It's taken me all 18 years of my life to realize that I have been going about seeking attention in completely the wrong way.
Over the course of the past several months I have been blessed with a gift that I believe that I could not possibly find a way to show just how truely thankful for. The day I offered love, compassion, reassurance ,support,companionship and understanding without assuming that I desearved these needs to be met because people should just automatically feel towards me, was ther very same day I learned a valuable lesson. The truth that I had been hunting was very simple... If I offer love to every single person in my life that I felt this particular way about.. and if I took a chance that I would not receive love in return.. than ironically I received love. The more I made it apparent that I had cared..again without assuming people should care for me.. the more I started to feel cared about. When I allowed myself to take a risk... allowing myself to hand out the things that I had been craving most without believeing that I would instently be returned the favor.. the more satisfying even my worst days began to feel. I forgot that I had ever believed it was better to not care about a fucking thing in life, than to love praying that I wasn't loveing in vain..and also finding out not one fucking thing cared about me.
I have been fortunate. I have one person.. and one person only that I trust so much with even my most vunerable moments. I should try even harder to let him know that even being in the same room as him makes the quality of life triple.. but I would sound silly saying things like "Thank you for allowing me to be next to you when I wake up and the very first thing I can do is kiss you.. knowing that you have stink breath and scum on your teeth." Even morning breath has become something that I can celebrate. Who..quite honestly.. could have seen that one coming.
But.. I am proud to say that I am so thankful for even the body soil that he produces.. because he loves me in the very same strange way and I never had to give him a reason to...he does it because this is how he genuinly feels. I am convinced now that compassion for another is a very powerful thing...I know it is because there is absoulutly no reason for me to have faith in him. This incredible sense of comfort that has forced me to become more nurturing just all of a sudden happened..and I have continued to feel this way instinctively..or to be quite honest.. naturally.