an update!
Just a quickie before I go to bed, I guess.
School is absolutely brutal. I am constantly stressed and while I'm studying music and it's far better than if I were studying anything else, it's the pressure of playing and singing in front of people, and it's the anxiety that I'm not really learning anything concrete or substantial. It hasn't even been a month yet and I'm ready to quit.
The boy and I fell out, mainly because of me--when you meet a person, you try to make your best impression. He made a good impression on me, but as the rest of him started leaking through the cracks, it just became...well, I'm almost twenty now and I'm generally looking for someone I can relate to and lean on and support in return; I am not looking for someone to babysit. If that were the case, I would actually go out and get paid for it.
(And just as a side note, sex is...well, for me, anyway, sex is not worth it unless you really like the person. For several reasons, I guess, but mostly because of the paranoia during the time before your period is supposed to come despite the fact that you guys did practice safe sex. But at the same time, it's kind of nice to have that under my belt. He was an alright guy to have my first time with.)
And on top of school, it doesn't help that I have fifteen hours of work a week--and only during the weeknights, since the place where I work is closed on weekends and Mondays. I work every single day it's open.
I just. Am stressed.
I can't write anymore because of exhaustion and my inability to feel any emotion, winter is coming again and even though I prefer this weather over spring and summer, I do get seasonal depression, so I'm much moodier and easier to bring down around this time of year.
One good thing though, I think, is that in the past few months, I've grown a lot closer to my friends. I don't have many, but without a doubt I know now that they'll be there for the rest of my life. I was never sure if that would happen before, but after two years of university and not having any classes together and still being friends and seeing each other regularly despite that, I think I can count on it. I still don't think the term "best friend" is for me since I'm such a solitary person sometimes, but "lifelong friend"--yeah, maybe. It's a nice thought.
The most recent boy I met off of the dating site is absolutely wonderful and endearing and shy and intelligent, but I'm not getting my hopes up anymore. I don't even have the energy to. But fingers crossed? As if I even have time for a boyfriend, hah.
School is absolutely brutal. I am constantly stressed and while I'm studying music and it's far better than if I were studying anything else, it's the pressure of playing and singing in front of people, and it's the anxiety that I'm not really learning anything concrete or substantial. It hasn't even been a month yet and I'm ready to quit.
The boy and I fell out, mainly because of me--when you meet a person, you try to make your best impression. He made a good impression on me, but as the rest of him started leaking through the cracks, it just became...well, I'm almost twenty now and I'm generally looking for someone I can relate to and lean on and support in return; I am not looking for someone to babysit. If that were the case, I would actually go out and get paid for it.
(And just as a side note, sex is...well, for me, anyway, sex is not worth it unless you really like the person. For several reasons, I guess, but mostly because of the paranoia during the time before your period is supposed to come despite the fact that you guys did practice safe sex. But at the same time, it's kind of nice to have that under my belt. He was an alright guy to have my first time with.)
And on top of school, it doesn't help that I have fifteen hours of work a week--and only during the weeknights, since the place where I work is closed on weekends and Mondays. I work every single day it's open.
I just. Am stressed.
I can't write anymore because of exhaustion and my inability to feel any emotion, winter is coming again and even though I prefer this weather over spring and summer, I do get seasonal depression, so I'm much moodier and easier to bring down around this time of year.
One good thing though, I think, is that in the past few months, I've grown a lot closer to my friends. I don't have many, but without a doubt I know now that they'll be there for the rest of my life. I was never sure if that would happen before, but after two years of university and not having any classes together and still being friends and seeing each other regularly despite that, I think I can count on it. I still don't think the term "best friend" is for me since I'm such a solitary person sometimes, but "lifelong friend"--yeah, maybe. It's a nice thought.
The most recent boy I met off of the dating site is absolutely wonderful and endearing and shy and intelligent, but I'm not getting my hopes up anymore. I don't even have the energy to. But fingers crossed? As if I even have time for a boyfriend, hah.