Reflections at dawn (Part I)
Dear so and so,
As the sun comes over the mountains and I sit awake on the soft orange couch my grandparents gave me, I reflect on the day and night that just passed and the day that and my future that is to come. In these moments before sleep as the sky starts to lighten and my eyes are feeling heavy and dry, my mind can't help but be at peace. Maybe it is the promise of a new day that I can already see and hear coming. The birds outside chirping. The sprinklers going off as if the morning dew hasnt done it's job. The apartment doors closing, the footsteps, and the car engines starting as my neighbors are beginning their day. Heading off to work so they can afford to live in these modestly priced apartments in a better part of this town which sadly still doesnt have a pool.
I wonder to myself why the average person finds contentment in this. Or if they even do at all. Do they just feel like they have to? Keep working, keep buying, keep "living". This is what I've been thinking about a lot lately. Do I really want to live? And I don't mean this in a suicidal sort of way. I mean do I want to be the mold of a consumer american? Is this really living to some people? Because it's not to me. I want to really live. These past 3 years, I have literally been wasting my life. I work from 4 pm to 12:30 am, Mon through Fri.
While lots of my friends have been really working to get where they need to go. I've been getting by. I make more money than them, but my life is really just a sham. I wake up late, usually around 2 oclock - unless people keep calling me and bugging me, or I have something extremely pending to take care of, in which case I usually try to skip anyways since I'm a terrible procrastinator - and get ready for work, leave by 3 to make it to work at 4. Then I get off around 12:30, go home or to a friends house and do virtually nothing until I go to bed, then wake up and do it all over again. This is a waste. While I am at work, holding down a steady job, being a good citizen, I am not happy. I should be home or with my friends in the evening hours of the week, working on my music which is what I want to do with my life. Not working a fucking clerical job for an evil corporation.
July 1st, the lease on my apt is up and I am quitting my job and I am out. I don't even have a plan. And I gotta tell you, that feels good. I'm 23 years old and I always have a plan. But this time... Fuck it. I'm gonna not play it safe this time. I'm old enough to know better but I'm still too young to care. I need this. I need to live some life before I can't anymore. I need to start working harder to achieve my goals which my job has been slowly sucking away from me. Well not anymore. My life is my own. Not americas. Not USF Reddaways. Not money.
I need sleep and cannot concentrate so I'm going to finish tomorrow.
Goodnight my Love
As the sun comes over the mountains and I sit awake on the soft orange couch my grandparents gave me, I reflect on the day and night that just passed and the day that and my future that is to come. In these moments before sleep as the sky starts to lighten and my eyes are feeling heavy and dry, my mind can't help but be at peace. Maybe it is the promise of a new day that I can already see and hear coming. The birds outside chirping. The sprinklers going off as if the morning dew hasnt done it's job. The apartment doors closing, the footsteps, and the car engines starting as my neighbors are beginning their day. Heading off to work so they can afford to live in these modestly priced apartments in a better part of this town which sadly still doesnt have a pool.
I wonder to myself why the average person finds contentment in this. Or if they even do at all. Do they just feel like they have to? Keep working, keep buying, keep "living". This is what I've been thinking about a lot lately. Do I really want to live? And I don't mean this in a suicidal sort of way. I mean do I want to be the mold of a consumer american? Is this really living to some people? Because it's not to me. I want to really live. These past 3 years, I have literally been wasting my life. I work from 4 pm to 12:30 am, Mon through Fri.
While lots of my friends have been really working to get where they need to go. I've been getting by. I make more money than them, but my life is really just a sham. I wake up late, usually around 2 oclock - unless people keep calling me and bugging me, or I have something extremely pending to take care of, in which case I usually try to skip anyways since I'm a terrible procrastinator - and get ready for work, leave by 3 to make it to work at 4. Then I get off around 12:30, go home or to a friends house and do virtually nothing until I go to bed, then wake up and do it all over again. This is a waste. While I am at work, holding down a steady job, being a good citizen, I am not happy. I should be home or with my friends in the evening hours of the week, working on my music which is what I want to do with my life. Not working a fucking clerical job for an evil corporation.
July 1st, the lease on my apt is up and I am quitting my job and I am out. I don't even have a plan. And I gotta tell you, that feels good. I'm 23 years old and I always have a plan. But this time... Fuck it. I'm gonna not play it safe this time. I'm old enough to know better but I'm still too young to care. I need this. I need to live some life before I can't anymore. I need to start working harder to achieve my goals which my job has been slowly sucking away from me. Well not anymore. My life is my own. Not americas. Not USF Reddaways. Not money.
I need sleep and cannot concentrate so I'm going to finish tomorrow.
Goodnight my Love