Let's talk about Hex, baby.
Ten things I learned from Hex.
1) When gay people die they become ghosts. When straight people die they vanish. Always.
2) It's the sidekick's job to forgive the heroine when she falls in love with the evil demon who killed you. Or the evil demon who killed your girlfriend.
3) Some people will always find a way to screw up saving the world. Even when it's simply a matter of not having sex with the nearest murderous demon.
4) Speaking of which, demon cock can take away your personality. Luckily, dream-walking lesbian ghosts who know your greatest fear can bring it back.
5) Stab wounds to the chest and brutal beatings can both be made to look like suicide by, respectively, drowning and hanging.
6) Even when he has no idea what's going on, Colin Salmon is uber-badass.
7) A horny teenage boy will forgive a hot girl anything, up to and including stripping him naked, blindfolding him, and tying him to a tree as a demonic sacrifice, getting her phantom sidekick to castrate him in his dreams, shagging an evil demon in front of him while supposedly his girlfriend, and getting his drug dealer killed.
8) Speaking of which, if you're really in a sticky situation and need a truly reliable and loyal friend who will help you out no matter what, call your drug dealer.
9) What happens in 1928, stays in 1928.
10) Lesbianism is fatal. Extremely quickly.
1) When gay people die they become ghosts. When straight people die they vanish. Always.
2) It's the sidekick's job to forgive the heroine when she falls in love with the evil demon who killed you. Or the evil demon who killed your girlfriend.
3) Some people will always find a way to screw up saving the world. Even when it's simply a matter of not having sex with the nearest murderous demon.
4) Speaking of which, demon cock can take away your personality. Luckily, dream-walking lesbian ghosts who know your greatest fear can bring it back.
5) Stab wounds to the chest and brutal beatings can both be made to look like suicide by, respectively, drowning and hanging.
6) Even when he has no idea what's going on, Colin Salmon is uber-badass.
7) A horny teenage boy will forgive a hot girl anything, up to and including stripping him naked, blindfolding him, and tying him to a tree as a demonic sacrifice, getting her phantom sidekick to castrate him in his dreams, shagging an evil demon in front of him while supposedly his girlfriend, and getting his drug dealer killed.
8) Speaking of which, if you're really in a sticky situation and need a truly reliable and loyal friend who will help you out no matter what, call your drug dealer.
9) What happens in 1928, stays in 1928.
10) Lesbianism is fatal. Extremely quickly.