i got a letter this mornin', what do you reckon it said?

[wakingdown]

i've been having trouble sleeping lately.

it's this unsatisfying feeling. it's this desire for something more. i don't really care about sleep or food anymore. i just want something. i don't know what. just something.

don't look like satisfaction, and i don't care what you do.

i'm tired of being broke, nickel and dime-ing my way through each day. i'm tired of bumming cigs. i'm tired of not being able to contribute. i hate this shit.

everybody else is asleep here. jenn's keeping my bed warm. garth and krissy are sleeping peacefully after a couple of hours of intense sex.

things are 'normal' here.

goddamn. i can't stand 'normal'.

just ain't my bag, baby.

i think it'll be good to take a break. to give it some time off.

i just don't care at all anymore. i'm ashamed of my lack of motivation. shit, my daily life has turned into avoidance and procrastination.

i really can't stand this shit.

GODDAMN!

i need to get home with my friends. i need to figure out if this 'college' thing's right for me.

the thing is, i know i don't have a choice in the matter.

then again, happiness isn't money. happiness is love.

and that, i do have.

so why am i not happy?

fuck if i know.

-because the world doesn't seem to have made a place for me yet.

-or maybe i haven't made a place for the world...

fuck it. what happens happens.

if there's one thing i've learned in my years here, it's that the world works in a circle. everything evens out in the end. i've just got to count on that...

goddamn, man.

so many things to think about, so little time.

by the way, i love jenn. with all of my heart.

the end.

(not really)

(well, maybe)

(on second thought, probably not)