What Was Left Unsaid: Run (Part 2)
What Was Left Unsaid Chapter Index
Main characters and pairings featured in this chapter: Craig, Joey, Sean, Ellie, Evie, Ashley (with family), Jay. Craig/Evie. Craig/random girl that he doesn't remember so why should I? Sean/Ellie. Joey/Caitlin.
Brief summary of this chapter: After confronted about his substance abuse, Craig hits the streets and a few parties.
Craig could feel the blood crashing around in his head, making him faint. He paused and leaned up against the wall of a local business. He barely saw the people rushing by him, hurrying to make it to their jobs. They didn’t notice him either. He squeezed his eyes shut, wanting this feeling to fade and the harsh sunlight gone. What was wrong? His hands were trembling violently and he rubbed his clammy palms on his jeans before pulling open the door to the convenience store. His insides felt like they were jumping around. It wasn’t nerves, he decided. His head was too light and his mind too far away to be nervous about anything. The trembling started in his torso and seemed to vibrate out, his limbs going weak. It was almost a relief to sink down to the ground and he took a couple bags of potato chips with him.
“Hey. Hey, kid are you okay?”
“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine,” Craig mumbled, trying to focus on the brightly colored food packages in the aisles and then the source of the voice. “Jean,” her employee name card read. She was middle-aged, probably with kids of her own and probably had an eventful morning before she even got to work. “I’m sorry. Sorry.”
That was all he was saying lately; sorry.
“Are you hungry? I’ll get you something to eat.”
Craig pulled himself up off the floor on his own and followed the store clerk over to a section of the store where there was a small cluster of tables. He sank down into one and the pounding in his head lessened. “I think I forgot to eat today,” Craig mumbled in response.
Jean nodded at him and sat a hot dog down in front of him, then nachos and cheese, and a fountain soda followed. Craig hungrily shoveled the food into his mouth and swore it was the best meal he’d had in awhile. He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t eating lately. Part of it was that it was an inconvenience to some of the houses he crashed at. He’d gone to fellow students at Degrassi who he knew wouldn’t rat him out, usually because they could see themselves in that situation and wanted to help. Sometimes he got lucky and the parents didn’t care that it was a school night and he was invited to sleep over. If he was blessed he got that and arrived before dinner time and got a free meal. Otherwise it was sneaking in late at night and sleeping on the bedroom floor, rising at least an hour before the parents got up so he could sneak back out. And during the day when he roamed the streets, he didn’t dare go into many grocery stores. During school hours, he stood out like a sore thumb. After school, he was sure someone would see him. When he did go in to grab a sandwich or soup from the deli, he kept his head down at all times. He felt anxious sure but there was something else. Something hard in between his heart and stomach. Maybe it was guilt. Or regret. What was he doing?
“What’s your name?” Jean asked, after she poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down across from the teenager.
“Craig,” he replied and licked cheese off his finger. He could feel his blood sugar level evening out now, the calories and nutrients flowing into him. He wasn’t shaking so violently. She was looking at him strange. It was that look, the one people like doctors and nurses gave him. Curious and concerned, expecting answers.
“I have money,” Craig reassured and started to pull bills out of his pockets. A few slipped from his shaky hands and he retrieved them from the floor and set them on the table. He suddenly realized what he must look like, nearly passing out on the floor of a gas station midmorning of a school day.
“Is there anyone you want me to call?”
“Uh, no. I’ll be fine, really. I‘m really sorry about bothering you.”
“It’s alright. Slow day. Everyone is at work…or school.”
Craig shifted uncomfortably, she knew how young he was and where he should be. He didn’t want to answer any more questions. “Um, where’s the bathroom?”
He watched as Jean gestured to a corridor off to his right. “Thanks,” he replied and quickly ducked inside.
Craig scrubbed at his face and hands. He knew he had to look a mess from going without a shower and spending the night in a city park but he wasn’t expecting to see himself this disheveled in the mirror. He had dark circles under his eyes and he feared he might smell like the liquor from the night before. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” he mumbled to his reflection.
It was moments like this where he was aware of what he was doing. Those moments were sneaking up on him more often. There was the morning a day or two ago when Luke woke him up at what seemed like hours before the sun was up, mumbling about how his father had some big meeting with accountants or lawyers and he had to be out before Dad went down for his usual cup of coffee. Craig agreed and Luke had apologized at the door. It was just that he flunked yet another history quiz and his parents were on his case, Luke explained and then reached for the coat rack, going for the hat and gloves tucked in his winter coat as some kind of consolation. It was then that Craig realized he took things too far. What he did, it wasn’t bad grades or getting caught out after curfew. Craig knew he was in deeper than that.
“But I don’t know how to fix it,” Craig mumbled, still having a conversation with his mirror reflection.
He opened his backpack and dug through it for a clean shirt. He began to shiver without his coat on and decided to pile on as many layers as he could. He was glad the liquor kept him warm last night but now that was draining and he realized how cold and sore he was from his uncomfortable sleeping spot. He glanced at his watch and sighed. Where was he going to go for the rest of the day?
Keep moving, he guessed as he exited the bathroom. That was the best distraction and gave him the feeling like he had some direction, even if at the end of the day he ended up nowhere close to where he wanted to be. He gave a little wave to Jean, behind the store counter now. There was no way for him to avoid her.
“Thanks again,” Craig mumbled.
“Here’s your change,” she said and Craig took the money from her. He’d totally forgotten about the bills he’d thrown on the counter earlier. He glanced over the bills and saw a card tucked in between. He glanced it over; a hotline for a runaway foundation and the address of some center or shelter.
“Thanks…thanks again,” Craig mumbled and managed to give her a smile, forced and he didn’t show his teeth. He had to do something to hide what was going on. A part of him still thought she was wrong about that. This couldn’t still be happening; it was so surreal.
Once he knew that school let out, Craig shut himself into a phone booth and began the usual task of finding a place to stay at. It was the usual. “Come on. Look, I’ll sleep in your basement, bathroom.” “I won’t come by until late. You don’t have to tell your parents. They won’t have to call up Joey.” That one often lead to “I won’t let you get in trouble over this.”
He sighed after the fifth attempt. It was just his first week out here. What would the next be like? He hadn’t thought of that at the time. He pulled the card from that runaway foundation out of his pocket and dialed the number. The sequence of numbers felt foreign and the strangers voice on the line spooked him. He couldn’t get one word out and quickly hung up. He wasn’t a runaway anyway. That wasn’t for him.
He found himself dialing Joey’s work number, not sure of what to say but thought it might be nice to hear the guys voice. Something familiar.
“Jeremiah Motors. How can I help you?” Joey greeted with fake cheer. It was odd to him how life just carried on and he had to be the smiling salesmen to patrons who didn’t know that his son ran away from home.
Craig couldn’t speak. Joey sounded like he was doing fine without him.
“How can I help you?” Joey repeated.
Craig hung up before he heard Joey frantically question on the other end “Craig?”
He found himself calling Ashley’s home next. He needed to apologize, offer an explanation…hell find out what happened. It seemed like every time he tried to make something right, he just dug himself in deeper. Why did he do that? What was wrong with him where everything he touched went bad, like he was spreading some disease around. His own family was so close to him that they died. His own crazy was building up in his social circle, stressing his friends out.
“Ashley, I’m so sorry for last night. I don’t know what happened,” Craig said the moment he heard her voice.
“Craig!” Ashley proclaimed and watched as he mother got up from the couch. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how all this happened. I don’t know what to do. I don‘t have a place to crash tonight,” He heard the sound of the phone being shuffled but he said that last part anyway. It gave him some relief, in an odd way.
“How are you doing, Craig?” Kate asked.
Craig’s breath came in sharp. Bits and pieces of last night came to him. Why was she being nice to him now? She shouldn’t be nice.
Kate listened to the silence on the other end of the line. At least he didn’t hang up. So she continued, “A lot of people care about you and want you to come home. Your friends miss seeing you at school. Joey, Caitlin, and Angie love you and want you to come home.”
“I’m really sorry,” Craig apologized and his voice cracked some.
“It’s okay, Craig. Just tell me where you are at,” Kate encouraged as she stared at the number on the caller ID. Just a number, no name or location. Pay phone, she wondered to herself.
“I didn’t mean for last night to happen.”
“There’s still time to fix this. All you have to do is to go home to Joey.”
“I messed everything up.”
“Can you give Joey a call? I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.”
Craig hung up the phone. The answer was simple and he knew it. Go home. Why couldn’t he get himself to do that? He was startled by the phone jangling. He let it ring several times and then picked it up, not saying a word.
“Craig? Craig, let’s talk some more. You said you didn’t have a place to stay tonight. How about you come over here?”
It was Kate’s voice. He didn’t think, just felt touched by this moment. Even a little eager. “You mean you want me around?”
“Yes. Head on over. We’re having burgers and macaroni and cheese for dinner. It’ll be just like the times when you’d be over. And then we’ll all talk.”
The suspicion was sneaking in. She was trying to trick him. And how did she know the number to call? Craig frantically glanced around, looking for any familiar cars. “You’ll have Joey there. And he’s…” Craig cut himself off but silently finished “going to be angry at me or put me in the hospital.”
“You don’t have to think about that right now. Just think about this as steps and right now we just want you here with us, where it’s safe.”
“How did you know this number to call me? Are you tracing the call? You are all working together!” Craig accused and pulled the phone away from his ear. He couldn’t get himself to hang it up, trying several times.
“We are working together to help you. We all care about you,” he barely heard Kate’s soft voice.
Craig shook his head and hung up the phone at that. She didn’t mean that. She’s the one who wanted Ashley to break up with him. If she cared she wouldn’t have done that. It was a trick, he thought as he pulled open the phone booth door. He took off running at high speed, darting into the nearest alley.
Joey felt like he had been on an emotional rollercoaster all night. The phone kept ringing and it took force to not greet each caller with Craig’s name. It was never him. Once it was a friend, a kid he had never even met, who introduced himself and let him know that Craig called him and he was okay. Joey could only ask him to let Craig know that he wasn’t in trouble and he wanted him home. He was sure he sounded like he was pleading like someone’s life was at stake.
Kate Kerwin’s call gave him hope. She had a number he was calling from. It took a little detective work and they had the number traced to a location. So he headed out the door, barely remembering to give Angie a quick kiss goodbye, ready to patrol the streets. This was it. He knew it had to be. He could track him down this time. He wasn’t sure what Craig’s reaction would be when he saw him but he had to try to find him.
He had Caitlin’s cell, which rang when she had an update. Each time he questioned if Craig called home, fearful that he made the wrong choice to hit the streets and search; he should have remained at home and waited for that call. Craig was reaching out to them. His girlfriend then had to deliver the news that no, Craig hadn’t called. But Sean did, informing them that Craig called and he offered to let him stay at his place. But he refused. Caitlin recited exactly what Sean said, disturbed by it, “He won’t come over, it’s like he’s convinced that there’s some plot against him.” “I just want him home,” Joey replied, baffled by Craig’s paranoia.
It was hard to head home and he pulled up into the driveway heavy with defeat. He must have circled that block with the payphone thirty times and combed through the neighborhood. He stopped his car in alleys and called out Craig’s name. It was difficult to realize that if Craig was out there, he probably drove him into hiding. Joey stood out in the driveway until Snake pulled up. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t head back inside. Maybe a part of him thought that Craig would walk up any second. The kid said he had nowhere to go, Joey’s frantic brain kept repeating over and over.
“Any luck?” he questioned his buddy.
“No sight of him at the mall. The kids at the dot said that they haven’t seen him. I checked a few of the other places you said he liked to hang out at,” Simpson delivered he bad news.
Joey sighed, “He doesn’t want to be found, Snake.”
“Come on, let’s head inside. Have a beer.”
Joey reluctantly agreed, but downed half the bottle in a few gulps. He sank down into an armchair and sighed. “I feel like I’ve failed him.”
“Joey, no. You took in a troubled kid. You‘ve given him a shot when I don‘t think he had one otherwise.”
“You know that feeling you get when your kids are unhappy? I mean it still sometimes almost kills me to tell Angie that she can’t have a Barbie when we are the toy section. It’s like ten times that right now. I did everything wrong,” Joey said, his voice heavy with depression.
“Parents are human too, you know. They make mistakes.”
“Craig and I never have fought like that before. It was one of those fights that feel like they are having you and you aren’t having the fight. I had no control and Craig certainly can’t control himself. I have no idea what’s going on with that kid.”
“You have been getting him help, trying to help. That’s all you can do. There’s only so much you can do. Craig has to do the rest.”
“I don’t know if I did the right thing bringing him home. I don’t know what we are going to do when he arrives home,” Joey took a deep breath. “I’ve been trying to get the message out to him that there’s no rehab or in-patient hospitalization, hoping that will bring him home. Craig would call all that ‘being locked up.’”
“I’m sure it’s an absolutely terrifying thing to consider placing your kid in treatment,” Snake decided to say. He wasn’t Craig’s father, he was just hear to listen.
Joey sighed again, maybe for the tenth time over a few minutes. “I can’t say what will happen if the cops pick him up. They might put him in psychiatric hold for 72 hours. I have absolutely no control in this situation.”
“I’m sorry. It’s up to Craig. And like you said before the police said, kids usually return on their own. It’s up to Craig.”
Craig returned to that same convenience store around 7, hoping that Jean would still be working. He wasn’t sure why he was trusting this absolute stranger but lately his choices didn’t make much sense. The warmth of the store burned his hands and feet as they thawed. It almost hurt to move through the aisles as he glanced around for the familiar employee. He wondered if it was some sort of sign. He decided to hang out for the next half hour or so eating nachos, then popcorn. He watched people file in and always grew tense when it was a pack of teenagers. Someone was going to recognize him, he just knew it.
So he pulled his hat on, borrowed from Luke, and the hoodie over. That helped ease his anxiety a little and it lessened when he was out in the dark street. As he walked, he put his gloves on, also out on loan. Manning, you really don’t know how to run away right, Craig silently scolded himself. He packed too quick and as usual didn’t think.
He suddenly felt like a child, lost without his parents. He didn’t know where to go. Popular hang out spots were out; he was sure Joey patrolled popular spots like the mall and his favorite music store. He kept thinking he saw people he knew everywhere. He was certain that was Spike out grocery shopping with baby Jack. He couldn’t be seen. Taking the bus, transferring lines until his ticket expired, killed time and kept him semi-warm but there was no way he’d get off in an unfamiliar neighborhood at night. Yup, he definitely wasn’t good at this running away thing, Craig thought to himself. He didn’t even have an idea what he was running from.
It just helped to keep moving. He had no idea where he was headed and figured that as long as he kept moving, he was safe. Sometimes he would circle the same block several times. He wished he could go farther. Travel to a city he’d never been in and see the faces of people who didn’t know him. He could forget everyone who he ever knew, maybe even make up a story about where he came from. He kept mentally running as his feet took him from neighborhood to neighborhood. Finally he dropped down outside of a restaurant, tired and lonely. People passed him by, not glancing down.
Craig glanced at his watch. He needed to find a place to stay. Friday night; he could find out where everyone was partying at. He pulled himself up and wandered to the closest phone booth, feeling slightly sheltered as he closed the glass door. It took him about five calls to find someone who answered their cell or was mentally there enough to tell him an address. He said he’d be over but after he hung up the phone he lingered in the booth. It felt more like the end of an evening than the beginning and he just wanted to go to sleep in his own bed. What was he doing here? He couldn’t even remember why he was so angry at Joey.
He pulled the quarter from the warmth of his pocket and hesitated several moments before dropping it into the slot. His hands began to sweat, despite the cold. He was sure that he was gripping the pay phone receiver so tightly that his knuckles were white.
Joey answered on the second ring with a frantic hello. Craig closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. He could just imagine the worry he was putting his stepfather through. In his mind he could see him with the phone always in reach, searching his mind for the answer to all this. Meanwhile, Angie went to bed without a bedtime story. The guilt punched him in the stomach.
“Joey I’m really sorry. I don‘t know what I‘m doing,” Craig finally spit out.
“Craig…Craig…it’s okay. I’m not mad,” Joey reassured and told himself to change his frantic tone into something calm. Be warm, inviting. He wanted him home so badly. “Come on and tell me where you are at.”
“Joey, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sorry I’m so screwed up.”
“It’s okay, buddy. It’s okay. We’ll work it out. Whatever it is, we’ll work it out.”
“If I come home can we just pretend all this never happened?” Craig pleaded and heard Joey inhale deeply. Then there was silence.
On the other line Joey stood by the living room window and gazed out intently like if he concentrated hard enough, buildings would part and he could discover where his teen was hiding out. He knew he had to be careful with this first conversation with Craig but he couldn’t do what he was asking. “Craig, we’ll talk and we’ll work it all out. Where are you at right now? Are you at a friend’s house? One of your dad’s relatives? Do you have a place to stay tonight?”
“What does that mean, work it out? Did you call the cops on me? What about Robert? Is he involved in all this? He’s the one who wants me to be locked up, isn’t he? He let me stay with you and now he’s trying to take me away,” Craig rambled, his thoughts fast and pulsating. Craig rubbed his forehead. He just couldn’t think about the consequences.
“We just want to help, that’s all. And it’s not being locked up, it’s getting help…and that’s just an option,” Joey tried. He could hear Craig rapidly breathing on the other end.
“I keep trying to figure it all out in my head. I just know that I‘m sorry.”
Joey didn’t like Craig’s change in tone. He sounded distant, sad. What was he supposed to say? “I’m sorry too. If I didn’t listen. If I said anything that hurt you…”
“But it wasn’t you. It was everything I did. Over the past few weeks, I’ve lost everything.”
“But you haven’t! Craig, I’m still here.”
“I can’t fix this. I’m sorry,” Craig apologized again, feeling overwhelmed.
“Why won’t you let me be there for you?” He heard Joey plead but he hung up the phone anyway.
Jay stepped over a girl sprawled out face down on the floor, her blonde hair a mess. His eyes lingered on her ass. He smiled at that and how trashed she still was at 7 AM. They were the stragglers of the party. He went to the fridge, wondering what food or drink he could use up of the party thrower’s house. He almost went for a beer but reached for a can of pop instead and decided to brave the leftover cheese pizza left on the kitchen counter.
“Oh you’re still here?” Jay said as he watched Craig sit up on the couch. He’d noticed that the guy wasn’t partying as hard last night. Probably a good thing for the train wreck, he thought to himself.
“For the time being, yeah,” Craig mumbled in response and rubbed his sleepy eyes.
“Not that I care or anything but why are you couch hopping?”
“Until I figure things out this is how it has to be,” Craig replied with a shrug. Why was this guy talking to him, taking an interest. It wasn’t any of his business.
Jay rolled his eyes. “You like to invite the drama in, don’t you?”
“No, I’m trying to avoid it. Besides, it’s best this way. You don’t know…” Craig stood up and approached Sean‘s shop class buddy. The anger was building inside him. “We’ve had a total of what? Two conversations? You don’t know me.”
“I know that there’s practically an inquisition at the school. Raditch and Simpson are all over your friends, pulling them out of class to question them about if they’ve seen you. Your step dad put them up to it?”
“Great.”
“Dude, I’m surprised that he hasn’t made a public plea on television the first 24 hours you were gone.”
“That would be weird,” Craig muttered, feeling awkward from the attention he was getting from this situation. That wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to disappear. Fade out from all this.
Jay didn’t say anything for a few moments. He took a few swigs of soda, thirsty in that way that you are after a night of hard drinking. Then he said it. “Would you be surprised if that happened? Because I sure as hell would be if my parents took an active interest in my life. All they care about is if I’m not in jail. Your dad is stalking Sean in the hallways wanting to know if he’s heard from you and that he just wants to know if you are okay.”
“That’s not my dad!”
“Whatever. Look, I don’t know your situation. I’m not pretending to know. I don’t really care. I just know that if my dad…or anyone…was looking for me like that I might give it another chance. Talk things out,” Jay said and wasn’t surprised by the silence that followed.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for what will happen though,” Craig admitted and was surprised it didn’t feel so strange to be honest and real with this guy.
Jay was quiet for a moment. “Look. While I still think you need your ass beat for ruining what was looking to be an epic party, I told Sean I’d pass the message on if I saw you. Joey said that he just wants you at home. There wouldn’t be rehab or whatever.”
“He said that?”
“Yeah. I mean, I can’t promise you it’ll be a bed of roses but that’s what I heard. He wouldn’t lock you up.”
Craig chewed this over. “He was talking about getting evaluated by a substance abuse counselor and all this shit though last week. What if they want me to do AA or NA or some shit like that?”
“I always heard the dating possibilities in AA are endless,” Jay consoled Craig with a smirk.
“Well that’s a good thing since my girlfriend dumped my loser ass.”
“Oh your not a loser, Manning. A petulant brat maybe, but not a loser.”
“That’s some pretty big words for you,” Craig retorted back but their banter wasn’t cool like it used to be when they were forced to interact at Sean’s. Jay just nodded back at Craig’s playful insult with a roll of his eyes and finished off the slice of pizza.
“You really think it was an epic party?” Craig asked with a small smile after a few minutes.
“Yeah, you put on a pretty good party. Totally worth all the problems you’ve caused. I’ve got to take off.“ Jay jiggled his keys in his pocket. “So, you need a ride someplace?”
Craig was hesitant at first. “Yeah. I think I do.”
The sound of the front door opening was a surprise. Caitlin and Angie were off at the movies, catching the newest Disney flick, in an effort to distract her. Angie was surprisingly aware of what was going on, asking questions that he didn’t want to answer. He had to struggle from having a response when she admitted, “I heard you fight. Craig scares me when he’s angry.“ “He scares me too,“ Joey confessed. Then added, “But sweetie he would never ever hurt you. I’m sure of it.“
So he wasn’t sure who to expect at the door. Snake popped by so frequently that it wasn’t unusual for him not to knock. Joey wiped his hands off on the kitchen towel and headed into the living room. He was stunned to see Craig. He didn’t feel anything at first. Then all the emotions came at him at once. Was this kid okay? He noticed how Craig’s clothes didn’t fit him right - he must have borrowed from a friend. Had he been eating? Should he offer him food? Where was he? Staying with friends who were into drugs? Then came the anger. Joey really had started to expect the worst. When the phone rang he expected the police or a hospital delivering the news that started with “I’m sorry but…”
Craig dropped his backpack to the floor and clutched the stairway banister nervously. He didn’t dare move away from the front door. “Hi.”
At the sound of his voice, Joey knew that this was real. “I am so glad you are home.“ He approached Craig and pulled him into a hug. “Don’t you ever do that again.”
“I’m sorry. I do this…thing. I just…like…try to destroy things or something. I don’t know. It’s not like I do things because I don‘t care. It‘s the opposite,” Craig mumbled into Joey’s shoulder.
Joey pulled Craig away from him but kept his grip firm, “Don’t you ever do that again,” he repeated. “I was so worried about you.”
“Are you hungry? Can I make you a sandwich?” Joey questioned. He was suddenly reminded of the nights he stayed up imaging every possible scenario, including the boy on the streets hungry and cold.
“I’m fine Joey. It’s not like I was spending the nights on the streets.”
“Where were you staying?”
“With friends. Guys I used to party with. Guys I thought you wouldn’t know.”
Joey nodded, trying to figure out what the correct thing was to say. He remembered Robert encouraging him to go easy on Craig his first night back, reminding him that Craig probably hasn‘t had a steady access to food or shelter while on the run. He might just need to settle back in with a shower and have a good night‘s sleep in his own bed. “Okay well uh, let’s just take it easy tonight buddy. You want to clean up, maybe change clothes, and we can get a pizza?”
Craig nodded rapidly, surprised by how cool Joey was being with the whole situation. A part of him thought that he would be furious at him, maybe even to the point of wanting to hit him. “So you’re not mad at me?”
“I’m feeling a lot of things right now but most of all I’m just relieved that you are okay.”
“Uh, okay. Well I’m going to go clean up then,” Craig agreed, wanting to avoid hearing Joey’s true feelings.
Craig was home. He was actually here. Joey took comfort in hearing Craig in his bedroom. He hadn’t been in there since his son left home. One of the runaway organizations encouraged him to do that. It disturbed Joey, felt like he was preserving a crime scene. He sighed with relief. It was over with. The calls to hospitals and dropping off photos to shelters was over with.
He started making follow-up phone calls, letting people know that Craig had returned home; the police first and Craig came downstairs, fresh from a shower, after he just hung up the phone with Snake. He sat down next to Joey on the couch without him even asking.
“I sort of lost myself there. Like, I’ve been so in my own head this past week. I know you want answers or to understand. But I don’t even understand it.”
“Okay,” Joey agreed, feeling jumpy at this conversation. But Craig was surprisingly calm, sounding like he wanted to confess things, get them off his chest. “Um…”
“After going to Ashley’s…I slept on a park bench. I passed out. I know I’m lucky. That I wasn’t mugged or raped. I wasn’t even scared while it was happening. I just went to sleep. But when I woke up, it was so strange. I walked around and there was homeless people and kids my age with 40 ounce cans of cheap beer. And it was like 7 AM and people were heading to work.”
Joey stared down at the floor, still speechless. He had feared that would be what Craig would end up like. He had many fears, many dreams of Craig dead by his own hand or someone else’s or on the streets with other drug addicts and the mentally ill.
“I don’t want to be that way, Joey” Craig whispered after listening to the silence.
“I was so scared for you.”
Craig smiled nervously at that. “It got really freaky at times. And uh…whatever it is you want me to do, I’ll do it. I’ll see Sauvé and try to figure out what’s in my head.”
Joey nodded at that. At least Craig was meeting him half way, that was all he could hope for. He seemed to want help, that was a step in the right direction. Maybe he just hadn’t hit bottom until now. Now he would start the process to get better. “How about checking out some AA meetings? I think it would be good for you. Hearing the stories, you’d know if that’s where you need to be or not.”
There was things he couldn’t say to Joey. How embarrassed he was when having a passing conversation with a classmate in school and then hearing her walk away and state to her friend with a giggle “Someone’s been drinking.” He really thought no one knew. He didn’t like that feeling as he remembered this. So he agreed, “Okay, I can do AA, I guess. But I’m not an alcoholic. But if that’s what you want. I’ll do it.”
“All that matters is that you have the desire to stop drinking and using drugs. Then you are welcome there.”
Craig nodded, giving in. At least for the time being, he heard whisper in his brain.
Author’s Note: My chapters always wind up longer than I expect (which is thrilling). Sorry it took me another month and then some to get it up. I avoided the chapter, then doubted it, then finally finished it. There WILL be a point where Craig has to be hospitalized and diagnosed like he was in Voices Carry. It’s coming. I debated some on having that happen now but it seemed too…cruel…to have a lost Craig finally return home and Joey announce that he was being “locked up.” So I’m going with the idea that Joey simply doesn’t want to see the whole picture yet. I don’t think it’s uncommon for parents to remain in denial that something huge is going on with their kid. The next few chapters are going to set up all that, leading up to an event I’ve wanted to happen since 2004.
Main characters and pairings featured in this chapter: Craig, Joey, Sean, Ellie, Evie, Ashley (with family), Jay. Craig/Evie. Craig/random girl that he doesn't remember so why should I? Sean/Ellie. Joey/Caitlin.
Brief summary of this chapter: After confronted about his substance abuse, Craig hits the streets and a few parties.
Craig could feel the blood crashing around in his head, making him faint. He paused and leaned up against the wall of a local business. He barely saw the people rushing by him, hurrying to make it to their jobs. They didn’t notice him either. He squeezed his eyes shut, wanting this feeling to fade and the harsh sunlight gone. What was wrong? His hands were trembling violently and he rubbed his clammy palms on his jeans before pulling open the door to the convenience store. His insides felt like they were jumping around. It wasn’t nerves, he decided. His head was too light and his mind too far away to be nervous about anything. The trembling started in his torso and seemed to vibrate out, his limbs going weak. It was almost a relief to sink down to the ground and he took a couple bags of potato chips with him.
“Hey. Hey, kid are you okay?”
“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine,” Craig mumbled, trying to focus on the brightly colored food packages in the aisles and then the source of the voice. “Jean,” her employee name card read. She was middle-aged, probably with kids of her own and probably had an eventful morning before she even got to work. “I’m sorry. Sorry.”
That was all he was saying lately; sorry.
“Are you hungry? I’ll get you something to eat.”
Craig pulled himself up off the floor on his own and followed the store clerk over to a section of the store where there was a small cluster of tables. He sank down into one and the pounding in his head lessened. “I think I forgot to eat today,” Craig mumbled in response.
Jean nodded at him and sat a hot dog down in front of him, then nachos and cheese, and a fountain soda followed. Craig hungrily shoveled the food into his mouth and swore it was the best meal he’d had in awhile. He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t eating lately. Part of it was that it was an inconvenience to some of the houses he crashed at. He’d gone to fellow students at Degrassi who he knew wouldn’t rat him out, usually because they could see themselves in that situation and wanted to help. Sometimes he got lucky and the parents didn’t care that it was a school night and he was invited to sleep over. If he was blessed he got that and arrived before dinner time and got a free meal. Otherwise it was sneaking in late at night and sleeping on the bedroom floor, rising at least an hour before the parents got up so he could sneak back out. And during the day when he roamed the streets, he didn’t dare go into many grocery stores. During school hours, he stood out like a sore thumb. After school, he was sure someone would see him. When he did go in to grab a sandwich or soup from the deli, he kept his head down at all times. He felt anxious sure but there was something else. Something hard in between his heart and stomach. Maybe it was guilt. Or regret. What was he doing?
“What’s your name?” Jean asked, after she poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down across from the teenager.
“Craig,” he replied and licked cheese off his finger. He could feel his blood sugar level evening out now, the calories and nutrients flowing into him. He wasn’t shaking so violently. She was looking at him strange. It was that look, the one people like doctors and nurses gave him. Curious and concerned, expecting answers.
“I have money,” Craig reassured and started to pull bills out of his pockets. A few slipped from his shaky hands and he retrieved them from the floor and set them on the table. He suddenly realized what he must look like, nearly passing out on the floor of a gas station midmorning of a school day.
“Is there anyone you want me to call?”
“Uh, no. I’ll be fine, really. I‘m really sorry about bothering you.”
“It’s alright. Slow day. Everyone is at work…or school.”
Craig shifted uncomfortably, she knew how young he was and where he should be. He didn’t want to answer any more questions. “Um, where’s the bathroom?”
He watched as Jean gestured to a corridor off to his right. “Thanks,” he replied and quickly ducked inside.
Craig scrubbed at his face and hands. He knew he had to look a mess from going without a shower and spending the night in a city park but he wasn’t expecting to see himself this disheveled in the mirror. He had dark circles under his eyes and he feared he might smell like the liquor from the night before. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” he mumbled to his reflection.
It was moments like this where he was aware of what he was doing. Those moments were sneaking up on him more often. There was the morning a day or two ago when Luke woke him up at what seemed like hours before the sun was up, mumbling about how his father had some big meeting with accountants or lawyers and he had to be out before Dad went down for his usual cup of coffee. Craig agreed and Luke had apologized at the door. It was just that he flunked yet another history quiz and his parents were on his case, Luke explained and then reached for the coat rack, going for the hat and gloves tucked in his winter coat as some kind of consolation. It was then that Craig realized he took things too far. What he did, it wasn’t bad grades or getting caught out after curfew. Craig knew he was in deeper than that.
“But I don’t know how to fix it,” Craig mumbled, still having a conversation with his mirror reflection.
He opened his backpack and dug through it for a clean shirt. He began to shiver without his coat on and decided to pile on as many layers as he could. He was glad the liquor kept him warm last night but now that was draining and he realized how cold and sore he was from his uncomfortable sleeping spot. He glanced at his watch and sighed. Where was he going to go for the rest of the day?
Keep moving, he guessed as he exited the bathroom. That was the best distraction and gave him the feeling like he had some direction, even if at the end of the day he ended up nowhere close to where he wanted to be. He gave a little wave to Jean, behind the store counter now. There was no way for him to avoid her.
“Thanks again,” Craig mumbled.
“Here’s your change,” she said and Craig took the money from her. He’d totally forgotten about the bills he’d thrown on the counter earlier. He glanced over the bills and saw a card tucked in between. He glanced it over; a hotline for a runaway foundation and the address of some center or shelter.
“Thanks…thanks again,” Craig mumbled and managed to give her a smile, forced and he didn’t show his teeth. He had to do something to hide what was going on. A part of him still thought she was wrong about that. This couldn’t still be happening; it was so surreal.
Once he knew that school let out, Craig shut himself into a phone booth and began the usual task of finding a place to stay at. It was the usual. “Come on. Look, I’ll sleep in your basement, bathroom.” “I won’t come by until late. You don’t have to tell your parents. They won’t have to call up Joey.” That one often lead to “I won’t let you get in trouble over this.”
He sighed after the fifth attempt. It was just his first week out here. What would the next be like? He hadn’t thought of that at the time. He pulled the card from that runaway foundation out of his pocket and dialed the number. The sequence of numbers felt foreign and the strangers voice on the line spooked him. He couldn’t get one word out and quickly hung up. He wasn’t a runaway anyway. That wasn’t for him.
He found himself dialing Joey’s work number, not sure of what to say but thought it might be nice to hear the guys voice. Something familiar.
“Jeremiah Motors. How can I help you?” Joey greeted with fake cheer. It was odd to him how life just carried on and he had to be the smiling salesmen to patrons who didn’t know that his son ran away from home.
Craig couldn’t speak. Joey sounded like he was doing fine without him.
“How can I help you?” Joey repeated.
Craig hung up before he heard Joey frantically question on the other end “Craig?”
He found himself calling Ashley’s home next. He needed to apologize, offer an explanation…hell find out what happened. It seemed like every time he tried to make something right, he just dug himself in deeper. Why did he do that? What was wrong with him where everything he touched went bad, like he was spreading some disease around. His own family was so close to him that they died. His own crazy was building up in his social circle, stressing his friends out.
“Ashley, I’m so sorry for last night. I don’t know what happened,” Craig said the moment he heard her voice.
“Craig!” Ashley proclaimed and watched as he mother got up from the couch. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how all this happened. I don’t know what to do. I don‘t have a place to crash tonight,” He heard the sound of the phone being shuffled but he said that last part anyway. It gave him some relief, in an odd way.
“How are you doing, Craig?” Kate asked.
Craig’s breath came in sharp. Bits and pieces of last night came to him. Why was she being nice to him now? She shouldn’t be nice.
Kate listened to the silence on the other end of the line. At least he didn’t hang up. So she continued, “A lot of people care about you and want you to come home. Your friends miss seeing you at school. Joey, Caitlin, and Angie love you and want you to come home.”
“I’m really sorry,” Craig apologized and his voice cracked some.
“It’s okay, Craig. Just tell me where you are at,” Kate encouraged as she stared at the number on the caller ID. Just a number, no name or location. Pay phone, she wondered to herself.
“I didn’t mean for last night to happen.”
“There’s still time to fix this. All you have to do is to go home to Joey.”
“I messed everything up.”
“Can you give Joey a call? I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.”
Craig hung up the phone. The answer was simple and he knew it. Go home. Why couldn’t he get himself to do that? He was startled by the phone jangling. He let it ring several times and then picked it up, not saying a word.
“Craig? Craig, let’s talk some more. You said you didn’t have a place to stay tonight. How about you come over here?”
It was Kate’s voice. He didn’t think, just felt touched by this moment. Even a little eager. “You mean you want me around?”
“Yes. Head on over. We’re having burgers and macaroni and cheese for dinner. It’ll be just like the times when you’d be over. And then we’ll all talk.”
The suspicion was sneaking in. She was trying to trick him. And how did she know the number to call? Craig frantically glanced around, looking for any familiar cars. “You’ll have Joey there. And he’s…” Craig cut himself off but silently finished “going to be angry at me or put me in the hospital.”
“You don’t have to think about that right now. Just think about this as steps and right now we just want you here with us, where it’s safe.”
“How did you know this number to call me? Are you tracing the call? You are all working together!” Craig accused and pulled the phone away from his ear. He couldn’t get himself to hang it up, trying several times.
“We are working together to help you. We all care about you,” he barely heard Kate’s soft voice.
Craig shook his head and hung up the phone at that. She didn’t mean that. She’s the one who wanted Ashley to break up with him. If she cared she wouldn’t have done that. It was a trick, he thought as he pulled open the phone booth door. He took off running at high speed, darting into the nearest alley.
Joey felt like he had been on an emotional rollercoaster all night. The phone kept ringing and it took force to not greet each caller with Craig’s name. It was never him. Once it was a friend, a kid he had never even met, who introduced himself and let him know that Craig called him and he was okay. Joey could only ask him to let Craig know that he wasn’t in trouble and he wanted him home. He was sure he sounded like he was pleading like someone’s life was at stake.
Kate Kerwin’s call gave him hope. She had a number he was calling from. It took a little detective work and they had the number traced to a location. So he headed out the door, barely remembering to give Angie a quick kiss goodbye, ready to patrol the streets. This was it. He knew it had to be. He could track him down this time. He wasn’t sure what Craig’s reaction would be when he saw him but he had to try to find him.
He had Caitlin’s cell, which rang when she had an update. Each time he questioned if Craig called home, fearful that he made the wrong choice to hit the streets and search; he should have remained at home and waited for that call. Craig was reaching out to them. His girlfriend then had to deliver the news that no, Craig hadn’t called. But Sean did, informing them that Craig called and he offered to let him stay at his place. But he refused. Caitlin recited exactly what Sean said, disturbed by it, “He won’t come over, it’s like he’s convinced that there’s some plot against him.” “I just want him home,” Joey replied, baffled by Craig’s paranoia.
It was hard to head home and he pulled up into the driveway heavy with defeat. He must have circled that block with the payphone thirty times and combed through the neighborhood. He stopped his car in alleys and called out Craig’s name. It was difficult to realize that if Craig was out there, he probably drove him into hiding. Joey stood out in the driveway until Snake pulled up. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t head back inside. Maybe a part of him thought that Craig would walk up any second. The kid said he had nowhere to go, Joey’s frantic brain kept repeating over and over.
“Any luck?” he questioned his buddy.
“No sight of him at the mall. The kids at the dot said that they haven’t seen him. I checked a few of the other places you said he liked to hang out at,” Simpson delivered he bad news.
Joey sighed, “He doesn’t want to be found, Snake.”
“Come on, let’s head inside. Have a beer.”
Joey reluctantly agreed, but downed half the bottle in a few gulps. He sank down into an armchair and sighed. “I feel like I’ve failed him.”
“Joey, no. You took in a troubled kid. You‘ve given him a shot when I don‘t think he had one otherwise.”
“You know that feeling you get when your kids are unhappy? I mean it still sometimes almost kills me to tell Angie that she can’t have a Barbie when we are the toy section. It’s like ten times that right now. I did everything wrong,” Joey said, his voice heavy with depression.
“Parents are human too, you know. They make mistakes.”
“Craig and I never have fought like that before. It was one of those fights that feel like they are having you and you aren’t having the fight. I had no control and Craig certainly can’t control himself. I have no idea what’s going on with that kid.”
“You have been getting him help, trying to help. That’s all you can do. There’s only so much you can do. Craig has to do the rest.”
“I don’t know if I did the right thing bringing him home. I don’t know what we are going to do when he arrives home,” Joey took a deep breath. “I’ve been trying to get the message out to him that there’s no rehab or in-patient hospitalization, hoping that will bring him home. Craig would call all that ‘being locked up.’”
“I’m sure it’s an absolutely terrifying thing to consider placing your kid in treatment,” Snake decided to say. He wasn’t Craig’s father, he was just hear to listen.
Joey sighed again, maybe for the tenth time over a few minutes. “I can’t say what will happen if the cops pick him up. They might put him in psychiatric hold for 72 hours. I have absolutely no control in this situation.”
“I’m sorry. It’s up to Craig. And like you said before the police said, kids usually return on their own. It’s up to Craig.”
Craig returned to that same convenience store around 7, hoping that Jean would still be working. He wasn’t sure why he was trusting this absolute stranger but lately his choices didn’t make much sense. The warmth of the store burned his hands and feet as they thawed. It almost hurt to move through the aisles as he glanced around for the familiar employee. He wondered if it was some sort of sign. He decided to hang out for the next half hour or so eating nachos, then popcorn. He watched people file in and always grew tense when it was a pack of teenagers. Someone was going to recognize him, he just knew it.
So he pulled his hat on, borrowed from Luke, and the hoodie over. That helped ease his anxiety a little and it lessened when he was out in the dark street. As he walked, he put his gloves on, also out on loan. Manning, you really don’t know how to run away right, Craig silently scolded himself. He packed too quick and as usual didn’t think.
He suddenly felt like a child, lost without his parents. He didn’t know where to go. Popular hang out spots were out; he was sure Joey patrolled popular spots like the mall and his favorite music store. He kept thinking he saw people he knew everywhere. He was certain that was Spike out grocery shopping with baby Jack. He couldn’t be seen. Taking the bus, transferring lines until his ticket expired, killed time and kept him semi-warm but there was no way he’d get off in an unfamiliar neighborhood at night. Yup, he definitely wasn’t good at this running away thing, Craig thought to himself. He didn’t even have an idea what he was running from.
It just helped to keep moving. He had no idea where he was headed and figured that as long as he kept moving, he was safe. Sometimes he would circle the same block several times. He wished he could go farther. Travel to a city he’d never been in and see the faces of people who didn’t know him. He could forget everyone who he ever knew, maybe even make up a story about where he came from. He kept mentally running as his feet took him from neighborhood to neighborhood. Finally he dropped down outside of a restaurant, tired and lonely. People passed him by, not glancing down.
Craig glanced at his watch. He needed to find a place to stay. Friday night; he could find out where everyone was partying at. He pulled himself up and wandered to the closest phone booth, feeling slightly sheltered as he closed the glass door. It took him about five calls to find someone who answered their cell or was mentally there enough to tell him an address. He said he’d be over but after he hung up the phone he lingered in the booth. It felt more like the end of an evening than the beginning and he just wanted to go to sleep in his own bed. What was he doing here? He couldn’t even remember why he was so angry at Joey.
He pulled the quarter from the warmth of his pocket and hesitated several moments before dropping it into the slot. His hands began to sweat, despite the cold. He was sure that he was gripping the pay phone receiver so tightly that his knuckles were white.
Joey answered on the second ring with a frantic hello. Craig closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. He could just imagine the worry he was putting his stepfather through. In his mind he could see him with the phone always in reach, searching his mind for the answer to all this. Meanwhile, Angie went to bed without a bedtime story. The guilt punched him in the stomach.
“Joey I’m really sorry. I don‘t know what I‘m doing,” Craig finally spit out.
“Craig…Craig…it’s okay. I’m not mad,” Joey reassured and told himself to change his frantic tone into something calm. Be warm, inviting. He wanted him home so badly. “Come on and tell me where you are at.”
“Joey, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sorry I’m so screwed up.”
“It’s okay, buddy. It’s okay. We’ll work it out. Whatever it is, we’ll work it out.”
“If I come home can we just pretend all this never happened?” Craig pleaded and heard Joey inhale deeply. Then there was silence.
On the other line Joey stood by the living room window and gazed out intently like if he concentrated hard enough, buildings would part and he could discover where his teen was hiding out. He knew he had to be careful with this first conversation with Craig but he couldn’t do what he was asking. “Craig, we’ll talk and we’ll work it all out. Where are you at right now? Are you at a friend’s house? One of your dad’s relatives? Do you have a place to stay tonight?”
“What does that mean, work it out? Did you call the cops on me? What about Robert? Is he involved in all this? He’s the one who wants me to be locked up, isn’t he? He let me stay with you and now he’s trying to take me away,” Craig rambled, his thoughts fast and pulsating. Craig rubbed his forehead. He just couldn’t think about the consequences.
“We just want to help, that’s all. And it’s not being locked up, it’s getting help…and that’s just an option,” Joey tried. He could hear Craig rapidly breathing on the other end.
“I keep trying to figure it all out in my head. I just know that I‘m sorry.”
Joey didn’t like Craig’s change in tone. He sounded distant, sad. What was he supposed to say? “I’m sorry too. If I didn’t listen. If I said anything that hurt you…”
“But it wasn’t you. It was everything I did. Over the past few weeks, I’ve lost everything.”
“But you haven’t! Craig, I’m still here.”
“I can’t fix this. I’m sorry,” Craig apologized again, feeling overwhelmed.
“Why won’t you let me be there for you?” He heard Joey plead but he hung up the phone anyway.
Jay stepped over a girl sprawled out face down on the floor, her blonde hair a mess. His eyes lingered on her ass. He smiled at that and how trashed she still was at 7 AM. They were the stragglers of the party. He went to the fridge, wondering what food or drink he could use up of the party thrower’s house. He almost went for a beer but reached for a can of pop instead and decided to brave the leftover cheese pizza left on the kitchen counter.
“Oh you’re still here?” Jay said as he watched Craig sit up on the couch. He’d noticed that the guy wasn’t partying as hard last night. Probably a good thing for the train wreck, he thought to himself.
“For the time being, yeah,” Craig mumbled in response and rubbed his sleepy eyes.
“Not that I care or anything but why are you couch hopping?”
“Until I figure things out this is how it has to be,” Craig replied with a shrug. Why was this guy talking to him, taking an interest. It wasn’t any of his business.
Jay rolled his eyes. “You like to invite the drama in, don’t you?”
“No, I’m trying to avoid it. Besides, it’s best this way. You don’t know…” Craig stood up and approached Sean‘s shop class buddy. The anger was building inside him. “We’ve had a total of what? Two conversations? You don’t know me.”
“I know that there’s practically an inquisition at the school. Raditch and Simpson are all over your friends, pulling them out of class to question them about if they’ve seen you. Your step dad put them up to it?”
“Great.”
“Dude, I’m surprised that he hasn’t made a public plea on television the first 24 hours you were gone.”
“That would be weird,” Craig muttered, feeling awkward from the attention he was getting from this situation. That wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to disappear. Fade out from all this.
Jay didn’t say anything for a few moments. He took a few swigs of soda, thirsty in that way that you are after a night of hard drinking. Then he said it. “Would you be surprised if that happened? Because I sure as hell would be if my parents took an active interest in my life. All they care about is if I’m not in jail. Your dad is stalking Sean in the hallways wanting to know if he’s heard from you and that he just wants to know if you are okay.”
“That’s not my dad!”
“Whatever. Look, I don’t know your situation. I’m not pretending to know. I don’t really care. I just know that if my dad…or anyone…was looking for me like that I might give it another chance. Talk things out,” Jay said and wasn’t surprised by the silence that followed.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for what will happen though,” Craig admitted and was surprised it didn’t feel so strange to be honest and real with this guy.
Jay was quiet for a moment. “Look. While I still think you need your ass beat for ruining what was looking to be an epic party, I told Sean I’d pass the message on if I saw you. Joey said that he just wants you at home. There wouldn’t be rehab or whatever.”
“He said that?”
“Yeah. I mean, I can’t promise you it’ll be a bed of roses but that’s what I heard. He wouldn’t lock you up.”
Craig chewed this over. “He was talking about getting evaluated by a substance abuse counselor and all this shit though last week. What if they want me to do AA or NA or some shit like that?”
“I always heard the dating possibilities in AA are endless,” Jay consoled Craig with a smirk.
“Well that’s a good thing since my girlfriend dumped my loser ass.”
“Oh your not a loser, Manning. A petulant brat maybe, but not a loser.”
“That’s some pretty big words for you,” Craig retorted back but their banter wasn’t cool like it used to be when they were forced to interact at Sean’s. Jay just nodded back at Craig’s playful insult with a roll of his eyes and finished off the slice of pizza.
“You really think it was an epic party?” Craig asked with a small smile after a few minutes.
“Yeah, you put on a pretty good party. Totally worth all the problems you’ve caused. I’ve got to take off.“ Jay jiggled his keys in his pocket. “So, you need a ride someplace?”
Craig was hesitant at first. “Yeah. I think I do.”
The sound of the front door opening was a surprise. Caitlin and Angie were off at the movies, catching the newest Disney flick, in an effort to distract her. Angie was surprisingly aware of what was going on, asking questions that he didn’t want to answer. He had to struggle from having a response when she admitted, “I heard you fight. Craig scares me when he’s angry.“ “He scares me too,“ Joey confessed. Then added, “But sweetie he would never ever hurt you. I’m sure of it.“
So he wasn’t sure who to expect at the door. Snake popped by so frequently that it wasn’t unusual for him not to knock. Joey wiped his hands off on the kitchen towel and headed into the living room. He was stunned to see Craig. He didn’t feel anything at first. Then all the emotions came at him at once. Was this kid okay? He noticed how Craig’s clothes didn’t fit him right - he must have borrowed from a friend. Had he been eating? Should he offer him food? Where was he? Staying with friends who were into drugs? Then came the anger. Joey really had started to expect the worst. When the phone rang he expected the police or a hospital delivering the news that started with “I’m sorry but…”
Craig dropped his backpack to the floor and clutched the stairway banister nervously. He didn’t dare move away from the front door. “Hi.”
At the sound of his voice, Joey knew that this was real. “I am so glad you are home.“ He approached Craig and pulled him into a hug. “Don’t you ever do that again.”
“I’m sorry. I do this…thing. I just…like…try to destroy things or something. I don’t know. It’s not like I do things because I don‘t care. It‘s the opposite,” Craig mumbled into Joey’s shoulder.
Joey pulled Craig away from him but kept his grip firm, “Don’t you ever do that again,” he repeated. “I was so worried about you.”
“Are you hungry? Can I make you a sandwich?” Joey questioned. He was suddenly reminded of the nights he stayed up imaging every possible scenario, including the boy on the streets hungry and cold.
“I’m fine Joey. It’s not like I was spending the nights on the streets.”
“Where were you staying?”
“With friends. Guys I used to party with. Guys I thought you wouldn’t know.”
Joey nodded, trying to figure out what the correct thing was to say. He remembered Robert encouraging him to go easy on Craig his first night back, reminding him that Craig probably hasn‘t had a steady access to food or shelter while on the run. He might just need to settle back in with a shower and have a good night‘s sleep in his own bed. “Okay well uh, let’s just take it easy tonight buddy. You want to clean up, maybe change clothes, and we can get a pizza?”
Craig nodded rapidly, surprised by how cool Joey was being with the whole situation. A part of him thought that he would be furious at him, maybe even to the point of wanting to hit him. “So you’re not mad at me?”
“I’m feeling a lot of things right now but most of all I’m just relieved that you are okay.”
“Uh, okay. Well I’m going to go clean up then,” Craig agreed, wanting to avoid hearing Joey’s true feelings.
Craig was home. He was actually here. Joey took comfort in hearing Craig in his bedroom. He hadn’t been in there since his son left home. One of the runaway organizations encouraged him to do that. It disturbed Joey, felt like he was preserving a crime scene. He sighed with relief. It was over with. The calls to hospitals and dropping off photos to shelters was over with.
He started making follow-up phone calls, letting people know that Craig had returned home; the police first and Craig came downstairs, fresh from a shower, after he just hung up the phone with Snake. He sat down next to Joey on the couch without him even asking.
“I sort of lost myself there. Like, I’ve been so in my own head this past week. I know you want answers or to understand. But I don’t even understand it.”
“Okay,” Joey agreed, feeling jumpy at this conversation. But Craig was surprisingly calm, sounding like he wanted to confess things, get them off his chest. “Um…”
“After going to Ashley’s…I slept on a park bench. I passed out. I know I’m lucky. That I wasn’t mugged or raped. I wasn’t even scared while it was happening. I just went to sleep. But when I woke up, it was so strange. I walked around and there was homeless people and kids my age with 40 ounce cans of cheap beer. And it was like 7 AM and people were heading to work.”
Joey stared down at the floor, still speechless. He had feared that would be what Craig would end up like. He had many fears, many dreams of Craig dead by his own hand or someone else’s or on the streets with other drug addicts and the mentally ill.
“I don’t want to be that way, Joey” Craig whispered after listening to the silence.
“I was so scared for you.”
Craig smiled nervously at that. “It got really freaky at times. And uh…whatever it is you want me to do, I’ll do it. I’ll see Sauvé and try to figure out what’s in my head.”
Joey nodded at that. At least Craig was meeting him half way, that was all he could hope for. He seemed to want help, that was a step in the right direction. Maybe he just hadn’t hit bottom until now. Now he would start the process to get better. “How about checking out some AA meetings? I think it would be good for you. Hearing the stories, you’d know if that’s where you need to be or not.”
There was things he couldn’t say to Joey. How embarrassed he was when having a passing conversation with a classmate in school and then hearing her walk away and state to her friend with a giggle “Someone’s been drinking.” He really thought no one knew. He didn’t like that feeling as he remembered this. So he agreed, “Okay, I can do AA, I guess. But I’m not an alcoholic. But if that’s what you want. I’ll do it.”
“All that matters is that you have the desire to stop drinking and using drugs. Then you are welcome there.”
Craig nodded, giving in. At least for the time being, he heard whisper in his brain.
Author’s Note: My chapters always wind up longer than I expect (which is thrilling). Sorry it took me another month and then some to get it up. I avoided the chapter, then doubted it, then finally finished it. There WILL be a point where Craig has to be hospitalized and diagnosed like he was in Voices Carry. It’s coming. I debated some on having that happen now but it seemed too…cruel…to have a lost Craig finally return home and Joey announce that he was being “locked up.” So I’m going with the idea that Joey simply doesn’t want to see the whole picture yet. I don’t think it’s uncommon for parents to remain in denial that something huge is going on with their kid. The next few chapters are going to set up all that, leading up to an event I’ve wanted to happen since 2004.