Reunion
Title: Reunion
Author: kissoffools / wakeyourheart (originally posted under the username idol_girl )
Pairing: Jacob Hoggard/Kalan Porter
Date Posted: July 20, 2006
Rating: PG-12 - there's some swearing. It's angry.
Summary: Jacob and Kalan were both at the Juno Awards this spring. It was the first time they'd seen each other since Idol, and they finally get around to talking.
Disclaimer: Not real, not mine, you know the drill. Don't sue me.
Notes: I don't even know where this came from. I sat down to write a fairly sweet Brandon/Chad CI 4 story, and all I had in my head was this image of Kalan washing his face in a sink with a dirty, cracked mirror hanging over it. And this Jalan story followed. Everything I talk about in here is basically my frustrations with the boys they've become. Oh, and you might need tissues... at least, I did while writing it. Or maybe it's just that time of the month.
"Well. Long time no see."
Kalan lifted his head up from where he was splashing it with water in the sink. Through the cracked and scummy mirror, he could make out a pair of hazel eyes glaring - yes, glaring - at him in the stall doorway behind him.
"Jacob?"
"Don’t call me that anymore," Jake snapped, stepping out of the stall slightly. "I go by Jake now. No one’s called me Jacob since... well, since awhile ago."
Kalan turned to face the other man. "I heard you guys were nominated. Congratulations."
Jake appeared not to hear him. Instead, his eyes scanned Kalan’s clothing, hair, and face intently. "Look at yourself."
"Excuse me?"
"I said, look at yourself," Jake repeated, louder. "Who the hell are you?"
"What are you playing at, you know -"
"I don’t know you," Jake spat. "You’re not the boy I knew two years ago. You’re rail-thin and your curls are gone and your fashion sense... well, at least that’s still terrible."
Kalan involuntarily examined his shoes, wondering what was wrong with them. "So I’ve changed my look a little bit, that’s not a big - "
"That’s not all that’s changed. You’re barely even there, Kalan. I’ve seen you on TV, being interviewed. I’ve heard some of your songs. I even snuck into one of your shows last summer. I wanted to come up to you, to surprise you. To maybe try and reconnect with my best friend. But I couldn’t find him. He certainly wasn’t up onstage singing his heart out. You’re not yourself anymore. You’re worn down and tired and you don’t look like you give a shit about anything anymore," Jake told him.
"I do too give a shit about stuff. My career, my family, my fans... they’re the most important things in the world to me."
"Don’t give me some media-honed answer. You don’t have that look in your eyes anymore, Kalan - the one that showed inspiration and honesty and genuineness. The one that caused millions of girls to fall for you." Jake’s gaze trained across Kalan’s eyes, searching. "The one that caused me to fall for you."
Ignoring the aching sensation in the pit of his stomach, Kalan retorted, "Who the fuck do you think you are? You come in here and trash me and everything I’ve become. That’s all you’ve done ever since you left Idol." Jake unconsciously sucked in a breath. "Yeah, Idol. No matter how many gigs you play with your band, no matter how many girls you sleep with on tour, no matter how much you try and push those three months to somewhere deep in the dark parts of your brain, they’re still there. You were on Canadian Idol. That’s how you started. It’s one thing to take that and to grow from it, but to pretend it never happened... that’s not the boy I loved."
Jake averted his eyes as tears started to run down Kalan’s pasty cheeks. "What happened to me? Did it never occur to you that everything I’ve gone through since Idol, everything I’ve done... it’s all because of you? I came to one of Hedley’s shows too. Stood at the back ignoring the screaming girls up at the front of the stage, hoping that just once you’d see me. You never did. You sang Trip. Don’t you even remember how that was written? When it was written? Why?"
"Of course I remember," Jake mumbled.
"Then stop trying to deny that you and I ever knew each other!" Kalan was practically screaming now. "The saddest moment of my life was opening the Toronto Sun six months after Idol to find your two-paragraph rant on the show and the idiot who won it. Two paragraphs bashing me. During the show, everything I did was to impress you. I didn’t sing for my fans or for the judges - I sang to make you proud of me. And everything that’s happened since then has happened because you’re too fucking jaded to admit that our relationship was real."
"Kalan, it was a summer thing, you had to know that it would end -"
"I didn’t know, not then. But when it did... God. You said you’d come back for me. When this whole shitty mess was over, you said you’d come back and we could sort things out. You said that the show and its fame was fleeting and meaningless, but that you, me... us... we were forever."
Jake seemed at a loss for words. He didn’t know how to console this blond mess of a boy. He didn’t know how to fix the one thing in his life that was once so damn perfect. "I..."
"Jake!" The washroom door banged open and in popped Chris Crippin’s head. "Man, Etalk Daily’s looking for us. Something about your promise to eat ten meatball subs on camera...?"
The two men turned to face Chris. Kalan didn’t even try to hide his tears. Jake nodded at Chris and followed him to the door, not once sending Kalan another glance.
"Hey," Kalan’s voice came softly. Jake’s ears, so attuned to hearing every little sound that Kalan uttered, heard him. In spite of himself, Jake turned and met Kalan’s gaze.
"That’s it, Jacob. I’m done wanting to go back to the summer."
Kalan wiped his eyes and pushed past Jake, putting an end to every unspoken maybe and could have and someday soon. And despite everything, Jake couldn’t help but be relieved to hear himself referred to as Jacob once more.
Author: kissoffools / wakeyourheart (originally posted under the username idol_girl )
Pairing: Jacob Hoggard/Kalan Porter
Date Posted: July 20, 2006
Rating: PG-12 - there's some swearing. It's angry.
Summary: Jacob and Kalan were both at the Juno Awards this spring. It was the first time they'd seen each other since Idol, and they finally get around to talking.
Disclaimer: Not real, not mine, you know the drill. Don't sue me.
Notes: I don't even know where this came from. I sat down to write a fairly sweet Brandon/Chad CI 4 story, and all I had in my head was this image of Kalan washing his face in a sink with a dirty, cracked mirror hanging over it. And this Jalan story followed. Everything I talk about in here is basically my frustrations with the boys they've become. Oh, and you might need tissues... at least, I did while writing it. Or maybe it's just that time of the month.
"Well. Long time no see."
Kalan lifted his head up from where he was splashing it with water in the sink. Through the cracked and scummy mirror, he could make out a pair of hazel eyes glaring - yes, glaring - at him in the stall doorway behind him.
"Jacob?"
"Don’t call me that anymore," Jake snapped, stepping out of the stall slightly. "I go by Jake now. No one’s called me Jacob since... well, since awhile ago."
Kalan turned to face the other man. "I heard you guys were nominated. Congratulations."
Jake appeared not to hear him. Instead, his eyes scanned Kalan’s clothing, hair, and face intently. "Look at yourself."
"Excuse me?"
"I said, look at yourself," Jake repeated, louder. "Who the hell are you?"
"What are you playing at, you know -"
"I don’t know you," Jake spat. "You’re not the boy I knew two years ago. You’re rail-thin and your curls are gone and your fashion sense... well, at least that’s still terrible."
Kalan involuntarily examined his shoes, wondering what was wrong with them. "So I’ve changed my look a little bit, that’s not a big - "
"That’s not all that’s changed. You’re barely even there, Kalan. I’ve seen you on TV, being interviewed. I’ve heard some of your songs. I even snuck into one of your shows last summer. I wanted to come up to you, to surprise you. To maybe try and reconnect with my best friend. But I couldn’t find him. He certainly wasn’t up onstage singing his heart out. You’re not yourself anymore. You’re worn down and tired and you don’t look like you give a shit about anything anymore," Jake told him.
"I do too give a shit about stuff. My career, my family, my fans... they’re the most important things in the world to me."
"Don’t give me some media-honed answer. You don’t have that look in your eyes anymore, Kalan - the one that showed inspiration and honesty and genuineness. The one that caused millions of girls to fall for you." Jake’s gaze trained across Kalan’s eyes, searching. "The one that caused me to fall for you."
Ignoring the aching sensation in the pit of his stomach, Kalan retorted, "Who the fuck do you think you are? You come in here and trash me and everything I’ve become. That’s all you’ve done ever since you left Idol." Jake unconsciously sucked in a breath. "Yeah, Idol. No matter how many gigs you play with your band, no matter how many girls you sleep with on tour, no matter how much you try and push those three months to somewhere deep in the dark parts of your brain, they’re still there. You were on Canadian Idol. That’s how you started. It’s one thing to take that and to grow from it, but to pretend it never happened... that’s not the boy I loved."
Jake averted his eyes as tears started to run down Kalan’s pasty cheeks. "What happened to me? Did it never occur to you that everything I’ve gone through since Idol, everything I’ve done... it’s all because of you? I came to one of Hedley’s shows too. Stood at the back ignoring the screaming girls up at the front of the stage, hoping that just once you’d see me. You never did. You sang Trip. Don’t you even remember how that was written? When it was written? Why?"
"Of course I remember," Jake mumbled.
"Then stop trying to deny that you and I ever knew each other!" Kalan was practically screaming now. "The saddest moment of my life was opening the Toronto Sun six months after Idol to find your two-paragraph rant on the show and the idiot who won it. Two paragraphs bashing me. During the show, everything I did was to impress you. I didn’t sing for my fans or for the judges - I sang to make you proud of me. And everything that’s happened since then has happened because you’re too fucking jaded to admit that our relationship was real."
"Kalan, it was a summer thing, you had to know that it would end -"
"I didn’t know, not then. But when it did... God. You said you’d come back for me. When this whole shitty mess was over, you said you’d come back and we could sort things out. You said that the show and its fame was fleeting and meaningless, but that you, me... us... we were forever."
Jake seemed at a loss for words. He didn’t know how to console this blond mess of a boy. He didn’t know how to fix the one thing in his life that was once so damn perfect. "I..."
"Jake!" The washroom door banged open and in popped Chris Crippin’s head. "Man, Etalk Daily’s looking for us. Something about your promise to eat ten meatball subs on camera...?"
The two men turned to face Chris. Kalan didn’t even try to hide his tears. Jake nodded at Chris and followed him to the door, not once sending Kalan another glance.
"Hey," Kalan’s voice came softly. Jake’s ears, so attuned to hearing every little sound that Kalan uttered, heard him. In spite of himself, Jake turned and met Kalan’s gaze.
"That’s it, Jacob. I’m done wanting to go back to the summer."
Kalan wiped his eyes and pushed past Jake, putting an end to every unspoken maybe and could have and someday soon. And despite everything, Jake couldn’t help but be relieved to hear himself referred to as Jacob once more.