Just hold me and tell me everything will be alright.
This last year or so I've gone through many different events. With family, friends and my personal self. Some things I will look back and I'll realise it just might have been the worst part in my life and some to tears thinking about it or I might realise it was the best part in my life and I will still have tears coming to my eyes.
I also keep thinking about all the things that I haven't done while I was in highschool which fills me with regret. Theres this emptyness that I feel would have been filled if I did all the things I wanted to get done. I'm in a rut at the moment where I'm completely broke. I'm supposed to go on a trip with a friend across Canada but there is no way I cando it in a week. I need to get my life together before I lose it on this trip. I still haven't come up with the courage to tell ehr we need to delay it.
With my family, there have been devestations and drama. I know we'll all beokay, but once I move away I don't knwo what will happen. I will miss them though, but I feel like I need to make my own life without them.
With friends, there have been so many losses and gains and then losses again that I just can't grasp how some friendships can last for a life time. I've come to a stage of thinking where best friends really don't last forever. No matter how much we try and talk ourselves into it, the friendships we have in highschool most likely won't be a lifelong thing. Everyone is already changing and moving away that I feel its just impossible to keep in touch with everyone, I don't know how I'll do it, I don't even know if I'll do it.
I wish this wasn't the end of things, and it brings me to tears just to think about it all. I feel though, that its time that I get in touch with this part of reality no matter how much it hurts me. Sometimes I just sit in my room, close my eyes and wish that I could know whats in store for me in my future. I've never been so scared of something in my entire life. I can't shake this feeling no matter how hard I try, its just too difficult.
All I can do is sit here, think about all the memories I have and all the people I love, trying to find the bright side of this huge change, but I can't. I don't know what life has in store for me at all. I have no idea what I want to do in my future. I'm scared. I can't say it enough, I am absolutly terrified and I can't stand it.
I just keep thinking, wow, this is reality, and its pretty harsh.
I also keep thinking about all the things that I haven't done while I was in highschool which fills me with regret. Theres this emptyness that I feel would have been filled if I did all the things I wanted to get done. I'm in a rut at the moment where I'm completely broke. I'm supposed to go on a trip with a friend across Canada but there is no way I cando it in a week. I need to get my life together before I lose it on this trip. I still haven't come up with the courage to tell ehr we need to delay it.
With my family, there have been devestations and drama. I know we'll all beokay, but once I move away I don't knwo what will happen. I will miss them though, but I feel like I need to make my own life without them.
With friends, there have been so many losses and gains and then losses again that I just can't grasp how some friendships can last for a life time. I've come to a stage of thinking where best friends really don't last forever. No matter how much we try and talk ourselves into it, the friendships we have in highschool most likely won't be a lifelong thing. Everyone is already changing and moving away that I feel its just impossible to keep in touch with everyone, I don't know how I'll do it, I don't even know if I'll do it.
I wish this wasn't the end of things, and it brings me to tears just to think about it all. I feel though, that its time that I get in touch with this part of reality no matter how much it hurts me. Sometimes I just sit in my room, close my eyes and wish that I could know whats in store for me in my future. I've never been so scared of something in my entire life. I can't shake this feeling no matter how hard I try, its just too difficult.
All I can do is sit here, think about all the memories I have and all the people I love, trying to find the bright side of this huge change, but I can't. I don't know what life has in store for me at all. I have no idea what I want to do in my future. I'm scared. I can't say it enough, I am absolutly terrified and I can't stand it.
I just keep thinking, wow, this is reality, and its pretty harsh.