for the love…
Originally published at Perches in the Soul. You can comment here or there.
“Many things we need can wait. The child cannot. Now is the time his bones are formed, his mind developed. To him we cannot say tomorrow, his name is today.”
- Gabriela Mistral
I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.
I had great intentions of writing an epic entry about how much I love my new surroundings and how challenged and encouraged I feel at my new program.
Then today happened. And well.
I love my job. I love my job.
but some days it sucks.
5 mon old with a trach due to a cyst in his airway that she was born with. She is beautiful, she smiles and tracks and loves people.
She lives in a neighborhood that happens to be rape capitol and most violent places in America. Its also one of the poorest.
For three weeks since I got here we have worked to get him, his pregnant, single, Mom who is younger than me HOME.
I have talked to her pediatrician, home health, social work, discharge planning, ENT, GI, God and Mom. I spent my first two weeks of internship loving and advocating for this little girl. Because this is what I believe in. I believe that early intervention can work in the slums, I believe these kids are worth fighting for.
Today was D-DAY.
Home health called after rounds after I told Mom that today was the day. They did a reevaluation….they won’t send anyone to THAT neighborhood anymore plus Mom is a social concern, did we know she was pregnant??? And single??? And uneducated???
Yes we knew and yes we are skeptical too. Thats why we spent four weeks teaching Mom to do trach care and tube feeds. She learned it all beautifully and yes she is poor but she is not stupid.
And the fact is, this is America. We don’t take kids away from their parents just because they are medically complicated. I’ve been in a society like that and believe me while this situation isn’t ideal that one is a diaster and a moral travesty. The thought of this beautiful baby who is cognitively a 110% been warehoused makes me sick.
Mom deserves a chance. The baby deserves the chance at his blood family before being turned over to foster care.
After my attending and I begged home health, listened to the SW and the nurses bash Mom, home health, the universe and our team. And getting no where for hours and hours.
I had to go tell Mom. She told me that she knew we didn’t trust her especially the nurses….and she thought I was lying because every day I come in and say he is going home and yet he never does.
An hour later I got another page and we went through it again.
And then I came home and crumpled
I love my job. I love my job.
because I love these children. I don’t care where they live, or what country they hail from or how much we think their situation is terrible. Its not about that.
Its about the child.
A precious child who while I am telling her Mother and she is yelling at the me, at the situation (I would yell too). She is just smiling at me as if to say I forgive you. I forgive them. I love you because you care even if you fail.
and i crumple in the light of her grace, of her wisdom.
I only wish that we could all just for a moment stop moving, stop screaming, stop writing paper work and filing medicaid and remember that in the end this is about that.
Its about the child…
and thats why even when it sucks. I will wake up at 5Am and go back to work for 30 straight hours tomorrow
Because I love her. and every baby like her.