(no subject)
im at work right now. definitely not working. ive decided this is my last night. i dont fucking care anymore. i hate this stupid job. my boss is a jerk. so im done with this. my two days off sucked. i was actually glad about coming back to work, because id have time to just be by myself and chill out. but i got to work and read the fucking jerk note my boss left for me and flipped. it made me so mad. i started shaking, and just wanted to cry and break stuff. so thats when i decided. kyle and chelsea came here. that helped a whole lot. like seriously. tommy was being an ass and wouldnt talk to me. but they did cheer me up a wee bit. ive been here for about 4 hours now and havent done a single thing. except talk on the phone and play a few games of solitaire. something is majorly wrong with me right now and i cant exactly figure out what. i feel like so much shit. its unbelievable. i think im going to just shut myself up in my room for a few days. im sure my decision to quit is just because of this weird thing im going through...but i dont care. i tried talking to tommy cuz i figured hed care and help or something but i guess i was wrong. i mean im sure he cares and all, but had no interest in making me feel any better. so thanks for that. the only thing he was really concerned about was getting off the phone. hes seemed really distant lately. just from me though. but of course ive been pretty fucked up so maybe im just imagining things. well he says i am, but it doesnt seem like that to me. i dont know. he thinks i should see a psychiatrist. haha. nice huh? hes probably right though. its so fucking cold here. i hate this place. i cant wait to get home. i really cant. now ill have new years eve off. i hope she doesnt make brandon work though. ill feel really bad. shes going to be so pissed in the morning. but whatever. im so fucking mad i could scream. i feel like im trapped. i feel like i dont have anywhere to go. and it doesnt seem like anyone gives a shit at all. like i could just curl up and die, and everyone would be okay with that. its a really sucky feeling. it really sucks sitting here alone in a gas station, desperately needing someone to talk to, but having nobody to go to. the only person i even want to talk to just wont. blah. i should have left. i should have gone to a party. i should have gone to get wasted. or i at least could have gone home to go to sleep. i wonder why ive been so miserable lately. blah. i hate me.