(no subject)
Last night I went to Barnes and Noble and wasn’t able to really relax and read, not sure why. Should have been able to. Got the last to books on my shortlist of novels to read. Love in the Time of Cholera and Johnny Cash’s Autobiography Cash by Johnny Cash. I have plans for reading further beyond those but am not interested in sharing them as of yet.
But last night when I tried to go to bed something really weird happened. I was thinking of how I wish I could go back and relive my life knowing what I know now. But I was really just thinking high school. But people probably do that frequently if they found out more about themselves after high school. But I jumped back further when I thought of the age I’d want to be again. I thought 12. I started having flashes of my life form back then. My memories seemed to be digging themselves up and I was rewriting them in my head and seeing mundane and important events form my elementary years. And my home and the last real birthday party I had and I was even freaking out cause I couldn’t tell whether I was in the past or the present. Things started flying through my head visually at an uncontrolled rate. I started spazming, and violently to boot. My senses felt like they were on the verge of melting away. My body seemed to be actually growing younger or smaller like it was being drained. I was conscious, it wasn’t even a dream cause I could still hear my music and feel my hand on the IPod.
My own body experiencing twitches startled me awake. And it hurt almost everywhere. I tried calling LaDonna, then messaging her, calling her, leaving her a message, and then got a hold of her. She was busy but she helped me calm down a bit. I thought I’d walk around the condos and be able to tire myself a bit, but I just ended up hanging out in the 4-way intersection of Temple and Ponderosa. I watched the lights change and cars go by. I eventually had to take a piss, but I couldn’t go back to bed. For the first time since I can remember I couldn’t go back to my own bed.
I grabbed my book, journal, wallet, and semi functional cell, and just left for Denny’s.
I was expecting to read there. Just drink coffee and wait out the night till morning. But when I got there I just wrote. I finished writing about my weekend with LaDonna, and then about my summer, and everything serious that’s happened up till that very moment. I even planned out what I am going to be doing after I finish my reading my new novels. And I was shocked to find I filled the last pages of my journal.
And read just a few pages before sunrise.
I wrote a beginning in the ending and walked off into the sunrise.
And I felt great.
I didn’t conk out when I got home but emailed one of the teachers I’ll have in the fall and then started cleaning out a bunch of old junk that’s NOT mine out of my closet and organized my room.
Then I conked out for a couple hours. But I woke and went swimming for a good long while and am looking forward to dinner and a good nights sleep. And more so, I’m looking forward to spending a long weekend with Kim and Daniel.
But last night when I tried to go to bed something really weird happened. I was thinking of how I wish I could go back and relive my life knowing what I know now. But I was really just thinking high school. But people probably do that frequently if they found out more about themselves after high school. But I jumped back further when I thought of the age I’d want to be again. I thought 12. I started having flashes of my life form back then. My memories seemed to be digging themselves up and I was rewriting them in my head and seeing mundane and important events form my elementary years. And my home and the last real birthday party I had and I was even freaking out cause I couldn’t tell whether I was in the past or the present. Things started flying through my head visually at an uncontrolled rate. I started spazming, and violently to boot. My senses felt like they were on the verge of melting away. My body seemed to be actually growing younger or smaller like it was being drained. I was conscious, it wasn’t even a dream cause I could still hear my music and feel my hand on the IPod.
My own body experiencing twitches startled me awake. And it hurt almost everywhere. I tried calling LaDonna, then messaging her, calling her, leaving her a message, and then got a hold of her. She was busy but she helped me calm down a bit. I thought I’d walk around the condos and be able to tire myself a bit, but I just ended up hanging out in the 4-way intersection of Temple and Ponderosa. I watched the lights change and cars go by. I eventually had to take a piss, but I couldn’t go back to bed. For the first time since I can remember I couldn’t go back to my own bed.
I grabbed my book, journal, wallet, and semi functional cell, and just left for Denny’s.
I was expecting to read there. Just drink coffee and wait out the night till morning. But when I got there I just wrote. I finished writing about my weekend with LaDonna, and then about my summer, and everything serious that’s happened up till that very moment. I even planned out what I am going to be doing after I finish my reading my new novels. And I was shocked to find I filled the last pages of my journal.
And read just a few pages before sunrise.
I wrote a beginning in the ending and walked off into the sunrise.
And I felt great.
I didn’t conk out when I got home but emailed one of the teachers I’ll have in the fall and then started cleaning out a bunch of old junk that’s NOT mine out of my closet and organized my room.
Then I conked out for a couple hours. But I woke and went swimming for a good long while and am looking forward to dinner and a good nights sleep. And more so, I’m looking forward to spending a long weekend with Kim and Daniel.