(no subject)
I don’t know anyone who can understand what it’s like to drown. Not in water or any liquid. But to actually drown yourself out. To choke the life out of part of whom you are. To build up this energy inside that feels like it could rip you apart and then have a wave shut it up, just drowning it out.
I get to this point and then it gets even worse. I become displaced. Like my soul is being ripped out of its shell while still part of it. To have metaphysical mental energies rush out of you causing spasmodic muscle clenching over your entire body. Something kind of like your body being sucked and pushed through that tunnel vision you get when you are ready to pass out. Only your mind falls right back into place like you walked into a wall.
The later feeling resembles the first. You feel like another person is trying to rip out of your chest. Like this thing is going to explode out of your body and spirit. And then your mind just swallows it whole. Like you swallowed a living animal. The spirit still twisting and scratching at your intestines and the inside of your ribs.
And this is all part of your mind. You have conscious recognition of almost every second of these feelings. And you’re working it out in your mind. Trying to shout orders to your body and soul. You can’t be heard over the screams and moans and shouts of rage. Like an army is encroaching on you in your head and your weapons don’t seem to faze them. And you still hold them back somehow. But this drains you. And the hordes don’t stop coming. An endless army waging war on you. You become fatigued. And break. But at the same time you break, those armies are weakened.
That I had the energy to type this may only be attributed to the large Starbucks Coffee flavored frappuccino I had a short while ago, and to the mocha flavored one I am sipping now.
And also be warned, you sympathies are felt on such a low level because of the numb I endure to stay sane. Sorry if I seem cold.
I get to this point and then it gets even worse. I become displaced. Like my soul is being ripped out of its shell while still part of it. To have metaphysical mental energies rush out of you causing spasmodic muscle clenching over your entire body. Something kind of like your body being sucked and pushed through that tunnel vision you get when you are ready to pass out. Only your mind falls right back into place like you walked into a wall.
The later feeling resembles the first. You feel like another person is trying to rip out of your chest. Like this thing is going to explode out of your body and spirit. And then your mind just swallows it whole. Like you swallowed a living animal. The spirit still twisting and scratching at your intestines and the inside of your ribs.
And this is all part of your mind. You have conscious recognition of almost every second of these feelings. And you’re working it out in your mind. Trying to shout orders to your body and soul. You can’t be heard over the screams and moans and shouts of rage. Like an army is encroaching on you in your head and your weapons don’t seem to faze them. And you still hold them back somehow. But this drains you. And the hordes don’t stop coming. An endless army waging war on you. You become fatigued. And break. But at the same time you break, those armies are weakened.
That I had the energy to type this may only be attributed to the large Starbucks Coffee flavored frappuccino I had a short while ago, and to the mocha flavored one I am sipping now.
And also be warned, you sympathies are felt on such a low level because of the numb I endure to stay sane. Sorry if I seem cold.