Boyfriend Doesn't Love Me Anymore, Mother Hates Me, Best Friend is Moving....What's Next??
Sometimes it seems like the world really doesn't want you around. Sometimes it seems like it's too much trouble to get up in the morning when you know you'll spend the whole day wanting to go back to bed. Sometimes the sunshine makes me want to throw up and sometimes when people smile at me I want to know a fucking ax in their face. Sometimes everything and everyone annoys me. I can't handle this and I can't handle life. Fuck this. I wish I would die of natural causes. I wish I would have a heart attack. Or maybe I could just get hit by a car and die instantly. Then my grandma and my parents and my boyfriend would be off the hook and no one would have to take care of me, look out for me, or financially support me. Not my parents, not Tommy, not my Grandma, not anyone.
And I don't even think my boyfriend is in love with me anymore anyways. And I'm not sure if that's my fault or his, or just the way it turned out. I haven't said anything or told anyone because I know that all of my friends are beyond caring. And it's nice for a change for everyone to look at me and think that I've got it all, even if I'm secretly losing it bit by bit.
Maybe love is all there is, and the moment you have it you can discern that you are destined to lose it. If love is all there is, then you're just bound to find nothing after you have it.
But I'm moving in with him in exactly 20 days and I'm scared as hell I'm going to get left behind like I always am. Not that I blame him, I'm unhappy and feel my life is going to shit, and I take it out on him. If I could leave myself I would get the hell out while I could. If he left me I'd be neither surprised or tramatized. I did this to myself, and even though I'd probably cry for days on end, at least he'd get the chance to be with someone who's normal. Someone who isn't me. I love him...so should I set him free?
I don't want to be without him ever. But he doesn't like me crying and he doesn't like me being sad and it's going to take some time before I can get things turned around. I don't want him to have to wait when I make every day of his as miserable as mine.
I'm straining all my relationships with everyone I know, because it no one is close to me, no one will get hurt my me. I'm straining it all because it hurts to much to be upset and have people give up on you. Tommy already gave up on me and it makes it that much worse. He hasn't said anything but I can see it in his eyes, and I can feel it in his distant touch. He's fading away from me and I can feel myself losing grip on his affections at the same time.
I need to sign to tell me to stay. I need to see something or feel something that will let me know everything is going to be okay. And I'm scared to death it's not going to come...and maybe it will but I'll be too busy bitching to notice.
My parents will give up on me, my grandma with cut me off, my best friend will move, and Tommy will leave me. Then I'll know what it's like to be alone as opposed to feeling alone.
And I don't even think my boyfriend is in love with me anymore anyways. And I'm not sure if that's my fault or his, or just the way it turned out. I haven't said anything or told anyone because I know that all of my friends are beyond caring. And it's nice for a change for everyone to look at me and think that I've got it all, even if I'm secretly losing it bit by bit.
Maybe love is all there is, and the moment you have it you can discern that you are destined to lose it. If love is all there is, then you're just bound to find nothing after you have it.
But I'm moving in with him in exactly 20 days and I'm scared as hell I'm going to get left behind like I always am. Not that I blame him, I'm unhappy and feel my life is going to shit, and I take it out on him. If I could leave myself I would get the hell out while I could. If he left me I'd be neither surprised or tramatized. I did this to myself, and even though I'd probably cry for days on end, at least he'd get the chance to be with someone who's normal. Someone who isn't me. I love him...so should I set him free?
I don't want to be without him ever. But he doesn't like me crying and he doesn't like me being sad and it's going to take some time before I can get things turned around. I don't want him to have to wait when I make every day of his as miserable as mine.
I'm straining all my relationships with everyone I know, because it no one is close to me, no one will get hurt my me. I'm straining it all because it hurts to much to be upset and have people give up on you. Tommy already gave up on me and it makes it that much worse. He hasn't said anything but I can see it in his eyes, and I can feel it in his distant touch. He's fading away from me and I can feel myself losing grip on his affections at the same time.
I need to sign to tell me to stay. I need to see something or feel something that will let me know everything is going to be okay. And I'm scared to death it's not going to come...and maybe it will but I'll be too busy bitching to notice.
My parents will give up on me, my grandma with cut me off, my best friend will move, and Tommy will leave me. Then I'll know what it's like to be alone as opposed to feeling alone.