(no subject)
this journal is dead to me. it's not like it helps. i don't really get how i feel out. its not really a journal at all. i wish you could all read my mind and understand everything. but then we would never talk about any of the things you read and completely understood in my mind. you would just know and understand and i would feel better knowing that you understand.
im unhappy and numb. i'll be 22 on oct the 18th and im turning into everything i hate. im getting older not just physically but mentally too. im growing bitter and im losing hope. i miss the special little things that i dont even notice anymore. you never have friends like you did when you were young. i miss tara and melissa, garrett and joey. and i'd call to say hi if i thought they'd remember me. but i guess somethings are worth leaving old memories for. i was in a wonderful band for 4 years. thats a long time. and there was nothing in the world i loved more. and now suddenly it's gone. i don't even know if i have completely come to terms and accepted that it's really gone. i will never sing "i fade away like an evening shadow" on stage again. i will never hear justin play "ink and paper" in front of a crowd of 100 kids ever again.
a childhood friend of mine died in a drowning accident this week at lake purdy. i knew him for 8 years on a regular day to day basis. i didn't even go to his funeral because i had to work.
i guess i really did use this journal like a journal for once. and no one will comment because no one will know what to say. and the truth is that you don't have to. im not looking for sympathy or throwing a pity-party. i put this out there because some of you feel the same way some of you understood in some way. now you know you aren't the only one.
Mahatma Ghandi once said "my life is my messege"
and tonight if i died just like jeremy jenkins died this past week unexpectedly, i just don't know what my messege would be. i don't know what my life has portrayed my messege to be.
im unhappy and numb. i'll be 22 on oct the 18th and im turning into everything i hate. im getting older not just physically but mentally too. im growing bitter and im losing hope. i miss the special little things that i dont even notice anymore. you never have friends like you did when you were young. i miss tara and melissa, garrett and joey. and i'd call to say hi if i thought they'd remember me. but i guess somethings are worth leaving old memories for. i was in a wonderful band for 4 years. thats a long time. and there was nothing in the world i loved more. and now suddenly it's gone. i don't even know if i have completely come to terms and accepted that it's really gone. i will never sing "i fade away like an evening shadow" on stage again. i will never hear justin play "ink and paper" in front of a crowd of 100 kids ever again.
a childhood friend of mine died in a drowning accident this week at lake purdy. i knew him for 8 years on a regular day to day basis. i didn't even go to his funeral because i had to work.
i guess i really did use this journal like a journal for once. and no one will comment because no one will know what to say. and the truth is that you don't have to. im not looking for sympathy or throwing a pity-party. i put this out there because some of you feel the same way some of you understood in some way. now you know you aren't the only one.
Mahatma Ghandi once said "my life is my messege"
and tonight if i died just like jeremy jenkins died this past week unexpectedly, i just don't know what my messege would be. i don't know what my life has portrayed my messege to be.