its my party...
had i known being a nurse involved crying after every block i worked... i would have prepped my room for a lot more towels to shed those tears of my naive hopes and dreams. ha.
third week in and i've learned plenty. the good, the bad, the messy. and not to mention the smelly. good lord the smelly. the only thing i haven't really gotten a firm grasp on is myself. who do i, cariza, want to be as a nurse. how do i want to impact this community. and most importantly, how am i going to survive this without losing everything that makes me, me?
jumping into your career isn't easy. it isnt all fun and games like you want it to be. some people are lucky and can ease their way and transition into these roles. some people have it worse and are blindly put in after a day. i've been lucky that all my life, most things have been spoon fed to me. fighting isnt really my strong suit, neither is motivation unless my ass is literally on fire. so with that, i feel like i've been drowning and bobbing all at once. the lines are constantly blurred from who i should be, who i have to be and who i want to be. and i know realistically, i'm not going to be able to perfect this for quite some time. but what i can do is hone in the drive to want to be better, to strive to succeed and become this super nurse that i've always wanted to be and so much more.
so until then -
1) i have reserved a spot in my room to cry post shift as often as i please.
2) for every time i resort to that, i need to come up with five positive ways to better myself as a nurse
3) and then i get a cookie for surviving each day, realizing everyday i cry - i learn that much more.
third week in and i've learned plenty. the good, the bad, the messy. and not to mention the smelly. good lord the smelly. the only thing i haven't really gotten a firm grasp on is myself. who do i, cariza, want to be as a nurse. how do i want to impact this community. and most importantly, how am i going to survive this without losing everything that makes me, me?
jumping into your career isn't easy. it isnt all fun and games like you want it to be. some people are lucky and can ease their way and transition into these roles. some people have it worse and are blindly put in after a day. i've been lucky that all my life, most things have been spoon fed to me. fighting isnt really my strong suit, neither is motivation unless my ass is literally on fire. so with that, i feel like i've been drowning and bobbing all at once. the lines are constantly blurred from who i should be, who i have to be and who i want to be. and i know realistically, i'm not going to be able to perfect this for quite some time. but what i can do is hone in the drive to want to be better, to strive to succeed and become this super nurse that i've always wanted to be and so much more.
so until then -
1) i have reserved a spot in my room to cry post shift as often as i please.
2) for every time i resort to that, i need to come up with five positive ways to better myself as a nurse
3) and then i get a cookie for surviving each day, realizing everyday i cry - i learn that much more.