(no subject)
The thing about trying to be a good guy is that the shit that's really important no one sees. Quite to the contrary, it's those secret little things you do because they're the right choice that lead you to having to pay the price for such a naive attitude. In my case it often leads to people who I generally hate anyways, who couldn't care less about anyone but themselves. benefiting, while I take the hits, literally and figuratively. Time and time again I've fucked myself over by doing what's right and it's cost me everything that ever mattered. We're by our very nature evil creatures. I've fucked myself with an ethos of deliberate chaos in opposing my nature in the vain hope that I could stop myself from contributing to and becoming what I hate. Yet it's idiocy and lunacy, it's this nature that has enabled us to survive, both against nature and each other. To fight against that is to leave nothing left to fight against a very hostile, unthinkingly evil world. From now on I'm looking after numero uno, me, myself, and I, everyone else can go fuck themselves, whatever it is it's not my problem anymore. No one's ever been there to give a shit about me, or back me up. Everyone and everything is my enemy, I swear to myself I'll never forget that again. As long as the world leaves me the fuck alone, it can do whatever the hell it wants.