(no subject)
I've had a moment of clarity and for the first time in years a feeling of peace and calm. I've tried to be what I am not and have condemned myself for failure. I have a lot of work to do on myself, I may not have much time, but the unthinking void and the consequence of time that I might as well call fate will be, regardless of my desire. It's therefore entirely necessary to desire nothing outside of the realm of acceptance of what the world is around me and what my own circumstances are.
I've spent too much time hoping, for things and feelings, hoping to reach a point of expectation. I've let myself become weak and foolish, that is the true source of my misery. I desire what can be lost, i hope for things described by naivete that I myself do not understand and that have turned out to be empowered by assumption.. whether that assumption i created or was told of by another, it is my choice. All of this has been my choice. i have no power over anything other than my own actions and how I choose to view the world around me. I've become judgemental. I've let myself fall victim to my own views on things, so much of which I had already accepted and moved on from.
I have a lot of thinking to do and a lot to give up for the sake of my own happiness. I am a human, capable of happiness, perhaps my biggest barrier against that is an illogical belief that I'm incapable of such a thing, or maybe a definition that is not reasonable. I believe it is vital for me to redefine happiness within my own perceptions and actively seek it.. maybe contentment itself is true happiness, all highs seem to lead only to loss and inevitable lows.
I've spent too much time hoping, for things and feelings, hoping to reach a point of expectation. I've let myself become weak and foolish, that is the true source of my misery. I desire what can be lost, i hope for things described by naivete that I myself do not understand and that have turned out to be empowered by assumption.. whether that assumption i created or was told of by another, it is my choice. All of this has been my choice. i have no power over anything other than my own actions and how I choose to view the world around me. I've become judgemental. I've let myself fall victim to my own views on things, so much of which I had already accepted and moved on from.
I have a lot of thinking to do and a lot to give up for the sake of my own happiness. I am a human, capable of happiness, perhaps my biggest barrier against that is an illogical belief that I'm incapable of such a thing, or maybe a definition that is not reasonable. I believe it is vital for me to redefine happiness within my own perceptions and actively seek it.. maybe contentment itself is true happiness, all highs seem to lead only to loss and inevitable lows.