To get my issues out
I have just had so much anger lataly. I mean with CCM. I joined it when I first came here. I thought it was the gretest thing and I felt I belonged. I remember I gave a prestiton and everyone loved it. I cooked dinner for them, Fetthani alfredo with Emily and she sang there can be mircls. She has a beautiful voice. We had fun on the retreat, and out picture was in the paper. I cooked tacos for them, and we had a King cake I made. This was so fun. Then this year it went downhill. Katy quit. To be honest I am glad. She is a fucking bitch. She got candy, and yelled when I asked for some. She is mean to me, sacastic, and whatever. Ccm never includes me. They keep info from me. LIke they just added me to leadersip group fb page last week, and they had it all year. what the fuck. They all hang out, never invite and make bullshit excuse when I ask to go too. Bitchs call themselves christians and are not. I mean they say they love me, and treat me like shit. Then I find Bob has been keeping info from us. That bastard. Running things his way. Ccm is falling aoart. Maybe its good. I hate everyone in it. Everyone but emily. The rest need to go to fucking hell. Tacos, remind me of matt. Mattie who held me in my bed. I was turned over and he picked me up and help me, and said taco to me over and over. Oh it was nice. Laying with him and rachel. we slept. Matt was so warm, and soft. He has such kind eyes. His voice is so soft when hes around me. I think I am in love. I dream of him every night. hes the best guy I know. Katie said he said I was obessed with him, which is true. Now he will go the way of eddy, I fuck up every thing with gys. matt should be honest and say now hes done with me. not lead me on. I think we are supposd to have dinner tommow, but I don't know. I am so confused. He said he loved me, and whould always be my friend. He has not called me taco in a long time, and hardly talked to the past week. I have needed him bad, so bad. Hes rachels. or they made out. she claims they are nothing, but katie says they are. I love ray, and don't wanna hurt her. fuck matt, I needed him, agreed to see the shrink for him, and he is not there for me. I am sick of my dreams about him, or thinking he cares. Maybe I am the bitch,a nd hurt, maybe he does care. I don;t wanna drive everyone away. I should be happy with my life, but all I do is bitch, I am just so sick of it all. I just have no clue what to do. no cue at at all. help me. save me.