You'll See...
I guarantee this update will not suffice. You may read this to get caught up on what's going on with me, but no amount of webspace could hold the current happenings of this life.
Blake left for the Army on the 23rd.
...Yes. My darling Blake. The one who I thought was truly The One. The one I held out for from so many relationships. The one I allowed to persuade me to let opportunity after opportunity pass me by in hopes of someday being with him forever. The one I stopped living for.
I guess part of me is relieved that this chapter of my life is seemingly closed, that I can truly give my whole heart to someone else without even having the temptation of Blake there. But honestly, a bigger part of me would still give everything up for him. What is it about him that has managed to hold my heart hostage? Needless to say, I cried more that Wednesday night than I have in years. That last "I love you" from him is what brought that flood on, and that voice will be something I will never forget. It's weird to think that our paths may never cross again, but as they say, "history repeats itself" ... and my history with Blake suggests that our paths will, indeed, intertwine once more.
Josh and I are kind of at a stand-still.
His grandma died about a week and a half ago and I think it's just really gotten to him. I've been frustrated lately because - naturally - I'm at the bottom of his priority list (which is completely understandable, since we haven't been together long and he's going through enough as it is). But nonetheless, I'm so in the dark about us. Tammy dragged me to his house the other day (because she's an amazing friend and knew it was what I needed) and made me give him his bday present I got for him forever ago (that's how long it's been since we've seen each other). I was mortified and apologetic, and all he did was hug me. Like once. I can totally tell that his mind is in a million different places right now, and I just want to be there for him. Putting myself in his shoes, if my grandma died, I wouldn't wanna talk to anyone. And especially since his family is on edge all the time, I'm sure that gets hard. But he's still going out with friends and having a good time, which I'm glad about, I just wish I could be part of that good time. I don't know. I'd love to be able to say I'm over it, but I don't like to lie. Right now I'm just laying low and seeing what happens. Good plan? Good plan.
Tammy and I got drunk with the executives.
Tijuana Flats. I think the picture speaks for itself.
I've decided that I'm moving to the Sanford/Lake Mary area. Move-in late July.
4th of July party at Tammy's. Lookin' forward to it.
Finished my new favorite book:
Get it and love it.
There's a lot more, but I need to go get my car to the mechanic.
Oh yeah, and I got another speeding ticket yesterday. No big.
Blake left for the Army on the 23rd.
...Yes. My darling Blake. The one who I thought was truly The One. The one I held out for from so many relationships. The one I allowed to persuade me to let opportunity after opportunity pass me by in hopes of someday being with him forever. The one I stopped living for.
I guess part of me is relieved that this chapter of my life is seemingly closed, that I can truly give my whole heart to someone else without even having the temptation of Blake there. But honestly, a bigger part of me would still give everything up for him. What is it about him that has managed to hold my heart hostage? Needless to say, I cried more that Wednesday night than I have in years. That last "I love you" from him is what brought that flood on, and that voice will be something I will never forget. It's weird to think that our paths may never cross again, but as they say, "history repeats itself" ... and my history with Blake suggests that our paths will, indeed, intertwine once more.
Josh and I are kind of at a stand-still.
His grandma died about a week and a half ago and I think it's just really gotten to him. I've been frustrated lately because - naturally - I'm at the bottom of his priority list (which is completely understandable, since we haven't been together long and he's going through enough as it is). But nonetheless, I'm so in the dark about us. Tammy dragged me to his house the other day (because she's an amazing friend and knew it was what I needed) and made me give him his bday present I got for him forever ago (that's how long it's been since we've seen each other). I was mortified and apologetic, and all he did was hug me. Like once. I can totally tell that his mind is in a million different places right now, and I just want to be there for him. Putting myself in his shoes, if my grandma died, I wouldn't wanna talk to anyone. And especially since his family is on edge all the time, I'm sure that gets hard. But he's still going out with friends and having a good time, which I'm glad about, I just wish I could be part of that good time. I don't know. I'd love to be able to say I'm over it, but I don't like to lie. Right now I'm just laying low and seeing what happens. Good plan? Good plan.
Tammy and I got drunk with the executives.
Tijuana Flats. I think the picture speaks for itself.
I've decided that I'm moving to the Sanford/Lake Mary area. Move-in late July.
4th of July party at Tammy's. Lookin' forward to it.
Finished my new favorite book:
Get it and love it.
There's a lot more, but I need to go get my car to the mechanic.
Oh yeah, and I got another speeding ticket yesterday. No big.