For as long as my arsehole points down
Watson.
I don't know how many people here actually read the original Sherlock Holmes' books. I started in 6th class and kinda stopped until a few terms okay (last Christmas time I think?) so I'm still working my way through (for the record, The 5 Orange Pips will always be my all time favourite)
(The Speckled Band)
I don't know what the hell is wrong with Watson.
He's a doctor. An army doctor even, so obviously smart, quick-thinking, cool-headed.
SO why, why oh why, is he such a bloody dipshit?
I mean, I'm not all that samrt, I'll admit that openly. I'm not even that observant, bar for the small things.
But the world is so hiddeously fucked up when a doctor mistakes a baboon for a child.
(once again, The Speckled Band)
'Oh my Holmes, my dear old lover who I lie about, there is a demonic, mutilated wee neekid child running to and fro the garden we are now breaking the law by entering.'
Here both Watson and SHerlock freak out.
'LOL! Watson you arse that is a baboon. I have already mentioned the baboon 1000000 bloody times in the space of 2 fricking minutes.'
'Are you sure Holmes?'
OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED INCLUDING CAKE HE IS A FORKING DOCTOR.
AND CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BABOON OR A CHILD.
Also, whenever there is a step-father who has two daughters with the wife long dead it's about the money.
It is always about the money. Always. I have no idea why Sherlock is still 'Well, he's after the money because *insert reasonable explantion*' rather than 'Oh FFS it's the money you prats'
Watson is the biggest idiot. He's all 'Oh my Holmes you are just so bloody fantastic and the sun shines out your arse, how did you know it was the about the money?'
'Watson, you are my secret lover and I love you dearly, but you aren't half bloody slow and noticing returning plot-lines despite having lived through this yourself. Gawd knows how you've survived to this stage of you life without being bloody killed.'
(The Fie Orange Pips)
Oh and Watson doesn't know who the KKK are. During a time where The KKK where running riot. Holmes was bloody slow on the pick-up too.
'He was a racist American southerener. So by fork what does KK stand for?'
'I have no idea Holmes. Lol.'
'ITS OBVIOUS WATSON YOU TWONK. IT'S THE KU KLUX KLAN.'
'...whut?'
(I can't remember but this happens in most of the stories involving women...they never see an ugly woman)
If there were any questions of why Watson had such an extravagant string of women marrying him and breaking it off it's because the man can never keep it mouth shut.
His wife also refers to him as James, rather than John, which can never be a good sign.
Watson refers to a lady from a case to his wife, 'And she was my most beautiful young woman I ever did lay my eyes on. An angel for the heavens.'
To his wife.
He slept on the sofa that night.
(or lilo)
John I love you so, but you so bloody thick in the novels.
I don't know how many people here actually read the original Sherlock Holmes' books. I started in 6th class and kinda stopped until a few terms okay (last Christmas time I think?) so I'm still working my way through (for the record, The 5 Orange Pips will always be my all time favourite)
(The Speckled Band)
I don't know what the hell is wrong with Watson.
He's a doctor. An army doctor even, so obviously smart, quick-thinking, cool-headed.
SO why, why oh why, is he such a bloody dipshit?
I mean, I'm not all that samrt, I'll admit that openly. I'm not even that observant, bar for the small things.
But the world is so hiddeously fucked up when a doctor mistakes a baboon for a child.
(once again, The Speckled Band)
'Oh my Holmes, my dear old lover who I lie about, there is a demonic, mutilated wee neekid child running to and fro the garden we are now breaking the law by entering.'
Here both Watson and SHerlock freak out.
'LOL! Watson you arse that is a baboon. I have already mentioned the baboon 1000000 bloody times in the space of 2 fricking minutes.'
'Are you sure Holmes?'
OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED INCLUDING CAKE HE IS A FORKING DOCTOR.
AND CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BABOON OR A CHILD.
Also, whenever there is a step-father who has two daughters with the wife long dead it's about the money.
It is always about the money. Always. I have no idea why Sherlock is still 'Well, he's after the money because *insert reasonable explantion*' rather than 'Oh FFS it's the money you prats'
Watson is the biggest idiot. He's all 'Oh my Holmes you are just so bloody fantastic and the sun shines out your arse, how did you know it was the about the money?'
'Watson, you are my secret lover and I love you dearly, but you aren't half bloody slow and noticing returning plot-lines despite having lived through this yourself. Gawd knows how you've survived to this stage of you life without being bloody killed.'
(The Fie Orange Pips)
Oh and Watson doesn't know who the KKK are. During a time where The KKK where running riot. Holmes was bloody slow on the pick-up too.
'He was a racist American southerener. So by fork what does KK stand for?'
'I have no idea Holmes. Lol.'
'ITS OBVIOUS WATSON YOU TWONK. IT'S THE KU KLUX KLAN.'
'...whut?'
(I can't remember but this happens in most of the stories involving women...they never see an ugly woman)
If there were any questions of why Watson had such an extravagant string of women marrying him and breaking it off it's because the man can never keep it mouth shut.
His wife also refers to him as James, rather than John, which can never be a good sign.
Watson refers to a lady from a case to his wife, 'And she was my most beautiful young woman I ever did lay my eyes on. An angel for the heavens.'
To his wife.
He slept on the sofa that night.
(or lilo)
John I love you so, but you so bloody thick in the novels.