What is a Curmudgeon anyway?
Someone (patrock) referred to me as curmudgeonly last week. I was sorta touched, really, because it's so true. It's not often that a person can look into yr soul and see you for who you are. That anyone is paying attention to me at this intimate of a level is thrilling just in of itself. I love the kind of social attention that doesn't involve having to say no to copies of Street Sheet or spare change or enabling drug addicts. I don't have a boyfriend or an extended family that looks after me or a lot of especially close friends that are not so wrapped up in their own life tragedies that they are able to offer me that much nurturance or support. I often feel I am a man alone, and often that is the truth. These 'moments of witness' from friends and acquaintances almost feel like affection. I'll choose to take it that way. I take it where I can get it. So, KISS KISS, Patrick. KISS KISS.
I went home and looked up the dictionary definition of 'curmudgeon', but it was awful: "An ill-tempered person full of resentment and stubborn notions". My unpopular observations about a world that I feel much true alienation from are soooo not about stubborness. Screw those dictionary writers.
Via The Google, I found this lovely exposition on curmudgeonly-ness, and I loved it so much i decided to do my virgin LiveJournal post about it.
"A curmudgeon's reputation for malevolence is undeserved. They're neither warped nor evil at heart. They don't hate mankind, just mankind's absurdities. They're just as sensitive and soft-hearted as the next guy, but they hide their vulnerability beneath a crust of misanthropy. They ease the pain by turning hurt into humor... They attack maudlinism because it devalues genuine sentiment... Nature, having failed to equip them with a servicable denial mechanism, has endowed them with astute perception and sly wit. Curmudgeons are mockers and debunkers whose bitterness is a symptom rather than a disease. They can't compromise their standards and can't manage the suspension of disbelief necessary for feigned cheerfulness. Their awareness is a curse. Perhaps curmudgeons have gotten a bad rap in the same way that the messenger is blamed for the message: They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee. Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they soften it with humor. - JON WINOKUR "
That's so awesome I want to tattoo it on my face.
Coming up: dual treatise and narcissistic patter on the times Fergus called me "an Idealist" and my old friend Brett from Minnesota told me I was "kind of eccentric".