(no subject)
saying something that contradicts something else you've said pisses me off more than anything else you can do. more than lying, more than going behind my back, more than anything.
the things i piece together, the amazing fucking exaggerations i hear and straight-out lies.
i heard what happened between billy and ericka the other day. now there, truly, was someone leading someone on. for a long goddamn time. i wish i could offer some kind of help; he might be angry at me, but i still consider him a friend.
i'm a bit overprotective of all my friends, though if there's an argument between friends, i tend to take sides and defend whoever i'm siding with just as aggressively as i would otherwise. i realised this yesterday - the fact that other people doing it angers me, but i do it, too. human nature, i guess? who knows?
mom pissed me off last night; she heard me talking on the phone and afterwards, kinda yelled at me for 'not being ladylike' or some shit. out of curiosity, i looked up a vague definition of 'feminine' and came up with this: generally, femininity is associated with compassion, submission, soft-spokenness, sympathy, affection, sensitivity, emotion. well there's a whole list of things i'm not. submission, soft-spokenness, and sensitivity, things i never allow myself - i see them as a show of weakness. i'm rarely sympathetic towards anything, not a lot of compassion towards people. i tend to keep my emotions hidden, as when i do show them, it seems to cause more problems. i can be affectionate, but that's about it. after growing up with my mom, very feminine, and my sister, who is almost too much so, i decided long ago that that was nothing i wanted to be. so i hung out more with the guys, who knew better how to have fun anyway, became desensitised to just about everything you can think of, became cynical, sarcastic, loud. i refuse to submit to someone else's will when there's choice involved. and i'm determined to be the one giving orders to others someday. who needs sensitivity, anyway, when you spend your most of your days being intimate with numbers?
i just realised there's no point to this entry. whatsoever.
comments screened. say what you like. and hey, if you're going to act your age when you speak to me, i might even reply back.
the things i piece together, the amazing fucking exaggerations i hear and straight-out lies.
i heard what happened between billy and ericka the other day. now there, truly, was someone leading someone on. for a long goddamn time. i wish i could offer some kind of help; he might be angry at me, but i still consider him a friend.
i'm a bit overprotective of all my friends, though if there's an argument between friends, i tend to take sides and defend whoever i'm siding with just as aggressively as i would otherwise. i realised this yesterday - the fact that other people doing it angers me, but i do it, too. human nature, i guess? who knows?
mom pissed me off last night; she heard me talking on the phone and afterwards, kinda yelled at me for 'not being ladylike' or some shit. out of curiosity, i looked up a vague definition of 'feminine' and came up with this: generally, femininity is associated with compassion, submission, soft-spokenness, sympathy, affection, sensitivity, emotion. well there's a whole list of things i'm not. submission, soft-spokenness, and sensitivity, things i never allow myself - i see them as a show of weakness. i'm rarely sympathetic towards anything, not a lot of compassion towards people. i tend to keep my emotions hidden, as when i do show them, it seems to cause more problems. i can be affectionate, but that's about it. after growing up with my mom, very feminine, and my sister, who is almost too much so, i decided long ago that that was nothing i wanted to be. so i hung out more with the guys, who knew better how to have fun anyway, became desensitised to just about everything you can think of, became cynical, sarcastic, loud. i refuse to submit to someone else's will when there's choice involved. and i'm determined to be the one giving orders to others someday. who needs sensitivity, anyway, when you spend your most of your days being intimate with numbers?
i just realised there's no point to this entry. whatsoever.
comments screened. say what you like. and hey, if you're going to act your age when you speak to me, i might even reply back.