a few cards short
I was laying in bed this morning when I thought back to past relationships (surprise surprise). Instead of going back to my first homo relationship though this time I managed to go back even farther....
I was 12 years old living in the middle of no where northern Michigan. It was a beautiful summer in the north country as I recall. Throughout the previous couple of years there was a girl that was the niece of a neighbor who would come to visit usually briefly. This summer however, she came up to stay for the entire summer. She lived with her dad (I have no idea where mom was - maybe she had passed away)in a Detroit suburb and was considered to be a "wild child" at 14.
It was fun hanging out with her, she introduced me to rap, most of which was very sexual, namely Gucci Crew and Kid Rock's first album "Grit Sandwiches for Breakfast" which I still enjoy (the album not the sandwiches). Every boy in town seemed to want to be with her (all three of us), well until another girl around our age moved into town at the end of summer - but I digress.
I remember sitting on the floor with her one day and we were talking about how well we got along and all that stuff. By the end of the conversation we were "going together". Where exactly we were going I had no clue, being 12 and she 14. Hell I was about as clueless as they come. Our relationship started out slow and me being shy and having no clue didn't help. She did seem to have more of a clue than I did. I remember her telling me once that she always wanted to fuck on a toilet seat. When we became somewhat intimate it was very S&M ish, I remember once when we grappled each other in a hallway and proceeded to smash each others heads in the wall (albeit unintentionally) all the way down the hallway.
This relationship went on for a couple of months with us almost having sex. We were in her grandparents cottage, alone in an upstairs room full of beds and a pin ball machine. She threw me down on the bed and got on top of me - then somehow, she fell off of me and the bed and the whole house seemed to shake. We quickly got ourselves dressed and together as grandma soon appeared.
Not too long after that the girl mentioned above moved into town, we all drifted apart.
The point of all this was the girl was a few cards short a full deck. Something had went on in her life and she was very wild, incorrigible perhaps, but mostly hurting inside I believe, and I thought, even at age 12 that I could somehow fix whatever the issue was. Neither myself nor her aunt and uncle though succeed in that I believe.
Fast forward 12 years and we have my first homo relationship with someone who the year proceeding was in jail for embezzlement. The same time I was backpacking across Europe. I believed then as I did with the girl, that everyone makes mistakes and deserves a chance, and probably that I being with them would make everything better.
I wonder what it is in me that drives me to pick partners that are a bit off kilter? Could it be that first relationship at age 12 that set the stage? I never had to take care of my parents or anything like that so I can rule that out. Something to ponder I suppose....
M.
I was 12 years old living in the middle of no where northern Michigan. It was a beautiful summer in the north country as I recall. Throughout the previous couple of years there was a girl that was the niece of a neighbor who would come to visit usually briefly. This summer however, she came up to stay for the entire summer. She lived with her dad (I have no idea where mom was - maybe she had passed away)in a Detroit suburb and was considered to be a "wild child" at 14.
It was fun hanging out with her, she introduced me to rap, most of which was very sexual, namely Gucci Crew and Kid Rock's first album "Grit Sandwiches for Breakfast" which I still enjoy (the album not the sandwiches). Every boy in town seemed to want to be with her (all three of us), well until another girl around our age moved into town at the end of summer - but I digress.
I remember sitting on the floor with her one day and we were talking about how well we got along and all that stuff. By the end of the conversation we were "going together". Where exactly we were going I had no clue, being 12 and she 14. Hell I was about as clueless as they come. Our relationship started out slow and me being shy and having no clue didn't help. She did seem to have more of a clue than I did. I remember her telling me once that she always wanted to fuck on a toilet seat. When we became somewhat intimate it was very S&M ish, I remember once when we grappled each other in a hallway and proceeded to smash each others heads in the wall (albeit unintentionally) all the way down the hallway.
This relationship went on for a couple of months with us almost having sex. We were in her grandparents cottage, alone in an upstairs room full of beds and a pin ball machine. She threw me down on the bed and got on top of me - then somehow, she fell off of me and the bed and the whole house seemed to shake. We quickly got ourselves dressed and together as grandma soon appeared.
Not too long after that the girl mentioned above moved into town, we all drifted apart.
The point of all this was the girl was a few cards short a full deck. Something had went on in her life and she was very wild, incorrigible perhaps, but mostly hurting inside I believe, and I thought, even at age 12 that I could somehow fix whatever the issue was. Neither myself nor her aunt and uncle though succeed in that I believe.
Fast forward 12 years and we have my first homo relationship with someone who the year proceeding was in jail for embezzlement. The same time I was backpacking across Europe. I believed then as I did with the girl, that everyone makes mistakes and deserves a chance, and probably that I being with them would make everything better.
I wonder what it is in me that drives me to pick partners that are a bit off kilter? Could it be that first relationship at age 12 that set the stage? I never had to take care of my parents or anything like that so I can rule that out. Something to ponder I suppose....
M.